Kevin O'Bryan

Tag: live and learn

  • Letting Go of the Need to Know

    Letting Go of the Need to Know

    It has taken me a long time to learn an important lesson about life and relationships. It is the fact that I do not need to understand or ‘figure out’ why people treat me a certain way.

    I know there’s a popular saying that goes “it’s none of my business what other people think of me,” but I’ve come to realize the value in getting rid of not just the need to know, but the why behind it all.

    There is so much to gain from not having the need to know why people treat you a certain way, especially when it is negative.

    For example, I remember a time when a relationship I was in ended. I was in a lot of pain as I attempted to process everything about the situation. More stressful however, were my attempts to try and figure out why the other person did what they did to hurt me and how they felt about me.

    I became a slave to my ‘need’ for this knowledge, holding it like a warm coal to keep me going, or so I thought. But what I was really doing was placing a burden on myself by trying to discover something that could neither help me nor change what had already happened.

    Can you imagine thinking that knowing why someone ‘broke your heart’ would free you? Yes, it took me a minute.

    Another instance was when a long time ‘friend’ slowly drifted away. They stopped communicating with me, acted like I was the one who made the 180 degree move and went silent, when all I did was follow their lead.

    For years I racked my brain trying figure out what changed? What did I do? What expectation did I not live up to?

    I was hurt.

    It gets Better

    In both situations I was at the mercy of this supposed obligation on my part. Trying to figure out people’s motivation, like a private eye and lawyers piecing together a murder mystery to ascertain motive. But all that was burdensome and simply made me sad.

    So over time I realized that it was fruitless and counterproductive.

    Knowing would not help me anyway and was needlessly tying me to people who really couldn’t care less about me.

    The decision therefore was for me to let go and free myself from this need.

     

     

    Almost instantly I realized the freedom there was, in not having to know why a person treated me a certain way.

    After having a quiet conversation with my ego I also acknowledged that rejection in any form is painful, but it’s also complete, no follow up answer necessary.

    I didn’t need an explanation of the other person’s ‘why’ to move on with my life. In fact, the sooner I let go of that notion, the quicker my freedom will come. Sure, the questions may linger at the back of my mind, but I refuse to be burdened by the need to know.

    Many of us fall into the trap when mourning relationships of trying to figure out the ‘why’ of it all – “why did this person choose to push me aside why does this person treat me a certain way?”

    But this gets us nowhere because it doesn’t change the reality of the rejection and it doesn’t free us from the memory of that hurt. So then what?

    It’s simply not wise to belabour the point.

     Much Better

    The other side of this coin has made my life so much more glorious!

    Listen, when people choose to walk away, I don’t even ask two times why and I refuse to worry about it.

    I’m good. Do you boo!

    If excommunicating me from your life is a positive life decision for you, I don’t need to be told twice. *peace*

    In the same vein, if people treat me a certain way, I am not trying to be their therapist. If it is too much for me to handle, then I’ll handle accordingly. Life’s too short trying to always question why people make certain uncomfortable decisions.

    I recognised just how powerful this stance is when I had to caution my closest friend on many occasions. She was always trying to figure out the thinking behind her tormentor’s motivations.

    “How could they think and behave the way they do?”

    I was always there to reminder her: “That’s not your concern and should not get in the way of your healing and progress, so keep it moving.”

    This was not her battle nor was it beneficial to her, attempting to know that. We live, we learn.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How to be a Better Person 101

    How to be a Better Person 101

    Sometimes I get all hot and bothered about how terrible people can be, in every sphere of life. It simply amazes me how selfish and garbage we are to each other, in daily life. For many of us, we get to witness the ‘joy’ that is humanity at the place we spend most of our time – work or in traffic.

    We’ve been led to believe that being a good person is as easy as putting on a happy face and saying good morning to every person you encounter in the morning.

    But real life isn’t as simple, because while, being a good person is largely self-determined, managing how we react and respond to others around us, is not quite the same.

    I have a bunch of pet peeves about how we treat each other and there are some simple things that we all can choose to do, as a personal standard, across all spheres of our lives, to be better people.

    I have my own weaknesses and I acknowledge that I am a work in progress, may this be as valuable for me as it is for you.

    Stop breaking your own heart

    How do we break our own hearts you may ask? By breaking the promises we make to ourselves, for ourselves; by not doing things that enrich our lives; by using our valuable time doing things that break us down instead of building us up. There is so much harm that we do to our own person every day. And it seems easy to disregard because it is internal but it’s important. Too often we don’t realize that the journey to being a better person for others begins with us being good to ourselves.

    Figure out Loyalty and be Loyal

    The world considers loyalty a gift that keeps on giving, in fact Confucius said “Be loyal and trustworthy. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than yourself in this regard.” But don’t assume that it’s something that you will know automatically. We all have to figure out what it means to us because, this will determine how we relate that understanding to our relationships with others.

    Talk Truth

    So easy to say, yet, seemingly so hard to do! The lies you tell to yourself, your mama, your best friend, your boss. But if you make a commitment to put a premium on being honest in your life, then it shouldn’t be a problem. This includes dealing with the consequences of telling lies. And half-truths or lying by omission technically don’t count as being truthful. We muddy the waters of our lives by being dishonest. Ripples from lies go far, even when we think there are no consequences.

    Stop wasting people’s time

    You read right. Stop wasting people’s time in all the ways that you do. If you are not interested, let them know. If you don’t want them, let them know. If they can’t fit into your life, let them know. What you shouldn’t be doing is dragging people along when you really have little or no interest in even considering them a valued part of your life.

    Be on time

    Contrary to popular belief, punctuality gives you so much power over a situation. Just imagine having a reputation that is centred on the fact that you are always on time. So for one, you will not be the person who usually waste’s people’s time, but you may even earn the label ‘dependable’.  That counts for much in certain aspects of our lives. Punctuality, just like being well dressed, is a gift that you give to others.

    Add Value

    In your every action and word, are you being a change maker? Can anyone truly say that you add value to their lives? We don’t often look at our lives in this way, but if we all consider that our time is finite, then every moment we have is currency. This currency, we get to decide how and with whom to spend. So how are you adding value with your time and energy? I try to add value to the lives of those I love and share my time with. Lately I’ve realized that I not only have something to say, but I can probably teach others a thing or two as well, my way of adding value, somehow.

    Stop Judging People…

    We make judgements about people based on so many different factors, but really is it worth it? I think I’ve matured a bit because this is something I have to deal with and manage as well. Because, my own judgement and perception of people can sometimes be self-limiting and prevents me from being open to the idiosyncrasies of different people. I’m re-learning how to deal with other people from a distant by simply observing. That’s my strategy though and it keeps me centred and less ‘judgy’.

    Take IG Breaks

    Social media is fun and a great outlet for expression but sometimes, in order to help us be our best selves, it’s a good idea to let go of its tethers. But it isn’t a bad thing to take a quick break from your social media sometimes, specifically, IG. After being force fed a curated visual representation of someone else’s life over a period of time, it’s almost inevitable that some of us will start sizing ourselves up and compare. It’s not worth it. Take a break if and whenever you need to focus on yourself and just thrive in your own aura.

    better person

    This is a not panacea or even specifically advice just my way of being less of a trash person. It takes work, but we can do it.

    What are some of the things you are doing to be a better person?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    If you know me personally, you are very aware that I love a good laugh and my sense of humour is always ready to be tickled. With that preamble there should be no surprise about the context of this blog. Different fragments of this idea have been tumbling around in my head for a while, so here goes.

    I was recently, relaxing on a beach where there happened to be a wedding underway. I was in ear shot, so I could hear the ceremony begin with the familiar strains of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March.

    Once that was over I assumed that the official part of the ceremony had begun. Soon after I heard one of my favourite Stevie Wonder tunes begin to play: ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’. I thought to myself, that’s as appropriate a song as any for the DJ to play at that exact moment.

    And after hearing that it occurred to me, suppose the DJ had chosen to play the wrong song(s) on this very special occasion?

    A wedding is such a precious memory for the happy couple but you best believe that there are a few things that can ruin it – drunken guests, exes, quarreling family members and most importantly, questionable  musical selections.

    I have jokingly considered some of the most inappropriate songs to be either played by a DJ, dedicated or used as a toast by a guest or generally be heard anywhere near a wedding ceremony. So in no particular order, here are my top 5 worst songs to play at a wedding and some alternatives, because hey, I got your back #nojoke. Be guided and thank me later.

    Wedding No No: As We Lay – Kelly Price

    I love this song!  Kelly Price’s remake of this Shirley Murdoch original was a new classic when she covered it in 2000. Beautiful arrangement and singing cannot however hide the fact that this song is about a woman pining over another woman’s husband, with whom she has previously spent the night with.

    It’s worth mentioning that a few years ago, Kelly was invited to an event organised by a church to perform some of her hits. However, due to a timing issue her performance was pushed up too close to the beginning of the church’s main convention event. Let’s just say, it made headlines, and they weren’t pretty. What’s even worse, As we Lay was one of the songs that she performed. It sounds good and could probably be perfect for an intimate dance, but not at a wedding, unless you are really trying to be super MESSY.  Save yourself the embarrassment or bruises and go with my suggested alternative: Why I Love You by MAJOR.

    Wedding No No: If Walls Could Talk – Celine Dion

    I remember the first time I encountered this song. It was in 1999 when Celine released her ‘All the Way’ album. I love it for a number of reasons such as the fact that it was produced by Robert ‘Mutt’ Lange, ex-husband of Shania Twain plus, Shania did some of the backup on the track.

    The song is sensual, perfectly arranged and sets the tone for so much romance. So no wonder it is a popular tune at strip joints and go-go clubs in Jamaica, which is funny because it was never a single, so DJs at these clubs must’ve really loved it, thus solidifying its popularity. All that being said, let’s lower the temperature at the wedding a tad bit and leave this off the playlist, at least, during the early part of the reception. Keep it safe and accessible and suggest the DJ play another Celine fave: Because you Loved me.

    Wedding No No: Ordinary People – John Legend

    Alright, weddings are deep and emotionally, they rank pretty high as life events. But is the ceremony the place to dig up all that ‘real’ drama? It is supposed to be a fantasy that will  make not only an indelible impression on guests, but give the married couple something wonderful to remember for years to come (hopefully). That said, reminding that they are ordinary people “who just need to take it slow” is NOT goals’.  Cut to the chase and make an appropriate dedication with John’s other tune: All of me. 

    I know I’m not the only one – Sam Smith

    So, my admission, I loved Sam Smith’s first album and the songs he wrote and performed so ably during that era. However, his repertoire leaves much to be desired when it comes to visions of matrimonial bliss.  Here-to-fore, it would be highly inappropriate for anyone attending a wedding or otherwise involved to either perform or dedicate this song to the happy couple. I don’t care if you love it. Sadly, it’s slim pickings from Sam, because he hasn’t quite mastered presenting stable relationships in his music just yet. That said, if you must have a Sam Smith song played, choose: Latch (Acoustic). 

     

    Ready For Love – India Arie

    India Arie has a song for every mood. For the generation who may have missed her emergence and glory days, do a youtube search for “Strength, Courage and Wisdom” (you’re welcome). She has a number of ballads and has always been able to capture some of those vulnerable aspects of relationships and love that, otherwise don’t get featured in popular music (Just check this tune).

    Now, Ready for Love would seem like a perfect complement to any wedding, however check the lyrics and you’ll realize that it speaks to a place on the journey of love that the newlyweds should be past. I would hope that I am more than ready for love on my wedding day, but maybe that’s just me. She has a beautiful alternative in this song: Can I walk with you. 

    Tell me some of your wedding song no-no’s and must haves in the comments section!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

    Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

     

    Email writing etiquette in the professional environment is very important. It could mean the difference between making a lifelong work friend or making an enemy forever that could realistically, lead to your dismissal. Many people completely misconstrue the purpose of emails that are sent in the corporate setting and I believe this causes confusion.

    Growing up I remember specifically when I was in primary school or maybe High School I went through different classes where I was taught how to write a business letter and one of the most significant things I can recall is that a business letter is always to the point and completely factual. No overly saccharine greetings and pleasantries necessary, you just get to the point and say what you needed to say.

    However it seems that nowadays there is no middle ground between being polite and businesslike on one end of the spectrum and being completely rude on the other.

    It’s as if it is less about business and more about personalities.

    So, if I write an email that is to the point I’m considered rude, without even trying. I am not saying that writing an email for work has to be cold and austere however there should be a clear balance between cordial and informative, after all, that is the point, right?

    All that said, I want to share with you all some pointers on how not to rattle the apple cart at work, when it comes to communicating via email.

    Don’t Take it personal (all the time)

    One of the things that I definitely think I may need to tell myself is not to read too much into what people write in work emails.  Why? Because sometimes the writers are completely oblivious to the fact that the way they have expressed themselves in an email is rude and condescending.

     

     

    These are usually the worst offenders because they are also the most confident. That said, it doesn’t mean that you should not call people out on their bad emails, especially if there is a pattern. Just because there are people who do not know that their method is flawed, doesn’t mean there aren’t those who deliberately write and share problematic messages. Know the difference and respond accordingly.

     

    Miss me with the ‘Kindly’

    Adding kindly to an email does not make it kinder, more pleasant or friendly!

    I remember years ago reading an eye opening tip from my respected colleague and friend, Marie Berbick, about using the word kindly and the fact that it can be misconstrued as being rude and condescending and ever since I’ve been sensitive about using the word. In fact I judge people who use kindly as much as, if not more than I judge persons who have a weak handshake (don’t judge me).

     

    Try not to use the word kindly in fact you don’t need to use it at all in your email. When making a request, adding ‘kindly’ won’t actually make it easier to swallow. Sadly, most people when sending requests for action, add the word, not realizing how demanding they appear, instead of nice as they intended.

    Bad idea: ‘As per my last email…’

    The famous ‘as per my last email’ is not only unnecessary but it’s very aggressive. Now I understand if you’re writing to a lender, someone who owes you money or even someone who is holding up your business and stressing you out but is it really necessary for an email to a colleague?

     

    The milder version of this, ‘as per our discussion’ is a bit more palatable because it is actually factual. It acknowledges that “a discussion was had and we’re just bringing it to the email world”  thereby providing context and there’s an understanding that we are communicating on this subject. Somehow it feels a bit less agreesive than ‘as per my last email’, for some reason.

    But reminding me that you had sent an email previously is not absolutely necessary, and for the most part is an aggravation.

    Cc me Not!

    In many work environments it is considered the highest form of aggression when you copy not only a person’s manager but every other person in their department on an email. Why? because you are saying “hey I’m escalating this but I still want you to be a part of it” or “I’m trying to shame you because this is my opportunity to show you up.”

     

    Now, it is sometimes necessary to copy additional people on an email, but must it be done in an attempt to speed up a process? Does it usually work?  It can be an effective ‘tool’ but you must know when and how to use it in getting your job done.

    The ‘Reply All’ Queens

    This one personally ticks me off all the time and it goes beyond the professional world. Imagine, there are 30 people who have been copied on an email. The message doesn’t require every member of the group to respond to confirm anything it really was just an FYI. However there is always that one person who chooses to respond with something like “thank you” or “noted” and not only do they respond like that to the person who sent it they ‘reply all’. The ‘reply all’ button is your enemy use it sparingly, if ever.

    (Don’t) Call Me

    Unless it’s an extremely important emergency, then calling me to confirm that I received your email is not absolutely necessary or cute.  It’s actually super annoying and there is a level of control that you’re trying exert over me because you expect that your email deserves immediate attention. I mean, of course I have nothing else to do so why wouldn’t I just action your request a few seconds after you sent your email?

     

    Many of the issues around email etiquette can be solved with one simple solution: READING!
    The reality is many of us don’t actually read and comprehend the messages that we receive and therefore we don’t adequately equip ourselves to properly respond. It’s not easy because not everyone is confident in expressing themselves in writing, but it comes with the territory.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Change Everything!

    Change Everything!

    I’ve been absent but not missing.

    What started out as a one month blogging break eventually turned into a two month sabbatical.

    The break became necessary as I used the time to manage some monumental changes in my life.

    By far the biggest change that took place over the past two months was planning and implementing my move from one living space to another. Leaving the nest is a big deal because it is a meticulous gathering of your entire physical life from one space to the next and it is equal parts emotional and tiring as you strive to jump from one rock to another, while carrying a bunch of stuff you have acquired along the way.

    The whole experience paired with some other observations, have given me an opportunity to focus on change and why it is so vital for myself and all of us to accept.

    I often hear the statement: “The only constant thing in life is change” but right now, I could wax poetic for hours about change and all the wonders of newness!

    “The only constant thing in life is change”

    Change is the fertilizer that keeps me growing and every time I get an opportunity to evolve I take it.

     

    I have always been willing to accept change, because many times in my life, I had no choice but being willing to accept and acclimatize to change, always meant looking for that silver lining.

    There are many people who perceive me to be happy-go-lucky, positive and optimistic, and for the most part, their perception is correct, however that attitude is grounded in my willingness to always deal with changes as they come.

    People are People

    By far the most challenging changes I usually have to deal with is the shifting sands of loyalty from some of those closest to me, whether friends or family. It is always difficult when the actions of some people in your life cause you to take a closer look at them and how they fit into your life.

    Where most people seem to have a problem is when they have to make a decision to change course in a relationship, because culturally some of us have been taught to hold on until something detrimental happens that proves that the worse has occurred.

    I have adopted a simple principle when it comes to dealing with changes in the nature of my relationships. This includes anything that changes my perception of said relationship and the person – “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Oprah Winfrey

    This mantra has allowed me to really see the people who are part of my life, and acknowledge them accordingly. Sometimes, what I considered “change” was not in fact a shift in behaviour, just another opportunity to really see a person as they are.

    I am always thankful for those opportunities and whenever, upon reflection I ponder on why or how someone changed, I always seek to discover what was always right before my eyes.

    Roll, Roll, Roll

    Changes come into our lives in many shapes and forms and are often unexpected. Unplanned changes appear most daunting because the possible outcomes are always in the shadows.

    For example, changing jobs years ago was a joy, because of the possibilities that awaited me, plus an improved salary offer. But the unknown element did more than just scare me, it served to inspire me to not only give my all and really savour the opportunity to learn something completely new.

    From that experience, I’ve learned that the inverse of my fear and anxiety regarding a challenge will be excitement, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. It can be no other way! Why go through a challenge and not come out triumphant on the other side?

    Change is Good

    Finally, there comes a time when change becomes necessary, because it takes us to the next phase. It’s impossible to get to that unknown place, without accepting and adapting.

    I know many people who are afraid of change because it makes them uncomfortable and disoriented. But in many ways, discomfort usually means that a change is taking place, that more often than not, will be to your benefit.

    Discomfort is often a prelude to growth and that’s important to all of us, but whatever the change, whatever the challenge, just Keep Moving Forward!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Pushing Through

    Pushing Through

    The first two months of 2018 have been quite interesting for me as I’ve been hit with a case of fatigue and lethargy which are both exacerbated by a bad case of insomnia.

    Two very important things have become critical to ensuring that I don’t self-sabotage and just say – SCREW IT to all the goals I’ve set for 2018.

    I’ve sought out small victories to help propel me onward to try and achieve the other larger goals that I have. For example, 2018 is my declared year of Reading, but imagine my quandary with the fact that it’s almost the end of February and I’ve completed only one book so far. Finishing that book was such a vindication, and prevented me from otherwise beating myself up. I’m in the middle of two others though, so that counts as progress. I press on.

    The other saving grace has been the recognition that the difficult moments are no time to slack off. There have been days I feel like just can’t bother to do anything but the mundane – work, home, sleep – repeat. But then I realize that pushing through is what it’s all about.

    I usually begin a 5k or 10k race wondering “what have I gotten myself into?” and I often ask myself the question “Can I finish this race?” Not only do I usually finish, but I feel good while doing so, proving to myself time and time again that the joy is in the journey, trials and all.

    Now that I’ve set the stage and you have a better idea of where I am, let’s talk a bit about Lent.

    Things we Give Up

    I never pay the custom any mind, because the point of making a sacrifice never quite made sense to me. However from a purely self-serving point-of-view I could see how making a deliberate effort to form a new habit, or destroy a bad one, can work in my favour.

    Well, this year, I took a few moments on Ash Wednesday and decided to give up something for Lent – Online Shopping!

    I hate to think that I am addicted to anything, but in reality my mind is always convinced that everything that I ever purchase online, I absolutely need. No matter how small or inconsequential, I need(ed) it. And the thing is I abhor hoarding so always buying stuff, that I probably don’t need is just not something I can cope with.

    I have forty days to free myself of online shopping and all the triggers that get me to do it. For example, I recall being in line at a restaurant waiting for my food and I just happened to be on my phone, browsing the amazon app. While browsing I came upon a shoe that I had been watching for a quick minute and decided to buy it, because – great price.

    It’s literally that easy, takes not time and is right at the click of a button.

    The only exception is the payment for road races that I may choose to run over the period, and that will only be if I can’t pay for them in another way.

    This is my confession and this is how I’m handling it. It’s been just over two weeks and I haven’t cracked though temptations abound.  I follow blogs and retailers that constantly send me emails reminding that sales are on, or open my eyes to new products, but I must resist, resist, resist.  Online shopping isn’t a bad thing but the disconnect that it causes between want, need and cost is.

    Every day I overcome the temptation to buy something online, is yet another victory for me to feel that much better about myself, and keeps me pushing on to the next goal.

    What’s helping you to push through? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Let’s Talk About Love

    Let’s Talk About Love

    Recently, I lost my cousin to cancer. It was a first in my family, for us to lose someone who was part of my generation. Her name was Keisha and she was like a big sister who I spent summers with, in Manchester ever year from about 1987 until I was in my teens.

    I’m still processing the fact that she’s not here.

    But something has occurred to me.

    Even if she was alive and our ‘busy’ lives prevented us from seeing each other often or even talking, I would much rather that, than knowing she is no longer with us.

    I really want to talk about Love and I know Valentine’s day has sprung up and the marketing wizards are shoving romance into our faces, but I’m acknowledging that it’s more than just romance.

    Valentines hasn’t meant anything to me in years. Romance is so wonderful, something that I miss but not desperate for at the moment.

    I am truly happy for people who have found that special someone and have built and continue to maintain a relationship that feeds their souls. That’s such an important part of our journey through this life. As I grow older, I come to realize just how important it is.

    But every time I lose a member of my family and my history, it gives me pause to reflect upon how I love and who I love.

    Love beyond family has never been easy for me.

    I’m always trying to figure out where I stand with people and attempting to understand everything about the emotions and feelings that I have come to associate with love.

    LOVE D.I.Y.

    Love

    Some years ago, I went through, what I thought at the time was the most unimaginable hurt, the end of a relationship.

    The details of the whole situation were bad enough but the worst part was the feeling that I was going to come undone because of what I felt. It took everything in me, and time to realize that I could get over. I came through all of that knowing a few very important things about myself. One, I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and two, the greatest battle that I ever have to win, is discovering how to truly love myself.

    And that’s been the greatest lesson of all, one that I have to keep learning, re-learning and acknowledging every day.  Today I am the better for it and I love the idea of love and being in Love.

    It has actually brought me to an even more important conclusion, about all this love that we have to give throughout our lives.

    We have the romantic love we share with that special someone, but the friends in our lives are the ones who will probably be the most consistent beneficiaries of our love, test subjects even.

    The friendships we build teach us how to love, and they give us an opportunity to show love, where the main bond is an appreciation for and acceptance of the other person’s existence.

    But like all relationships, it helps when we have a clear fix on who we are first and not only accept ourselves, but LOVE every bit of who we see looking back at us in the mirror.

    Rupaul says it best “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

    Let LOVE be your guide!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • People we should leave behind in January 2018

    People we should leave behind in January 2018

    We have a way of mistitling and misrepresenting the people in our lives. We mistakenly call some ‘friends’, ‘day ones’, ‘girlfriend’, ‘boyfriend’, ‘Bae’ – all in the name of placement and proximity.

    The truth is, over time, we pay dearly for these mistakes because every person in your life comes at a cost. The cost however is relative to how much of yourself you’re willing to put on the line for these people.

    So as we end the first month of 2018, I felt it was valuable to take a moment to identify and call out some of the characters that float through my life, and probably yours.

    Let’s declare it. We are leaving the whole lot of them in January 2018, where they belong! Let the year officially begin.

    The Liars

    Diana King has a famous song titled L-L-Lies which describes a lover who continues to lie through his teeth, despite the fact that he was caught practically red handed, cheating. The liar in your life is like that and even worse, because they are prone to lying to you about things that don’t even concern you.

    When someone close enough to you chooses to lie about their actions or things going on in their lives, it’s time to bid them farewell. The worst lies are stupid lies, told by even stupid(er) people. Leave that in 2017.

    The Time Vampires

    We are all trying to be progressive because life is about moving forward and levelling up. In 2018, many opportunities abound for us to level up and create the life that we deserve. In order to do that, we must harness our most valuable resource, strategically and efficiently.

    Time Vampires, are always up to hang and be idle, but never for anything productive or uplifting. They come in various forms too, such as that person you’ve been ‘kinda seeing’ but to date you’re unable to define what it is y’all have exactly – That’s time vampire behaviour!

    Don’t be anyone’s time piece! They are consuming your time at their convenience while you rationalise and call it complicated. Get real!

    The Perpetually Sorry

    If there is anyone in your life who has reason to be telling you ‘sorry’ alot, bid them farewell! Sorry is not a password for continued malfeasance and it usually outlives its usefulness after the fourth or fifth time being used to excuse the same action.

    Unfortunately, there are many people who believe that sorry is a cure-all that makes everything ok. It is not and you should not have to accept it.

    It becomes quite ridiculous when someone repeatedly finds them self in a position to be apologising, so much so that sorry becomes the word you most often associate with them. Let them keep the apologies and leave them and their bad ways in January 2018.

    The Borrowers

    Mendicancy is such a terribly unattractive quality. Too bad many of us have not grown immune to the power of those who are always begging/borrowing.

    You have plans for your life, you have a budget, you make sacrifices… yet this person always seems to be moving in the completely opposite direction in terms of values. So it comes like nothing for them to borrow from you. Good hearted as you are, you lend, freely. Then comes time for you to be repaid… there are a multiplicity of issues that surround you getting back your money. There’s drama. You vow never again. You forget. Then the borrower returns.

    Let’s leave these awful borrowing experiences in January 2018. The disrespect and misfortune that you experienced before should be left in the past. Make a pledge to give the gift of a NO more often and save yourself the trouble.

    The Ignorers

    It’s time to take back your attention. At this moment, there are people you are giving your energy and time to, and they have chosen to ignore you.

    Let go.

    Let’s focus on the real people, the ones who are present and who care for who you are. Sometimes the best thing you can do is accept the apology and explanation that you never received.

    There were a few more personas that I wanted to call out, but I feel that they would be pretty obvious. January was a good test run, it’s now time to really get the year started. Clear your space and your head because 2018 is officially open for business.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • My Year of Reading

    My Year of Reading

    After the rush of Christmas and all things festive to ring out 2017, I took the first two weeks of 2018 as a time to reflect, observe and feel out the pace of this very momentous year.

    I am being patient with myself and also mindful of the excitement that these first weeks bring.

    After all they are loaded with so much care, so much anticipation and hope. But I am aware that we have 12 months so I need to make my steps strategic

    That said, during this time, I made some very interesting observations, some new and others, necessary reminders.

    Here they are:

    1. Keep a “To-Don’t” List
    2. Don’t fight over things that are behind you
    3. Perfection a.k.a. procrastination is the enemy of progress
    4. Life comes at you quick
    5. Life is fragile
    6. You’re only a single decision away from changing your life forever, at any given moment

    While doing all this ‘observing’, I realized that with all the excitement of 2017, I hadn’t taken a proper vacation!

    It was an exciting year for me: got a mini promotion, then a mega promotion all while starting this blog, being voted my club’s Toastmaster of the year and becoming an adjunct lecturer at my alma mater.

    But all that means nothing if I’m not taking enough time for self-care. Therefore I am making an effort to schedule and take my hold-over vacation days. This means more time for one of my favourite things to do, reading!

    Reading Maketh the Man

    I’m declaring this the year of reading because I really will be reading a lot more than usual. I currently have a bevy of books on my list and I plan to read as many as I can.

    My love of historic and contemporary literature, means that I am trying to balance between the works of Marlon James and Yaa Gyasi as well as historical non-fiction, and some notable self help books.

    Reading is important to me because I believe that being able to get lost in a book is always a good thing. I don’t discriminate either.

    Many people feel that reading self empowerment books are all we need to make our lives better. Who doesn’t want to learn how to win Friends and influence people or the Power of Intention?

    I too would love the benefits of these deep, thought provoking meditations on how to live a better life and be a fully self actualized person. But I also think it’s beneficial to enjoy the stories, real or imagined, that fill our lives and allows us all to think.

    One of the most interesting books I read in 2017 came quite by surprise (Thank you Amazon). I happened upon this book while scrolling through twitter, via an article.

    The article chronicled the story of Gail Lukasik who discovered that her mother was actually part black but chose to pass for white and abandoned her African-American origins.

    She wrote about her experience and her journey to discovering a whole new family in a book titled White Like Her: My Family’s Story of Race and Racial Passing.

    I learned so much reading that book and it was an immense pleasure, because it touched on topics I am very fond of – history, family and race, especially the idea of passing.

    Equally interesting was Kei Miller’s August Town, which was such a rich story set in Jamaica and filled with history.

    Balance.

    2018 is exciting! I have some interesting things planned for the blog in terms of content.

    I’m ready!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • 4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas! Festive, colourful, filled with religious symbolism and a spendthrift’s playground.

    The Christmas season always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, because I grew up spending most of them in the cool climes of Manchester, Jamaica with my great grandmother, so many years ago.

    It meant a time for gifts (if I was lucky), sorrel and my Gramma’s perfect Christmas cake! For the times I spent Christmas at home in Kingston I would join the excited throngs in Half Way Tree on Christmas Eve for Gran’ market. That meant walking around with my mom, looking for clothes or toys or anything good they had on sale.

    Only when I became an adult, did I come to fully appreciate the commercial aspect of Christmas, and how, for the most part it has become our most faithful reaction to the season that is supposed to be about good will to all men.

    December payday plus bonus pay (if you are so fortunate) is one of the most anticipated all year. Unfortunately, it is also the one with the most regrets.

    So to make this easy, I’m going to share with you four things that you shouldn’t be doing with your pay check or bonus this Christmas.

     

    Beg Fren’

    If they were not your friend throughout the year, don’t let the repetitive Christmas carols woo you into believing December is the time to change all that. The fact is Christmas is a weird season. A whole month of goodwill, giving, merriment, eating, drinking, ‘happy times’ – don’t drink too much of the spiked sorrel.

    People will wander back into your life, because for some, it’s a good time to let bygones be bygones.

    I say keep it moving and enjoy your season with the knowledge that when you’re broke on January 10, they will not be around to help you out.

    How many times have people resurfaced during Christmas, just in time for you to go out with them to a party or some other event? Being as caught up as you are, you don’t take the time to consider that maybe, I don’t want to be doing this, with this person, right now.

    But you throw caution to the wind, because, Christmas.

    Don’t do it!

    P.S. – Apply this rule to problematic members of your family as needed.

     

    Pay for that Annual Gym membership

    Ok ok… hear me out on this one. It sounds good right?

    And for some, it’s a most noble decision to join the gym and get your body ready for Carnival or whatever other goal you have in mind for 2018. But do you really believe sinking your hard earned cash into that sumptuous discounted annual gym membership fee, with your December salary is a wise choice, at Christmas?

    For those who are already committed and truly want to join the gym, then by all means put that money down.

    But if you are like many of us, who simply want to assuage our ego and trick our brain into believing that spending all that money, one time, near the beginning of a new year, will push us to actually go to the gym, THINK AGAIN!

    Don’t fool yourself. If you want to pay for a year, do it in February, when the New Year’s resolution folks have stopped going. At least by then it won’t be as full.

     

    Go to every Party

    Christmas was apparently invented as one big season of parties. In fact, the week between Christmas Eve and New Years Day, is practically party palooza everywhere. And why not? What better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than with reverie and debauchery (drinks optional if you like).

    But as we all know, the cost for parties, is not just the entry fee. It includes the wardrobe to match each event, especially if they are themed. A good paycheck melts like butter in hot sun in the midst of party season, and it can get out of hand if you’re seeking the next high every night.

    If you must go to a few, have a strategy and make it work. Be warned however, parties sometimes, just pop-up and before you know it, you’re caught in the frenzy of trying to look the part.

    Impress Family

    Family ‘get-togethers’ during Christmas are inevitable for many of us. This means, renewing life rivalries with that cousin who seems to have it all: the job, the money, the car, the house.

    How do you match up?

    Blowing your hard earned funds on ‘things’ solely to impress family members, in an effort to make a good impression is a definite No No.

    So yes, it is quite noble for you to want to buy that new SMART TV for your mom for Christmas. And I know she would appreciate the fact that it’s 40 inches. But be honest with yourself, the only reason you’re buying it is to impress your aunts and cousins, not to mention your other siblings. Because, you know darned well your mom can barely use a touch screen phone.

    Christmas is the season of being EXTRA but if doing the most means being broke on December 29 then you’re probably doing it wrong.

    Keep it Locked

    salary

    Christmas is fun, the excitement is all around but here is the good news – you can enjoy it without making yourself broke before year’s end. What’s more, with all the distraction that the month of December brings, it’s sometimes easy for us to get lost in the shuffle and forget our priorities. Stay focused.

    Let me know if you have any other Christmas spending No No’s.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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