Adulting isn’t easy and it seems that for some of us, the older we get the more the challenges might grow or they may just become more complicated.
I’m no different and it has taken becoming a grown man for me to begin to get a grip of my mental health. I have tried to be very proactive when it comes to my overall ‘health’ in terms of getting the annual check-up, running the tests when necessary and even doing exercise.
However, the mental health part has always been left to sort itself out or hopefully get resolved when I relaxed. But the maintenance and the check-in as opposed to ‘check-up’ never really happened because, how exactly is that done anyway?
And while having deep and meaningful conversations with loved ones can be helpful, and for sure, helps to release some built up pressure, ultimately, it’s not usually enough. Why? Because, sometimes, those who know us, bring their own biases, misconceptions and own perception of you to the table and therefore may not be able to truly ‘see you’ in a moment.
There is also the weariness of managing other people’s emotion around your own issue that can itself become a burden. In fact, it’s tiring sometimes just having certain conversations and disclosing some things, so why bother?
The Silence
The other part of adulting that coalesces with mental health is the silence of it all. Yes, you can have friends and a million things to take up your time, but eventually, you are left with the silence and in those moments you have to deal with the real stuff – the bills, the plans, the future, the outcomes the expectations, etc.
Nobody else can address that silence but you and honestly, it can be an extremely isolating place. Imagine, dealing with the turmoil of your burgeoning adulthood, observing everyone else handling their own ‘growth’ but there you are with your own silence trying to figure out the reality that is the rest of your life?
Better description: imagine screaming at the top of your lungs and knocking on a glass door looking out at the world go by, hoping that someone sees or hears or even notices, only to realize that they can’t see you and you still have to be present, while screaming in silence, still…
A Solution
Thankfully there’s therapy, which to me is a form of maintenance that I wish we could all access easily. Unfortunately, aside from some the negative perceptions around mental health care and even therapy, the cost for access, can be prohibitive to most.
I’ve decided to add therapy to my health maintenance schedule and I begin soon. I am looking forward to what the experience will be like and also the tools I’ll hopefully receive to address my silence and the turmoil, because a LOT is unfolding.
There’s always a lot of talk about self-care but I’ve come to learn that it means different things to different people and for me therapy is the ultimate upkeep and self-care activity.
I don’t have to be in crisis to check-in, I just need to get a sense of where I am and where I will be going. Also the potential of getting centred and focused on the various issues I am navigating provide some amount of comfort that I appreciate.
I am hopeful.
As always…
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Kevin