Kevin O'Bryan

Tag: positive self talk

  • Letting Go of the Need to Know

    Letting Go of the Need to Know

    It has taken me a long time to learn an important lesson about life and relationships. It is the fact that I do not need to understand or ‘figure out’ why people treat me a certain way.

    I know there’s a popular saying that goes “it’s none of my business what other people think of me,” but I’ve come to realize the value in getting rid of not just the need to know, but the why behind it all.

    There is so much to gain from not having the need to know why people treat you a certain way, especially when it is negative.

    For example, I remember a time when a relationship I was in ended. I was in a lot of pain as I attempted to process everything about the situation. More stressful however, were my attempts to try and figure out why the other person did what they did to hurt me and how they felt about me.

    I became a slave to my ‘need’ for this knowledge, holding it like a warm coal to keep me going, or so I thought. But what I was really doing was placing a burden on myself by trying to discover something that could neither help me nor change what had already happened.

    Can you imagine thinking that knowing why someone ‘broke your heart’ would free you? Yes, it took me a minute.

    Another instance was when a long time ‘friend’ slowly drifted away. They stopped communicating with me, acted like I was the one who made the 180 degree move and went silent, when all I did was follow their lead.

    For years I racked my brain trying figure out what changed? What did I do? What expectation did I not live up to?

    I was hurt.

    It gets Better

    In both situations I was at the mercy of this supposed obligation on my part. Trying to figure out people’s motivation, like a private eye and lawyers piecing together a murder mystery to ascertain motive. But all that was burdensome and simply made me sad.

    So over time I realized that it was fruitless and counterproductive.

    Knowing would not help me anyway and was needlessly tying me to people who really couldn’t care less about me.

    The decision therefore was for me to let go and free myself from this need.

     

     

    Almost instantly I realized the freedom there was, in not having to know why a person treated me a certain way.

    After having a quiet conversation with my ego I also acknowledged that rejection in any form is painful, but it’s also complete, no follow up answer necessary.

    I didn’t need an explanation of the other person’s ‘why’ to move on with my life. In fact, the sooner I let go of that notion, the quicker my freedom will come. Sure, the questions may linger at the back of my mind, but I refuse to be burdened by the need to know.

    Many of us fall into the trap when mourning relationships of trying to figure out the ‘why’ of it all – “why did this person choose to push me aside why does this person treat me a certain way?”

    But this gets us nowhere because it doesn’t change the reality of the rejection and it doesn’t free us from the memory of that hurt. So then what?

    It’s simply not wise to belabour the point.

     Much Better

    The other side of this coin has made my life so much more glorious!

    Listen, when people choose to walk away, I don’t even ask two times why and I refuse to worry about it.

    I’m good. Do you boo!

    If excommunicating me from your life is a positive life decision for you, I don’t need to be told twice. *peace*

    In the same vein, if people treat me a certain way, I am not trying to be their therapist. If it is too much for me to handle, then I’ll handle accordingly. Life’s too short trying to always question why people make certain uncomfortable decisions.

    I recognised just how powerful this stance is when I had to caution my closest friend on many occasions. She was always trying to figure out the thinking behind her tormentor’s motivations.

    “How could they think and behave the way they do?”

    I was always there to reminder her: “That’s not your concern and should not get in the way of your healing and progress, so keep it moving.”

    This was not her battle nor was it beneficial to her, attempting to know that. We live, we learn.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Know Thyself

    Know Thyself

    Sometime ago I was at home, having a mind muse when the thought “Know Thyself” popped into my mind. It was like fate inserted that timely reminder into my psyche to get me gathered.

    Of course, as musings go, I tweeted it out and it connected with a number of people.

    It seems we are always being reminded by life to know who we are, for ourselves. It is important and vital.

    Every day we go about our lives and typically we are in constant contact with other members of our communities – work, school, gym, family, etc.

    But what I’ve realized is that people are always trying to decide who we are, based on their perception and just how they experience us each day. It can be tempting to accept and even feel comfortable with these distinctions. Who doesn’t want to be considered ‘Lit’?

    Knowing who you are, fo’ real isn’t just something nice to say, it is a conscious examination of every facet that defines us and our actions.

    I Know Me

    I am an introvert.

    For a time, I felt comfortable saying that I was shy, but shyness didn’t fully account for some aspects of my personality, that went beyond how I felt around people.  It was more all encompassing and definitive.

    Shyness, people can get over, but I was different. I recognised that it took more out of me to attempt to make friends or even get to know people. To this day that’s still an issue, which has decreased over time, but is still evident.

    thyself

    Sadly, many people misconstrue my introversion for other things… dislike, disgust, disdain, aloofness even – when really I may just be too distracted trying to keep my ‘ish’ together.

    Nevertheless, I make no excuses.

    “There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” ― Tennessee Williams.I know myself and therefore I am unbothered by how people respond to that aspect of my personality; I know, I usually don’t mean people ill will, and therefore I try not to beat myself up about it.

    I’m a communicator, by profession.

    And while I acknowledge the irony of this, being able to compartmentalise aspects of my personality helps.

    The ebullient Communications professional asks all the questions, speaks into the microphone but someone who is also quiet and appreciates alone time.

    Standing my ground

    As I have matured and grown older, it has become easier for me to stand my ground and remain unbothered about other people’s issues with my idiosyncrasies. After almost four decades of refining and being truly honest with myself, it is safe to say, I don’t give a damn.

    But standing my ground also comes at a cost.

    There is the clear and present danger of me being misunderstood and misinterpreted by some folks. Most recently I have learned the value of truly standing in my truth and letting that do the talking.

    That includes accepting certain personal shortcomings and fully understanding that I am imperfect and a work in progress.

    Just Be

    It is because I am so aware of who I am, why I firmly reject labels which seek to oversimplify, and dilute the true essence of who I am.  I am more than what someone can throw at me in a phrase that seeks to define me.

    There is a joy that comes with knowing that you never owe another soul an explanation for who you are and the important choices you make.

    In knowing and fully acknowledging who I am, I have been able to come to terms with so many things that have occurred in my life over the past few years. The good that manifested from hard work and perseverance and the bad that was unearthed when the life decided to show me what was lurking under the surface.

    Probably the best part about knowing who I am is the fact that it makes any decision to change, that much easier. As I outlined in this post in June change is what keeps me driven and excited about life. I’m still learning, growing and changing. Some will like it, some won’t.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Change Everything!

    Change Everything!

    I’ve been absent but not missing.

    What started out as a one month blogging break eventually turned into a two month sabbatical.

    The break became necessary as I used the time to manage some monumental changes in my life.

    By far the biggest change that took place over the past two months was planning and implementing my move from one living space to another. Leaving the nest is a big deal because it is a meticulous gathering of your entire physical life from one space to the next and it is equal parts emotional and tiring as you strive to jump from one rock to another, while carrying a bunch of stuff you have acquired along the way.

    The whole experience paired with some other observations, have given me an opportunity to focus on change and why it is so vital for myself and all of us to accept.

    I often hear the statement: “The only constant thing in life is change” but right now, I could wax poetic for hours about change and all the wonders of newness!

    “The only constant thing in life is change”

    Change is the fertilizer that keeps me growing and every time I get an opportunity to evolve I take it.

     

    I have always been willing to accept change, because many times in my life, I had no choice but being willing to accept and acclimatize to change, always meant looking for that silver lining.

    There are many people who perceive me to be happy-go-lucky, positive and optimistic, and for the most part, their perception is correct, however that attitude is grounded in my willingness to always deal with changes as they come.

    People are People

    By far the most challenging changes I usually have to deal with is the shifting sands of loyalty from some of those closest to me, whether friends or family. It is always difficult when the actions of some people in your life cause you to take a closer look at them and how they fit into your life.

    Where most people seem to have a problem is when they have to make a decision to change course in a relationship, because culturally some of us have been taught to hold on until something detrimental happens that proves that the worse has occurred.

    I have adopted a simple principle when it comes to dealing with changes in the nature of my relationships. This includes anything that changes my perception of said relationship and the person – “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Oprah Winfrey

    This mantra has allowed me to really see the people who are part of my life, and acknowledge them accordingly. Sometimes, what I considered “change” was not in fact a shift in behaviour, just another opportunity to really see a person as they are.

    I am always thankful for those opportunities and whenever, upon reflection I ponder on why or how someone changed, I always seek to discover what was always right before my eyes.

    Roll, Roll, Roll

    Changes come into our lives in many shapes and forms and are often unexpected. Unplanned changes appear most daunting because the possible outcomes are always in the shadows.

    For example, changing jobs years ago was a joy, because of the possibilities that awaited me, plus an improved salary offer. But the unknown element did more than just scare me, it served to inspire me to not only give my all and really savour the opportunity to learn something completely new.

    From that experience, I’ve learned that the inverse of my fear and anxiety regarding a challenge will be excitement, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. It can be no other way! Why go through a challenge and not come out triumphant on the other side?

    Change is Good

    Finally, there comes a time when change becomes necessary, because it takes us to the next phase. It’s impossible to get to that unknown place, without accepting and adapting.

    I know many people who are afraid of change because it makes them uncomfortable and disoriented. But in many ways, discomfort usually means that a change is taking place, that more often than not, will be to your benefit.

    Discomfort is often a prelude to growth and that’s important to all of us, but whatever the change, whatever the challenge, just Keep Moving Forward!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Pushing Through

    Pushing Through

    The first two months of 2018 have been quite interesting for me as I’ve been hit with a case of fatigue and lethargy which are both exacerbated by a bad case of insomnia.

    Two very important things have become critical to ensuring that I don’t self-sabotage and just say – SCREW IT to all the goals I’ve set for 2018.

    I’ve sought out small victories to help propel me onward to try and achieve the other larger goals that I have. For example, 2018 is my declared year of Reading, but imagine my quandary with the fact that it’s almost the end of February and I’ve completed only one book so far. Finishing that book was such a vindication, and prevented me from otherwise beating myself up. I’m in the middle of two others though, so that counts as progress. I press on.

    The other saving grace has been the recognition that the difficult moments are no time to slack off. There have been days I feel like just can’t bother to do anything but the mundane – work, home, sleep – repeat. But then I realize that pushing through is what it’s all about.

    I usually begin a 5k or 10k race wondering “what have I gotten myself into?” and I often ask myself the question “Can I finish this race?” Not only do I usually finish, but I feel good while doing so, proving to myself time and time again that the joy is in the journey, trials and all.

    Now that I’ve set the stage and you have a better idea of where I am, let’s talk a bit about Lent.

    Things we Give Up

    I never pay the custom any mind, because the point of making a sacrifice never quite made sense to me. However from a purely self-serving point-of-view I could see how making a deliberate effort to form a new habit, or destroy a bad one, can work in my favour.

    Well, this year, I took a few moments on Ash Wednesday and decided to give up something for Lent – Online Shopping!

    I hate to think that I am addicted to anything, but in reality my mind is always convinced that everything that I ever purchase online, I absolutely need. No matter how small or inconsequential, I need(ed) it. And the thing is I abhor hoarding so always buying stuff, that I probably don’t need is just not something I can cope with.

    I have forty days to free myself of online shopping and all the triggers that get me to do it. For example, I recall being in line at a restaurant waiting for my food and I just happened to be on my phone, browsing the amazon app. While browsing I came upon a shoe that I had been watching for a quick minute and decided to buy it, because – great price.

    It’s literally that easy, takes not time and is right at the click of a button.

    The only exception is the payment for road races that I may choose to run over the period, and that will only be if I can’t pay for them in another way.

    This is my confession and this is how I’m handling it. It’s been just over two weeks and I haven’t cracked though temptations abound.  I follow blogs and retailers that constantly send me emails reminding that sales are on, or open my eyes to new products, but I must resist, resist, resist.  Online shopping isn’t a bad thing but the disconnect that it causes between want, need and cost is.

    Every day I overcome the temptation to buy something online, is yet another victory for me to feel that much better about myself, and keeps me pushing on to the next goal.

    What’s helping you to push through? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Let’s Talk About Love

    Let’s Talk About Love

    Recently, I lost my cousin to cancer. It was a first in my family, for us to lose someone who was part of my generation. Her name was Keisha and she was like a big sister who I spent summers with, in Manchester ever year from about 1987 until I was in my teens.

    I’m still processing the fact that she’s not here.

    But something has occurred to me.

    Even if she was alive and our ‘busy’ lives prevented us from seeing each other often or even talking, I would much rather that, than knowing she is no longer with us.

    I really want to talk about Love and I know Valentine’s day has sprung up and the marketing wizards are shoving romance into our faces, but I’m acknowledging that it’s more than just romance.

    Valentines hasn’t meant anything to me in years. Romance is so wonderful, something that I miss but not desperate for at the moment.

    I am truly happy for people who have found that special someone and have built and continue to maintain a relationship that feeds their souls. That’s such an important part of our journey through this life. As I grow older, I come to realize just how important it is.

    But every time I lose a member of my family and my history, it gives me pause to reflect upon how I love and who I love.

    Love beyond family has never been easy for me.

    I’m always trying to figure out where I stand with people and attempting to understand everything about the emotions and feelings that I have come to associate with love.

    LOVE D.I.Y.

    Love

    Some years ago, I went through, what I thought at the time was the most unimaginable hurt, the end of a relationship.

    The details of the whole situation were bad enough but the worst part was the feeling that I was going to come undone because of what I felt. It took everything in me, and time to realize that I could get over. I came through all of that knowing a few very important things about myself. One, I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and two, the greatest battle that I ever have to win, is discovering how to truly love myself.

    And that’s been the greatest lesson of all, one that I have to keep learning, re-learning and acknowledging every day.  Today I am the better for it and I love the idea of love and being in Love.

    It has actually brought me to an even more important conclusion, about all this love that we have to give throughout our lives.

    We have the romantic love we share with that special someone, but the friends in our lives are the ones who will probably be the most consistent beneficiaries of our love, test subjects even.

    The friendships we build teach us how to love, and they give us an opportunity to show love, where the main bond is an appreciation for and acceptance of the other person’s existence.

    But like all relationships, it helps when we have a clear fix on who we are first and not only accept ourselves, but LOVE every bit of who we see looking back at us in the mirror.

    Rupaul says it best “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

    Let LOVE be your guide!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Make it Count: 2018

    Make it Count: 2018

    As 2016 drew to a close, I made a promise to myself that I was going to make 2017 memorable.

    I was going to make myself so proud!

    At that point, in December last year, it wasn’t fully clear to me what my mission was but I knew that I had to fill the year with moments I could be proud of.

    With just a few days  left in the 2017, I am pumped! There is so much I was able to tick off and accomplish during this year. Even more important, was the foundation I was able to lay for things to come.

    I’m at a place in 2017 where I have already started to assemble some of the pieces that I hope will help me to make the most of 2018 and the opportunities that will arise.

    Let me share some of the strategies that I have developed to make my new year planning strategic and with achievable goals.

    Personal Retreat

    Companies, large and small, as well as business units all have one thing in common. They usually host a strategic annual retreat to figure out their plans for the new year. This retreat also gives the organisation the opportunity to look back at the year that was, to review what worked, what didn’t and how to improve in the future.

    I’ve been to a number of different types of retreats in my professional life and it’s always interesting how ideas and insights flow when participants are able to take a break from the mundanity of everyday ‘work’ and just do something different.

    So, why not stage a retreat for your personal life?

    2018 is ahead of you, and you have plans and goals, therefore, why not hold your own retreat and make strategic plans? After all you are the CEO of your life and the most important shareholder, bar none.

    I thought about this in 2016 and decided to do it.

    I took a day, went to a convenient place, with my laptop and strategised how I was going to make 2017 my year. During my own personal retreat I was conducting research, finding out costs, looking at different goals, setting deadlines and most importantly putting it all in writing.

    Throughout the year, I would occasionally go back into that document to keep track of my goals and identify things I’d achieved as opposed to things I hadn’t yet accomplished.

    You can enhance this by creating a vision board, based on the results of your personal retreat (if that works for you). Not only is this a deliberate approach to identifying and achieving your goals, but it helps to keep you accountable.

    Be Flexible

    In outlining the desires of your heart for the new year, be flexible, especially with your route to achieving those goals you have set. Note flexible is not a byword for lackluster or stagnant, instead consider it permission to be gentle with yourself.

    Acknowledge and count every move that gets you closer to the final goal. Every bit counts and preparing your mind to be flexible throughout the process, will be important.

    Be Realistic

    While being flexible, be realistic about your goals. Are all the elements in place to enable you to achieve them? What are you doing now or have done that will bring you a step closer to making that goal possible?

    Sometimes the route to the goal may not be immediately clear, but that doesn’t mean the goal is unrealistic. For example, if you plan to start selling baked goods on the side to make extra money during 2018, some of the realistic questions you need to ask are:

    1.      Do I have enough baking equipment?

    2.      Have I factored in the cost for ingredients?

    These are specific questions that are at the heart of a realistic plan to achieve that goal.

    Speak it into being

    You may hear self-help gurus say “Declare it!” as they encourage you to speak into the being the dreams and goals you want to accomplish.

    Guess what? It actually works!

    The simple act of vocalising the dream, the vision, the end goal is not only a powerful inducement to get it done, but also allows you to put it out their into the universe.

    I never realized how rewarding this was until earlier in 2017, when I was in the development stages of this blog.  I had given myself a deadline, one that I had to meet. While having a conversation with my older brother, Pete and discussing it, I felt so much more confident and ready to achieve the goal.

    Putting it in very simple terms, saying it out loud, made the whole thing REAL!

    Get Excited

    What are plans if you are not excited about them!

    Get over-the-top excited about everything you have coming in 2018. Be they small or large goals, they are yours!

    Let your excitement and enthusiasm be the propellant that pushes you forward, even during those dull moments when the effort seems pointless.

    Share some of the things you are doing to make the new year a go from the jump!

     

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • You can do Whatever you Like!

    You can do Whatever you Like!

    Life is short, and there are so many things that we are forced to do daily. Be it for work or some other obligation.

    So why not take some time to do something that YOU truly want to do!

    Nakeeta, a close friend of mine recently asked me a seemingly innocuous question but it was loaded with so much meaning.

    She asked: “Kevin, how do you make time to read?”

    And my response was: “I am deliberate about it. It’s difficult but I make a deliberate effort to do it.”

    deliberate

    I love to read but the reality is, it’s often a struggle making the time to do it for pleasure, but I do, even in small doses.

    In the midst of that conversation, I had an ‘Aha’ moment of my own. It was something I have been doing but not giving enough credence to, all this time.

    Make it Count!

    I was making a deliberate effort do the things I really wanted to do, reading included.

    But it goes beyond just being deliberate because when you think about it, it all comes down to how gentle we are with ourselves.

    We spend so much time in the cut and thrust of ‘living’ we forget to really be gentle to the person that we are. The consciousness that is within that reaches out and greets the world with every word we speak and every action we take.

    How do we seek to satisfy those needs that we all have as finite beings with limited time?

    Nakeeta was the one who introduced me to a swimming class years ago. I joined, learned to swim, and I refuse to leave.

    That swim class became symbolic, because it was the one thing, that I was doing with myself, for myself.

    Sure, I was also studying for my Masters Degree during the period, but the truth is, educational achievement, while fulfilling is not solely a gift to yourself. It is your gift of knowledge to humanity.

    I was learning to swim for me and I loved it.

    For that one hour, each week, I am truly one with the water.

    Choose for You

    While preparing this post, another piece of inspiration came my way in the form of John Urschel.

    Embed from Getty Images

    John, is a brilliant, former NFL lineman who lived on $25,000 a year while playing in the NFL for three years. He earned a total of $1.6 million dollars during his playing days, but chose to live off just 4% of his earnings.

    His financial shrewdness is what initially caught my attention and lead me to read the article that was written about him. But it was something else that left the most indelible impression.

    I was impressed by his outlook, especially what motivates him to live his life in the way he does.

    According to the article:

    He didn’t live on a modest $25,000 a year and drive a used car “because I’m frugal or trying to save for some big purchase,” Urschel said.”It’s because the things I love the most in this world (reading math, doing research, playing chess) are very, very inexpensive.”

    And that, ladies and gentlemen is what got me about John Urschel’s story. He chooses to live his life doing the things he loves. It just so happened that the activities that he loves to do, are inexpensive.

    How many of us make that decision to focus on doing things with our time that is truly fulfilling and worthwhile?

    I was recently reminded of how fragile and fleeting life can be. Therefore my time, my energy, how I choose to live and indulge must all be conscious decisions I make.

    One Love.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

    Let me know how you are doing YOU in the comments.

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  • To Have or Have Not: Children

    To Have or Have Not: Children

    I’ve often pondered some of the reasons I’ve decided not to have children, or in the Jamaica parlance pertaining to men and children “get any.”

    One of my reasons was pretty blunt – children are a premium I don’t wish to pay during my journey through life.

    But my reason for not wanting to have my own children, have opened my eyes to a number of other wide ranging issues around childbearing and how it all relates to our life choices.

    I believe children are ALWAYS a blessing, just usually ill-timed and sometimes inconvenient, for some. My contention has always been that an ill-timed child could throw a person’s life (especially the mothers’) off course.

    Multiple children could make a bad situation even worse – Lost educational opportunities, career opportunities, money opportunities, progress and independence.

    Light Bulb Moment

    And then I realized something…

    There are many women who have been able to make a successful go at life with their children in tow. Single motherhood, teenage pregnancy or multiple pregnancies, did not prove to be inherent progress blockers.

    So to the crux of my epiphany…

    We are the only ones standing in the way of our own progress and living our Best Lives!

    The Sacrifice

    parenthood

    The decision to have or not have children is catalytic for me because I’ve always seen parenthood as a speed bump or roadblock on a path to some yet unnamed multi-hyphenate future life (noting as well that for some, Parent is a desired title).

    But I’ve seen both sides of the coin, people who have one child, or a bunch and never reach a personal milestone beyond the ‘mundanity’ of survival and others who achieved great things despite parenthood.

    You may be wondering why I’ve chosen to juxtapose life goals with parenthood and specifically motherhood. This is due in part to that fact that I was raised by a single mother and I have a number of single mothers in my family.  I’ve often contemplated, what could’ve been different for each of these women had they not had children in the single parent context.

    But a new thought has also occurred to me: would ‘not having’ children have made a huge difference in how their lives played out? Would they have become CEO’s or small business owners?

    We may never know but what I do know is that ambition, dreams, the will to succeed and to grow beyond your ‘normal’, is only dimmed by death, not children.

    What a Privilege

    I readily accept my privilege as a man and acknowledge that my decision to not have children is taken in a completely different context, when compared to a woman making the same declaration.

    Our societies make harsh demands on women, even when married, about the when and why of having children.

    Even if I chose to have children, society holds that I am not the pregnant one so nuance dictates that I didn’t have a child, I ‘got one’.

    So to some fathers, it means an understood relationship where the man is positioned as a provider and not necessarily a caregiver.

    I’m looking beyond that and acknowledging that parenthood, for whom ever takes on the responsibility wholeheartedly is a BIG DEAL and a lifelong responsibility.

    parenthood

    Whether we regard children as an obstacle or a blessing, like any other challenge in life, we progress by surmounting them. We keep pushing and keep moving because it’s what life is about.

    Having to raise children is not an excuse for not living the life you want. Just as how not having a ‘good’ early home life should not determine your future, children are not an impediment.

    Life Comes at you fast

    But let’s take it a step further, beyond children and look at any challenging circumstance life throws in our path. Reality is, if we have the will and the determination, we will make a way.

    One of my favourite quotes from the book Who Moved my Cheese, by Spencer Johnson is “when you change what you believe, you change what you do.”  I believe.

    I may yet soften to the idea of having children of my own, but until then, my God children, nieces and nephews will suffice.

    Hats off to all the parents who are doing the best they can and building a life for their children and their future. You are all heroes!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Speaking Life: My Toastmasters Journey… so far

    Speaking Life: My Toastmasters Journey… so far

    People say the darndest things.

    So there I was, in Vancouver, Canada stepping into a taxi, as I headed to a session of the 2017 Toastmasters International Convention.

    When I sat down and got settled, the affable driver asked: “What brings you to Vancouver, brother?”

    I replied: “I’m here for the Toastmasters International Convention” to which he responds…

    “Toastmasters? Are you guys like, cooks who are really good at making toast or something?

    I had a hearty laugh and so should you. I never fail to be surprised by the number of people who simply have no idea what Toastmasters is.

    Ya gonna learn today!

    I Got Skills…

    I always thought I was a good communicator and I always figured I was quite articulate. That was, until I was introduced to and later became a Toastmaster.

    Now, when I heard about Toastmasters Clubs, I was weary as I had already spent some years as a member of a service club.

    Nevertheless, as my department at work was the epi-centre of Toastmasters activities I decided to join.

    That was 5 years ago and today I am truly grateful for the experience and opportunities that have blossomed from me becoming a member of this international organisation.

    The Programme

    Toastmasters International was founded in the United States in 1924 by Ralph Smedley and has since grown into a global community of professionals.

    public speaking

    The Toastmasters Educational programme is based on projects that help members to practice and sharpen their public speaking and leadership competencies.

    I’ve done just over 30 prepared speeches in my Toastmasters journey so far, ranging from the basics of introducing myself to full interpretive readings of plays.

    And the further I go, the more latitude I get to choose projects that are tailored to my personal and professional needs.

    Probably the greatest aspect of Toastmasters is the evaluation process which sees, fellow members providing friendly and pointed evaluations of my presentations. These evaluations are guided by outlines that accompany each speech project. Each evaluation is usually delivered in the sandwich technique where positive feedback is given, followed by suggestions, then with positive feedback.

    Aside from prepared speeches, I have also benefitted from impromptu speaking opportunities through Table Topics. These sessions are a formal part of all toastmasters meetings and allows any member to complete a two minute speech on the fly.

    On the leadership track I have blossomed tremendously over the years. I have served in many different roles within my club and at the District level. Those stints have enabled me to put my teambuilding and leadership skills to the test. Today, the experiences are bearing fruit in my professional life.

    Unique Value Proposition

    Toastmaster International has probably one of the greatest unique value propositions of any programme you will encounter.

    Imagine, leadership and public speaking training that is set at your own pace and at a fraction of the cost of more formalized instruction. Thankfully, Jamaica has a network of Toastmasters clubs, most of which are community based and meet almost every day of the week.

    One of the most exciting aspects of the Toastmasters experience is the speech contests, which are held twice a year, at every level. The international speech contest, extends from club competitions, all the way to the global level. The semi-final and final rounds are held at the annual Toastmasters International Convention.

    Public speakinh
    Here I am sharing a moment with Ryan Avery, the 2012 Toastmasters World Champion of Public Speaking at the 2013 TI Convention in Cincinnati.

    Speech contests are an opportunity to either participate or just watch competitive speakers, battle it out on the stage.

    This past summer was my second time attending a Toastmasters International Convention, having  attended the 2013 edition, held in Cincinnati, Ohio.

    toastmasters
    Canada Place in Downtown Vancouver, British Columbia

    As always, the convention floor is a melting pot of members from all over the world! I have networked with numerous people from various regions across the world. Through our common interests and the shared Toastmasters programme there were never ending conversations.

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    Had the pleasure of meeting with the team of Toastmasters from Sri Lanka.

    The cosmopolitan city of Vancouver, provided the perfect backdrop to this year’s event. The city matched the eclectic mix of people and cultures present at the event.

    Speak Easy

    Today, I credit my improved speech flow, recall and vocal dexterity to my time as a Toastmaster!

    When I speak, I am clear that I will be heard and I know how to command an audience’s attention. I can confidently say that I have no fear of public speaking. My ability to articulate off the cuff, has also gotten better.

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    As a lifelong learner, every toastmasters meeting and project I prepare for, teaches me something new.

    Probably the greatest transformations I have seen are in some of my fellow toastmasters. Members who have joined clubs and blossomed into confident speakers and leaders. Persons, who before joining were afraid to address a small group of people, have gone on to enter speech contests.

    The Toastmasters experience really works and watching others grow and flourish with their personal goals is truly inspiring.

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    Leave a comment and let me know more about the outlets you use to fulfill your life-long learning needs.

    And remember, if you have post suggestions, let me know here

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

  • You are a Force of Nature – Own It!

    You are a Force of Nature – Own It!

    I, like many others in the Caribbean, continue to watch spellbound as Hurricane Irma makes her destructive stride across the Caribbean, on her way to the US mainland.

    Earlier this week, I told a friend I felt compelled to use Irma as a metaphor to illustrate a point about how self-limiting we can be at times, even as the world sees us for the force of nature we truly are.

    I won’t continue with the metaphor but the message stands true.

    Self Sabotage

    How many times have you complained about a talent, that you didn’t have or something you thought you just couldn’t do? Or maybe it was a physical feature you thought wasn’t good enough?

    There are two distinct memories I have of doing just that and it took years for me to realize what the bigger lesson was.

    Interestingly enough, both incidents occurred while I was in University completing my first degree. It was a period I considered a second chance to step into adulthood after the ravages of high school (I’m dramatic, I know).

    Deeper

    My dream was to become a a broadcast journalist and I was blessed to receive some of the most nuanced and engaging training from Ms. Monica Johnson. She taught me Voice and Diction and Radio Broadcasting 1.

    Ms. Johnson, to this day is a dear mentor and friend, who back then, made you feel like you were the most special person on the planet, in a room full of other people. Her classes were a must-attend event, because we all knew that not only would we learn something, but also leave feeling a renewed sense of being.

    Talent-wise, I realised early on that I was blessed, but never did I take for granted that I stood to benefit and grow from any instruction and guidance, something I continue to hold true.

    Most people who have to work in broadcasting, or any sphere of self expression where they have to record, especially their speaking voice, will all say, they hated the sound of their own voice, at first.

     

    via GIPHY

    I am no different, but I would prefer to think I was indifferent to my voice, as opposed to all out hated it.

    It was ok, it could do interesting stuff and other people seemed to like it.

    But I distinctly remember an interlude that occurred after completing a voice exercise during one of Ms. Johnson’s radio classes.

    I had just finished reading a radio ad or some other piece, and Ms Johnson asked me: “How do you feel about that?”

    And I remember telling her that “I would like to make my voice a little deeper.”

    What she said next floored me.

    She said “Kevin, you have a very warm voice. I think that was very good.”

    It seemed simple enough but it had a real impact on my self-perception.

    I was so busy wanting a deep (er) voice, I completely missed the fact, that what I may’ve lacked in depth, I had in warmth.

    Jaw Dropper

    The second illuminating experience also occurred during my college years just before I got braces.

    Now, anyone who knew me in high school would probably remember the rambling madness that was my teeth.

    I had an open bite and pre-molars making their own rows where ever they chose. The top and bottom rows of my teeth were off-center  and my lip posture  was completely off. Needless to say, there were moments I was self conscious about my teeth and my smile.

    I didn’t think cute or even passable when I considered myself and it didn’t help that I loved to laugh! (still do).

    And while I was self conscious, I had gone through enough name-calling for it to not matter too much by that point. My teeth were a part of who I was and I could live with that.

    So as the story goes… I was sitting with a class mate somewhere on campus and we were talking.

    Somehow the conversation got around to teeth and she said to me… “Kevin you have beautiful teeth.”

    And I responded “Really?!”

    “Yes you do,” she replied. “They are packed but they are still beautiful.”

    That was a jaw dropping moment because before then, the word beauty was NEVER one I associated with my teeth.

    How could anyone see beauty, in my packed, open bite, double rowed mouth?

    I had completely overlooked the fact, that though my teeth were “all over the place,” I had big strong teeth nonetheless.

    I had no dental caries, no cavities, they were all there and a healthy shade of chalk.

    Own it!

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    These two small, but life altering exchanges have changed my outlook on life, who I think I am and how much of that limiting self-talk I am willing to believe.

    In each case, I was the first to point out all the things that were ‘wrong’ with me. But I neglected to acknowledge and appreciate the things that were good, and appealing. Somehow, loathing the ‘obvious’ was easier.

    I see this everyday in people who are close to me and not so close. They trample upon the aspects of who they are that make them special because they have to acknowledge and attempt to fix what is ‘wrong’.

    But we all should acknowledge and claim what is right and what is good about us!

    I am a Force of Nature

    I am able to achieve, create, grow, prosper and survive with all the gifts that I have been given.

    It is also significant that my eyes were opened to my own ‘gifts’ by other people. Sometimes, that outside perspective reveals aspects of who we are, that on our own, we refuse to acknowledge or accept.

    Don’t ignore the gift that you are.

    Keep searching, remain thankful and find all of what you have to offer the world.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

    Would love to hear your eye opening stories, feel free to share them with me here.