I recently completed a course at work titled 10 Steps to Becoming a Successful Manager. I feel that it was timely because, so often we are thrust into these roles without much guidance therefore I entered the experience with openness and a willingness to learn.
For just over 5 years I have been charged with managing people, one of the single most difficult assignments I have ever had to take on in my professional career. Prior to this, the only person I had to regulate and be responsible for was myself, so imagine a world where I had to now manage expectations both internal and external to my team and most importantly, myself.
Every time I dared forget that each member of my team was now, in some way a representation of my own work ethic and reputation, I was violently reminded, even if, technically, this was not absolutely accurate.
Critiques, judgement and the gaze of those on the outside never tend to fall on the side of nuance or understanding minor details or even the truth. They usually play to a more general sentiment. And so as a leader you learn that what is unseen and unsaid, is often summed up by your stewardship.
Getting Situated as a Manager
I have observed that over the years, that through personal growth and maturity, my people-pleasing tendencies, have decreased significantly. However there is a certain level of proselytising that is assumed of anyone who becomes a new boss to a team, that is seemingly sizing you up and deciding if you are worthy of respect.
For my part I have learned to set boundaries for myself and model my own style of management on best practice I have experienced of leaders in my own life. But regardless of how you begin the journey, at some point you will have to decide if you are willing to sacrifice likeability for follow through. It’s not always an easy balance because, being authentic and choosing to do the right thing, as a leader, will not always be popular.
With that said, here are some of the most invaluable lessons I have learned so far about managing people.
It can be Thankless but Rewarding
One of the first things that you recognise about this role of leading others is that for the most part it is a thankless job. This is in part due to the typical structure of professional relationships where one person is placed ‘in charge’ and now has to navigate and mediate the needs of both upper leadership, and those who report to you.
This doesn’t even have to describe a contentious or fractious environment. The sooner you are able to recognise that accolades may not be quick to come from either side, the better.
Despite this glum outlook, the rewards of hard work and persistence will come. Whether through small changes in the output of those you lead or cohesive teamwork when it counts, these are the positive sparks that make it worth it! Finally, patience is an important trait in this regard.
Empathy flows in one direction (Kinda)
During the second chapter of my aforementioned training course, we focused on working well with others. A segment of that session featured this interview with Simon Sinek which touched on empathy. As a manager of people, I am often called upon to look within and empathise with those I work with. It helps to understand their perspectives, motivations, challenges and thought processes, even in post mortem. The most important skill I have honed and practiced on this journey is communication, because most if not all breakdowns begin with a lack of communication. So through that process, I am better able to empathise but more importantly, manage expectations.
Unfortunately, under most circumstances, empathy is only expected to flow in one direction and let’s be real – Who is out here trying to be in their boss’s shoes?
It can be a vindication when it does happen, however fleeting those moments are. The reality is some people remain willfully blind to the pressures and demands that drive you, to drive them. And more often than not, it’s a case of see no evil, hear no evil.
You’re a Manager not a Parent
If as a people manager you feel as though you are being positioned as a parent figure by your subordinates, then you should definitely interrogate how you approach your stewardship.
Because, while there is some amount of palpable parental instinct that may come into play when dealing with your charges, it should never extend to the more toxic aspects of the role that often results in breakdowns and detrimental challenges.
So, there will be an instinct to protect your team but perish the thought if you ever think you should shield them from every challenge that may roll around. That is out of your control and not your job, because it’s simply not doable. I’m personally of the view that some people model their behaviour towards leadership in the working world, on their relationships with their parents, in some cases. This is somewhat related to the phenomenon of transference but goes a bit beyond it.
Persons will feel the need to utilize tactics often reserved for their parents in dealing with challenges that arise with the person they report to. Think, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, rudeness, duplicitousness and other such indignities.
Consistency is vital
Adapting to changing circumstances is of course expected, especially in the fast paced world we live in. But while being flexible with change is pretty standard, commitment to being consistent with your words actions and principles is also important.
I am proud of the fact that whether impressions of me are bad, fair or fine, they will at least reveal a level of consistency that grounds how I navigate my professional space. When you are consistent, being held accountable is never a problem because there is no contradiction of your actions or even motivations.
Having consistent principles also provides some amount of guidance to those you lead because they will at least have a sense of your baseline and what makes you tick.
A community for support is a Lifeline
The most enduring element of my experience has been the support from my community of colleagues, friends and allies who have been a source of strength as I continue to grow in my leadership role and as a person.
You will need folks who will keep it 100 with you while providing a listening ear when you have to process some of the more difficult moments that often roll around because of ‘the work’.
Community also helps to provide perspective, a bit of mentorship and even coaching when needed. It is a vital support system that will help to keep you centred when everything around you seems out of balance.
Do the Work!
By do the work, I’m not referring to just the day job, but the internal work needed to maintain your mental health and your fortitude to deal with the busy (ness) of work life and managing others.
Additionally, your physical health cannot be the weakest link because everything it is the foundation of every other aspect of your life. For me that has been running and going to the gym, but lately that also includes therapy to better understand ‘me’. We can’t give to the world from an empty cup so it is acutely important to safeguard our source.
But even as I unpack explore the self-work required to be better and more grounded to deal with the job, I also want to highlight the fact that it goes hand in hand with striving for excellence in the work you do day-to-day. Being that exemplar of the standard you want to see in your team never hurts because your energy and work ethic can also set the pace for them.
These are my takeaways, my insights about an aspect of my life in leadership that I continue to learn about.
Let me know in the comments if you have any learnings of your own.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
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Kevin
