Kevin O'Bryan

Tag: live and learn

  • When Life Gives you Limes…

    When Life Gives you Limes…

    By a certain age we all eventually realize that life is a cycle of actions, reactions and consequences. It also becomes crystal clear that there will be moments when we are on top of a mountain, taking in the fresh air and enjoying the fantastic view. Other times, we’re stuck deep inside a ravine, strapped inside the badly damaged SUV we call our lives.

    It isn’t always cute or pain-free but we soldier through because, it’s worth it!

    Thankfully, through these repeated hills and valleys, high and lows, we humans have developed effective and sometimes unhealthy coping mechanisms that help us to deal with trauma and general shocks.

    Corona Time

    The world is collectively going through one of those shocks at this very moment of my writing this piece. COVID-19  is ravaging sections of the world and has caused levels of upheaval in normal, modern life, only seen during the worst natural disasters and in the previous century, during a World War.

    Through it all one of the most consistent elements of the unfolding crisis has been the flow of information from every possible source. From the constant stream of consciousness that is Twitter, to cable news channels, press conferences, and just people generally spreading misinformation and conspiracies via whatsapp (never gets old!).

    I have been particularly intrigued by the dual role authorities have to play in dealing with such a crisis. Sharing pertinent information to citizens of the country while remaining calm, and reassuring everyone that everything will be, ok?

    Crisis Best Practice

    I want to believe that every student of public relations or communications, such as myself have at least come across the seminal case of the Tylenol Poisoning spree of 1982. The unsolved case, which unfolded with the death of 7 people, saw bottles of Tylenol pain killer being laced with cyanide, placed on store shelves and sold to unsuspecting customers. In it’s aftermath, major changes were made to how over-the-counter drugs were packaged, labelled and handled.

    The case became a masterclass in best practice for Public Relations however, due to the immediacy and forthrightness of the response from the leadership of Johnson & Johnson, the parent company of the brand.

    I immediately saw the hallmarks of that case and juxtaposed them with how the current pandemic is being handled.

    Fact is some officials/countries have been doing well and others… not so much. Somewhere in the middle of it all I have been able to see how even these big decisions can be useful to my own life. When it comes to crisis management, dealing with it is no different when you are a country, a large company or a person.

    My insights…

    Be honest … the first time

     

    Your life is a mess, you are in too much debt, your relationship isn’t working out and even worse, you hate your job. One way to deal with these crises is to completely ignore them or choose to be consoled by false facts. Whatever the excuse, if it prevents you from reaching the correct conclusion about your life and circumstance, it won’t help you.

    The moment you start telling the truth about your crises to yourself (and probably your therapist) you will be closer to your breakthrough. The resolution to every major crisis begins with openness and honesty, the first time. Everything else is a non-starter. It’s also important to ensure that your stakeholder(s) are  aware of the crisis. Those closest to you, who you consider dearer than just family may be those important parts of your support system who will be there for you during that crisis. Their support and confidence can be lifesaving.

    Know the problem

     

    Struggles come in all shapes and sizes, it helps if you can identify the one that is affecting your life so that you can address it with urgency. At the level of a large organisation, it will be necessary to ascertain what the crisis is, its root cause and gather as much details as possible about its depth and ramifications. Only by fully understanding the issue, can you be able to even begin to address it.

     Think Solutions

     

    If you’re focusing on the solutions, then maybe, just maybe, you will have less attention to spare for the crisis at hand. Attention a.k.a. ‘worry’ saps your energy and is not useful. Being solution-oriented during a crisis is pivotal, especially as it helps to refocus your energies towards identifying a positive outcome.  Finding a solution to the main problem, putting it into action and arriving at a resolution in the quickest possible time can be the difference between a short term hiccup and long term, permanent damage to reputation and bottom line.

    Chaos is a Ladder

     

    It may seem rather Machiavellian, but consider this – there are people living through this troubled time in history and even now, they are finding opportunities that will serve their lives well, when it is over. In fact it was Machiavelli who said “Never waste the opportunity offered by a good crisis.”

    As scary as the crisis and emergency may be, steal yourself a moment to consider and identify new avenues for exploration. It could be directly related to the problem at hand, or another solution that emerges. At the more granular and personal level, there are  things we ignore in the normal cut and thrust of life, that we should pay more attention to, during a crisis. For example, it was during the Great Plague of London between 1665 and 1666 that Sir Isaac Newton was able to produce the foundation of some of his greatest work.

     Lessons Learned

     

    Finally, know that the reckoning for every crisis will come and during that period it will be necessary to consider the lessons learned. One of the greatest failures we make from crises of all kind is to ignore the important lessons. Noting things that went wrong and how these could’ve been prevented, helps greatly. The old adage about learning from mistakes in order to not repeat them is true. Note them, write them down, record them and take corrective actions for the future. This is the only fool proof way of moving on from a crisis for the better, otherwise it would have all been for naught. The world will learn a lot from the current global crisis and the changes to come will likely alter the course of human existence for a long time.

    We are currently in crisis mode but that will end, eventually and if we’re lucky enough to make it out un-phased we will have stories to tell and lessons to learn. In the meantime, make that lemonade and have your fill.

    crisis

    Let me know in the comments how you handle crises.
    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake Up!

    I woke up one morning and it was the end of 2019 and for the first time in years, I chose not to ring in the new year at a party or event. Instead, I went to bed for a change.

    The year of clear (er) vision, 2020, has been an interesting one so far. I fully counted January as December 2.0 because for me, it was an opportunity to tie up loose ends of the year past. It was in that process that I was able to set some clear goals for the rest of the year and immediately start acting on them.

    I also spent some time looking at the goals I had set for myself in 2019 and for a quick second I was caught up in the idea of how I failed at accomplishing some of those only to realize that on the other side of failure is an opportunity for growth.

    For example, I didn’t complete my must read list of books from last year – boo hoo – but I did make an admirable dent in it. It also seemed that for every deliberate thing that I had set out to do and not fully accomplish, I was able to focus on something else and begin working on that, such as finally opening that stock market account.

    It can be testing telling yourself every day that – ‘I am enough’ – when the world constantly questions that.

    Am I really?

    For real?

    Are you ok?

    And that’s why sometimes I have to sit and really ask myself “Are you ok?”

    That self check-in has given me space to come to terms with how I am really feeling because if it’s one thing I know, not many people are genuinely asking me if I’m ok. For those that do, it is usually heartfelt and a real question, which I appreciate.

    In the new year, I’ve set new goals and I am extremely excited about the challenges and plans I have in store. Specifically, all the new things I am going to learn and put into action. For example, after a little over two years teaching, it’s refreshing being a student again and able to dive into the unknown.

    We’re now almost three months into 2020 and I have a pretty good road map for how I want to make this revolution around the sun a winner for myself in all aspects.

    Taking Care of Me

    There are so many ways I have committed to taking care of myself in the past but one of the primary ways has always been to indulge in whatever my heart desires (mostly), while my pocket could afford. That has proven to be a double edged sword and I now realize more than ever that taking care of myself is more than just a self-care regimen of a good face mask and a pedicure. It also includes conscientiously doing things that won’t cause me unnecessary regret later (hey bad debt). To really take care of myself, means not sabotaging my future with immediate satisfaction that will cost something important in the future, such as my health, wealth, sustenance or sanity. That being said, working on it!

    Focus on solutions

    There is ALOT of stuff that goes wrong every day that risks bogging me down inside my head:

    “Am I being a good friend? Am I being a good son, Am I doing my job well enough?”

    But I’ve taken to focusing on solutions when most of these questions pop up, because in almost every scenario, there is a solution to addressing these internal rumblings. And it usually surrounds choosing the affirmative and moving from there. So where the answer to any of those questions is – “No” the answer is – “I will do better today”. It also means clearing space in my mind and environment for the good to flourish. Good Vibes really make a big difference.

    Keep Moving

    As a follow on to being solutions oriented, it is important to just keep moving. You never get through anything if you don’t continue to move! So just keep going. If it means smelling the roses for a few and taking a breath, do it. What I have learned is that regardless of what I am dealing with, forward motion always takes me into the next chapter, no matter how difficult. Beyond the metaphoric though, I want to keep moving physically as well. I’ve come to realize how important being physical is to my mental and overall health, especially when I was not able to, so now more than ever I’m on a mission to get it done.

    Learning Never Ends

    One of the promises I made to myself this year was to learn as many new things as I could, specifically, things I’ve always wanted to know. And I am pursuing this all for the sake of gaining new knowledge. I have begun and it has been truly rewarding and fulfilling. My mind has opened up to so many new concepts and world’s that I could’ve never imagined before. It also extends to my ability to adapt to the new knowledge and manifesting it in my life. I am able.

    Baked into all of this is a renewed commitment to consistency, something that I have always struggled with (for certain things). I’m awake and I am ready to get it done!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • Conquering your Fear of Public Speaking

    Conquering your Fear of Public Speaking

    If you’ve been a reader of this blog for some time, or if you know me, you would have picked up that I am a Toastmaster and a fan of public speaking.

    Working in communications, specifically radio, gave me practice using my voice, but joining the professional organisation known as Toastmasters International helped me to refine my presentation skills, even more.

    I recently had the opportunity to share some of my personal insights on public speaking on the Creatives on Fire podcast with Nadine Tomlinson – you can listen here.

    We had a fun conversation about public speaking, and I sought to address how persons can better embrace instead of fear these opportunities whenever they arise.

    Listening back to the conversation I realized that there are a few takeaways that have helped me immensely over the years.

    Where it all Began

    I can distinctly remember the first time I realized that just because I am articulate on the radio it didn’t automatically make me a good public speaker.

    It was during a public speaking workshop no less, where participants were being taken through the paces of sharing stories at the lectern. We were all tasked with preparing a brief speech about something of interest to us (if memory serves). I prepared something on paper and was mostly clear on how I was going to present it, however before we presented, our trainers provided insight on public speaking best practice.

    I had my draft speech all wrong and wanted to make changes to ‘improve it’.

    Well, I made my changes as best I could, however I had little to no time to really familiarize myself with the narrative.

    I went up to the lectern and I was completely stumped!

    What made this even worse was the fact that those who went before me were just about flawless in their presentations and even received commendations but I sunk like a deflated balloon.

    Nightmare!

    I experienced the deadliest cocktail of dread any person who fears public speaking could ever undergo:

    • Standing at a microphone facing a large group of people
    • I wasn’t sure of my material
    • Followed speakers who were really good
    • Embarrassed and blubbering

    That feeling of standing before an expectant audience, knowing that you are doomed but looking back at the blank faces because you know that they do not want to be in your position and they cannot offer any help.

    It was a public speaking disaster.  I took it in stride and promised to learn from that experience.

    When I was invited to join Toastmasters I was mentally prepared for the journey because I had experienced the worst public speaking fail and lived through it. No way was I going to shrink from an opportunity to do better and be great.

    On the journey as a Toastmaster I’ve learned three important things that I touched on in the podcast that I can speak about more here.

    Fear public speaking? You are not Alone

    If you’re like me, there was a time when the thought of getting up and addressing an audience of more than one person scared you to death. There’s a name for that -Glossophobia or fear of public speaking and it is more common than most of us believe. Appreciating that other people share this fear, I think, is the first step in getting over it. In fact, it may be an opportunity to laugh at yourself and truly come to terms with the experience.

    Think about public speaking from the micro level – every time you utter a word to someone else, it is a form of public speaking. You measure your progression by the growing size of audiences you are comfortably able to address over time. The only way you will be able to do this, is to get practice. Start small, start with family, at family gatherings, at church, in class, in your office but don’t take for granted the valuable experience you gain by simply doing it more often. Not only will you get used to public speaking over time, but there’s a high chance that you will learn and also grow.

    Power of the Pause

    I spoke a bit about this during the podcast, how pauses, strategically placed during a speech can elevate your oratorical skills. The next time you happen to hear a well known speaker address an audience, note how many times they make short pauses within the speech.

    Not only does it help them to catch a breath, the pause also engages the audience by allowing them time to think about some of what the speaker is saying. It is not a bad thing, it isn’t awkward when done correctly and as a speaker it also gives you a bit of time to gather your thoughts.

    Be Prepared 

    Finally, one of the most important aspects of public speaking we all seem to forget at some point is the ‘why’ of it all. Why are you standing before your audience and speaking? Of course the nightmare scenario of a request for impromptu speaking is always possible but even then, there is an expectation that you know something.

    In every other instance, the speaker must prepare. Read, memorise, write down, study, whatever you must do to ensure that you are familiar with your subject matter. Preparation helps you to be familiar with the topic, or even the written copy of your speech, but it’s plain common sense.

    Unfortunately, many people get intimidated because they want to be a great impromptu speaker without any experience at all. It really doesn’t work like that and only through doing, practicing, failing and learning will we ever get better at it. I really hope these insights can be useful if you are struggling with public speaking.  Let me know in the comments how you cope with public speaking jitters.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    Birthday Tings

    Today marks two important milestones, my blogs’ second year of active existence and my Birthday!!! It was no accident that my blog was launched on my birthday 2 years ago as I needed a momentous occasion to present it to the world and make it live.

    It’s been two years that have seen some major changes in my life, all for the best and thankfully, I’ve been able to chronicle it all using this space on the internets. My understanding of the blogging process has also matured and my commitment to consistency has remained intact, even if what that looks like has changed, overtime.

    I’m going to use this opportunity to do a quick rundown of some of the interesting insights and revelations I’ve made, through this blog over the past couple of years, by taking a look back at a few of the posts that for whatever reason have been memorable.

     

    Favourites to date

    birthday

    Over the past two years I’ve been fortunate to write about a lot of different topics. After all, the way my blog is set up allows me to venture across different topics across various interests. But I have two particular favourite s out of all I’ve written.

    My first ever blog post “35 Lessons in 35 years” remains one of my all-time favourite pieces I’ve written, not just because it was the first but because it also serves as a definitive statement on who I am and what I am about. I don’t think I’ve ever opened up this much to any one, much less to the public, all at once.

    My other favourite is a little blog I published in November 2017 entitled, “You can do Whatever you Like”  which I actual go back and read every now and then as a reminder that life is about doing the things that bring me joy, in whatever realm, no excuses.

     

    Stuff I Love that you probably missed

    birthday

    I’ve come to realize that I write as much for myself as I do for readers and sometimes, there are just ideas I find so hilariously intriguing I can’t help but write something about it. This was the case in August 2018, while on vacation, when I was inspired to write this sleeper of a blog “Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding”. To this day I still find the pretext funny as the situations around a wedding and possibly playing the ‘wrong’ song can go in weird places.

     

    Biggest Surprise

    birthday

    Probably the biggest surprise in the past two years of writing has been the response to two pieces I wrote about my experience selling my old car and buying a new one in Jamaica. The series is entitled “Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica” parts 1  and 2.

    The articles consistently turn up in searches in google and drives traffic to the site, so it is clear that people are buying and selling cars and now have a resource to get more information. That makes me happy, because the reason I wrote the blogs was because I couldn’t find any information about the process.

    Statement Piece

    birth

    Because I can write about whatever I want, boldness is expected as a standard and there are a lot of avenues I could take to be bold. But I responded to a call to highlight ‘the gay agenda’ that was launched by J-Flag in February 2018. The blog entitled “Bridging the Gap: The Real Agenda” allowed me to simplify and present in my own way the perspective of LGBT Jamaica.

    What connected

    birth

    I guess we can all use some encouragement when it comes to our spending habits, specifically around Christmas time. That’s the only explanation I have for how people responded to the blog post published in December 2017 entitled “4 things you should NOT do with your December salary/bonus”.  Readers flocked to the piece which I consider tongue-in-cheek but with a few nuggets of wisdom and I appreciate that.

    As I celebrate my birthday, another trek around the sun, I’m supremely thankful for life and all the opportunities that come with it. I’ve taken this quick look back as I continue to chart my way forward. Thank you for being part of the journey, for reading, commenting, sharing and enjoying. It means a lot.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    I have this unwritten rule when it comes to my relationships – personal, professional or otherwise:

    “The more often that someone has to tell me ‘sorry’ is the more I have to consider the merit of our relationship.”

    Experience and history has taught me that if there’s that one person in your life who always has to be apologising for something, it may be time to let them go.

    Obviously this rule isn’t absolute and I’m quite sensitive to nuance, however I am guided by this principle when it comes to people’s behaviour.

    I learned this lesson from my last serious relationship, a LONG time ago… You’re with someone who after a while needs to constantly be reassuring and apologising to you for some malfeasance, then it may be time to take a serious look at what’s really going on.

    The thing is it may not even be about the person. That person may for all intents and purposes be doing their best, within the scope of what their ‘best’ is.

    Regardless, even at your worst, their best may not be simpatico with what you need in your life.

    Password: sorry

    Professionally, the same applies. If someone is constantly messing up, to the point where they are always apologising, over time, I become less invested in that association or its credibility. It’s about trust and reliability.

    My problem with it is persons use the word sorry as a password that is loaded with expectation. Some of the common expectations are:

    “You should forget about what I did”

    “It should never ever be mentioned”

    “We should act like it never happened”

    “It’s not reasonable for you to expect this to be a lesson”

    “I’m sorry but please don’t remind me why I should do better”

    Some people will say sorry grudgingly but really don’t mean it. They only utter the word because they realize that it is the socially acceptable salve for whatever, circumstance they may have caused to occur.

    And worse still are the offenders who should apologise but never do.

    Most annoying are the persons who are willing to say sorry, over and over again, while repeating the same infraction, over and over again.

    Showing UP

    The Jamaican saying is ‘take sleep mark death’ and I take that to heart when it comes to people’s consistency.

    At the end of the day, it is about how people show up in our lives. Showing up is a term I’ve become more familiar with as I get older. It has taken on added importance, because once you’re out of school and you become an adult, people have to make a much more deliberate effort to mean anything in your life by ‘Showing Up’.

    How many times have you had that good ‘work’ friend and the moment you leave or they leave that place of employment the ‘friendship’ dies?

    The things they do and say to make their presence known in your life, are important. If that continues to be problematic, then gird your loins.

    This whole thing about showing up I’ve come to realize is also important because the people who are consistent, supportive, unwavering and real, tend to be the ones I value.

    It’s the process of knowing and appreciating these people that allows me to let those who don’t show up fall by the wayside.

    It’s all connected.

    Forgiveness

    I’m still learning to navigate forgiveness and I have grown and gotten better at managing expectations of people. Maturity has afforded me more insight on how to deal with people. I now know that it is possible to forgive but own the fact that the person is not going to hold the same place in my life.

    That is absolutely ok, if the situation necessitates it.

    Too often, in the name of forgiveness and maturity, we are forced to play the role of ‘forgive and forget’ and act like it didn’t happen.

    Accepting the imperfections of being human, I get. People won’t get it right all the time, and that’s fine. However there’s a line that needs to be drawn in the sand when you realize that people just aren’t trying anymore.

    Honesty and Communication

    You know, as hard as it may be, all this ‘saying sorry’ can largely be prevented if people choose to be open communicators and commit to honesty. It sounds simple but I realize it’s difficult, because honesty is not as easy as those “Say it with your chest” tweets would have us all believe.

    It’s uncomfortable being honest all the time, because it usually means that someone else’s feelings may get hurt. On the flip side, being honest guarantees that persons are always aware of where you are.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Corporate work life: How to Thrive and Survive

    Corporate work life: How to Thrive and Survive

    Corporate Russian Roulette

    There are days when I go to work and before 10 am, I am fully ready to hand in my resignation and just say ‘Screw it All!’

    Yes, this is real life.

    It’s the life some of us live.

    We are not supposed to verbalise these feelings, in fact, you’re not supposed to talk about how much you hate certain aspects of corporate work life until you become one of those stories of people who have quit and hopefully able to brag that you’re ‘living your best life’

    So, what do you do instead?

    You remain, grateful, continue to do your best work, take care of your mental health and survive. There are a slew of things that we can all do to ensure that we survive and make the most of what working in a large organisation has to offer.

    After all, it’s not all doom and gloom and in fairness, the good days far outweigh the dark clouds of a bad day.

    There are some strategies that I have learned to employ to help me make the best of every moment and keep focused on being productive, accountable, alive and thriving.

    Walk with me.

     Reading is a gift that will keep on giving

                     

    If you are a reader, know that it is a gift that will serve you well in the corporate world, why? Because many people, working at whatever level of the corporate ladder, simply refuse to contend with anything that requires reading. They simply consider it bothersome and you see the results of this in email arguments that take place daily in companies everywhere. Now, with everyone else not reading, being able to spot details is something that adds value, because with less people reading, it means, more folks missing nuance and important details.

    Email follow-ups are key

    Sometime ago I wrote about email etiquette for the workplace here and it was an opportunity for me to delve into email habits that can serve us well.

    If it’s one thing James Comey’s book –  taught me, it was the importance of contemporaneous notes following meetings. What Comey did was brilliant. As a practice, he would routinely prepare memos following meetings to ensure a record of whatever the exchange was, existed. If you are familiar with his story, you know how well those memos served him, when it became necessary to sharing his story.

    In the corporate world, it’s no different, just a bit less intense. What I have found to work is preparing an email immediately following any meeting and sharing it with all participants, documenting the specific discussions and action points. I refuse to call this email meeting minutes, as I have learned that ‘meeting minutes’ – imbued with all the formality and need to record every small detail – often takes at least two days to be prepared and dispatched. This is the heights of inefficiency and is simply a time waster.

    The key thing about this practice is that it prevents others from changing the narrative of the meeting to fit what they need. Plus it keeps you and everybody else in the meeting accountable and ensures that everyone is on the same page. Reality is, some of your co-workers don’t respond well to tasks that aren’t written down, even if you’ve met about it.

    Observe patterns of behaviour

    We all have that co-worker who is so caught up doing their ‘work’ and they have no clue what is going on around them. Don’t be that guy.

    Make it your business to know how every move adds up, or not.

    While this is not a call for you to become the village voice for your place of work, it does you no good if you are unaware of what is happening in your company. Observing the corporate culture is key to helping you order your own steps.

    Then there is the just being aware of how your fellow employees relate to you and each other. It helps if you are able to mentally profile your team members in order to better navigate the working relationship. Not only does it prevent crossed wires, but in general it allows you to focus on being productive and getting the job done.

    This is why unpredictability upsets the apple cart so much. When people either take things personally or people get too personal with what they say and how they say it, it throws the workplace into chaos.

    The more you know.

    Choose your Battles

    It takes a certain level of mental fortitude to withstand the temptation of email warriors in the workplace who are always ready to tempt you into a back and forth. Worse still, are the potentially messy phone calls that can devolve into an argument.

    I remember the first and last time I got angry enough to shout at and hang up the phone on a colleague, primarily because I felt that the person in question was being extremely rude and disrespectful. The fact that I had to apologise, wholeheartedly afterwards, annoyed me to the core. It was a waste of time getting into a tiff, over work, in the first place. I vowed to never again get so that angry that I felt the need to lose my cool and behave like that.

    Restraint is the name of the game and I have learned that the long game is the best game when it comes to certain work relationships.

    It may be cute to recount your behaviour on Twitter, but in real life, it isn’t cute or quite as fulfilling.

    Smile, wave, breath, vent as needed and carry on, because you never know who wants you to lose your cool and jump off a cliff.

    When you do have to fight, use all the tools the corporate world provides: Well worded emails and no BS telephone conversations that can call out colleagues while still keeping it 100% respectful.

    Never share your childhood nickname with your co workers

    Learn from my mistake.

    A term of endearment needn’t be scandalized by people you work with.

    So caught up was in a moment of vulnerability (read food… I was eating food) during one of those team building gatherings, to get us to open up to each other.

    I was relaxed, enjoying my meal and ready to endear myself to my team members by sharing something they didn’t know. Never occurred to me that, them not knowing was the gift, but alas.

    I revealed my childhood nickname.

    Who would’ve thought that the revelation would come back to haunt me? I felt a dread previously unknown, when co-workers started parroting this name as if it was appropriate or their place.

    How dare you so casually throw a name about that was my dearly beloved, Great Grandma’s favourite name to call me by?

    You don’t know the history, you don’t know what it means? But you think it’s cool?

    Ha.

    It get’s worse

    To add insult to injury, a particular individual, who I wasn’t fond of decided that it was their prerogative to drop my nickname in at the most inappropriate and unnecessary times, At WORK.

    A term of endearment needn’t be scandalized by people you work with. It’s one thing if my co-worker, who I’m close with, uses it. I’m good with that. What pisses me is the assumed kinship some people have by referring to me by a name that’s not for their use.

    So, aside from my own sensitivity to being called by anything but my given name, it is clear that some ‘co-workers’ have no boundaries.

    Take my advice and don’t give them a chance to ‘Run wid it’.

    What are some of things that you are doing to make it in this Corporate Life? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Moving out and Up

    Moving out and Up

    Just over a year ago I made a big step and finally moved out of my childhood home. I alluded to that change here but only now have I been able to fully digest how significant the move was.

    It is one of the best things I have ever done and continues to teach me new things about myself that living ‘at home’ could never.

    The simple act of moving out also caused seismic shifts in my life in other ways because it dramatically changed the way certain people related to me, some for the better and others for worse.

    Love Matters

    Probably the biggest benefit I have experienced so far, has been a renewal of my relationship with my Mom. Living away from her, has made me more aware of her mortality, in a way that I wasn’t before.

    I used to see my mother everyday while I was still at home but in reality, we rarely spoke, because I made it a point of duty to reside in my own little world, consumed by my own interests.

    Now, everything is different because, when I realized that I won’t be seeing her everyday it became urgent that I at least speak with her as often as I could. No week goes by that I don’t see her and even more than before, we have built-in time that we spend going out and doing things together. That, I can treasure because the degree of separation let me know that valuing her now is more important than ever.

    Designing Reality

    Who knew that designing your own space could be so exciting? Over the past year, I’ve been able to curate a collection of items that match my own taste, temperament and comfort level. Just having that level of control has been a joy in itself and it is true what they say, about pushing your own key.

    ‘Adulting’ is even more profound now, when I realize that I am truly responsible for taking care of myself. The ability to do it well is a privilege and responsibility I cherish. Even in the midst of acquiring, I’m also learning to be minimalist, removing clutter and focusing on the things that matter most.

    Make Space

    So now that I’m on my own, I have to be mindful of the temptation to just chill and enjoy my own company all the time. I have to push myself to carve out time and activities that take me beyond the four walls of my abode. For some reason, it’s kinda difficult. I’m never lonely, so I really have to drum up the urge to get up and out of my space and do things. I’m getting a better grip of this, but for a while, I felt almost like a hermit. I joked with a friend, when I initially moved that I was nesting, but having nested I’m now more comfortable planning activities and just taking on the road with my friends. Stepping out of my literal comfort zone is as much for entertainment as it is for survival and when I don’t want to step out, I host.

    In My Zone

    The one thing you become acutely aware of when you live alone is yourself. It’s inevitable, because you will be spending a good amount of time on your own. If I was never comfortable really being alone before, then spending the past year living solo has fully converted me. The most invaluable insight though has been an appreciation of not just my own company but coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the day you are responsible for yourself. Surviving and thriving is up to you as an adult, and while there are those who love and support you, it’s your responsibility. Recognising and coming to terms with my own independence has been empowering and continues to push me forward.

    I’m happy that I had good practice taking care of myself otherwise this would’ve been a much longer post.

    How are you making the most of your ‘alone ‘time? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    I have been adrift.

    Somewhat overwhelmed by work, some aspects of life and just the cut and thrust of existing.

    There’s a fix however, that most of us have access to, if we are full time employed: Vacation days! So I decided to take some.

    Even before my vacation time had come, I made a decision quite early that I would temporarily deactivate my Instagram account.

    In my last blog post I mentioned how much of a time suck it is for me. I ended up deactivating a week before going on vacation and the expected FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) never materialized. I ended up remaining off instagram for a little over 4 weeks.

    For the Love

    It’s sometimes hard for me to adequately convey how I feel about the platform. What I know for sure, is that it can devour my time, and some content can be triggering. It doesn’t help that my work revolves around social media, so I usually have need to use the platform more often than not.

    Just to be clear, I LOVE social media.

    It’s through social media that I have been able to make meaningful and lasting connections with people who, with my otherwise introverted self, I would not have had access to. Additionally, it satisfies my insatiable need for information and with a carefully curated list of sources, I’m pretty content with what I am able to access and digest.

    There is however another side to social media that I find tiring – the performance of it all!

    Tiring as opposed to problematic, because I don’t believe that taking and sharing a picture to tell a story about something exciting happening in my life is a problem. I do find tiring, this seeming innate and pathological need to convince the world that ‘I AM OK’.

    Now this is me, I’m not even sure this is what other people feel, but I got to this point where I felt like every post needed to be a visual representation of the fact that, I’m alive, I’m thriving and having the best time of my life. That shit gets tired.

    This is not on Instagram, it’s on me.

    The smiles are never forced, and for the most part I have more good days than bad, but I started questioning this ‘obligation’ to let the world know what and when those were.

    Making it Real

    Over the past couple of years, I’ve actually started to be much more deliberate about what I decide to post on social media, and what aspects of my life I share. But unlike ‘influencers’ and Instagram famous people, who curate their timelines for aesthetics, I simply wanted to keep some things sacred.

    So in a way, I’ve flipped it. Things that I used to feel that I needed to share to allow others to know what’s going on in my life, I feel a bit more protective of, now.

    I threw off what felt almost like a chore and chose to just live and enjoy moments.

    This article written by New York Times tech columnist, Kevin Roose, brought me some eye opening perspective on phone use and how disruptive it can be if left unchecked.

    He untethered from his phone for 30 days, which allowed him to pick up new hobbies, and resulted in him reducing the amount of time he spent using his device.

    My own experience, though much less intense, allowed me to make some important observations. The most revealing, was just how little I know about the lives of my friends and former close acquaintances, even though we are connected via social media.

    Connect (ed)

    Sadly, the invasiveness of social media fools us into believing that we are plugged into the lives of our loved ones… So we know that our friend from high school is getting married, having a baby and just got a promotion.

    But social media is just a balcony with a view.

    In fact I’ll go further and say, social media access to the lives of our friends is merely a pair of binoculars. You can see everything in detail, from miles away, but you’re not really there, involved and participating.

    Being a spectator in the lives of our friends, through social media, is not the same as being involved. I came to this realization, when I didn’t have the same access to some people’s lives, without IG. It became clear, that while we are connected we aren’t truly connecting.

    Just because I have a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean that we are even having regular conversations.

    There are people I have known, who passed away and the last memory I have of connecting with them, was a photo they posted, that I liked.

    Not a call, not an in-person meet up, not even a conversation, just an ephemeral interaction on social media.

    I had to ask myself – “Was that meaningful enough?”

    It isn’t.

    Spark Joy

    Some of us (myself included) may take for granted the people in our lives because, we have virtual access to them on social media but what you see is not always the real deal.

    Because we all have that need to convince the world that we’re doing ok, based on what we post on our social media, it’s not good enough to just keep track.

    I now pursue more meaningful connections with my friends and some other acquaintances, off social media and work to be more present, in general.

    I’m also happy to report that taking a little time away from Instagram had another interesting side effect. I use the platform way less than before, now that I have returned.

    Previously, I depended on the in-app timer to alert me when I reached my 1 hour usage limit for the day. Now, I’m not even being alerted because I spend so few minutes of my day browsing.

    I feel a bit more conscious of the presence of my loved ones and I can truly treasure their presence. Even better, I’m more interested in their lives. This is what being social is truly about for me.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 2)

    Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 2)

    The Journey continues

    In my previous post I led you through the forest that is prepping and getting your motor vehicle sold. I still have more to share on that score as the process can be complicated if you are not sure about the steps to take when actually making the transition.

    For one thing, educating yourself about the process is key, especially as it relates to the requirements for transferring the vehicle as well as how you decide to free the vehicle from your lender (if necessary).

    The first thing I was reminded of was the fact that there was a lien on my car because of the car loan I had on the vehicle. I still owed money on the vehicle from my lender, so that needed to be cleared BEFORE the car could be transferred.

    Now let me explain an important, non-negotiable aspect of the buyer-seller relationship (which I learned in hindsight). Once you have identified a buyer, it is highly recommended that they pay you a deposit. In fact, if the buyer is really serious they will be willing to pay a deposit, and if not unfeasible, enough to cover the cost of the lien on the vehicle.

    This helps in two ways, namely it ensures that you are not wasting your time, making a commitment to someone who does not intend to purchase your vehicle and also saves time by clearing the lien from your lender (in case this applies). Many persons choose to sell their vehicle after they’ve completed paying off the loan, so the lien requirement may not be an issue, nevertheless the deposit remains important.

    Clear the Way

    Once the lien is paid off from your lender, you will receive paperwork, which includes the motor vehicle certificate of title, to take to both the insurance company as well as the tax office.

    Clear the lien with the insurance company and you’ll be good to go to the tax office where you will need to take the document showing that you have cleared the lien, the vehicle title and registration documents.

    The motor vehicle transfer process is pretty simple. The seller will need to get the title stamped at the tax office before handover to the buyer. The traditional story about this process is that both buyer and seller visit the tax office at the same time. This is not necessary as the seller can begin the transfer process alone and simply hand over the documents to the buyer.

    Once the title is stamped and handed over to the buyer, they are now free to start the process of registering the motor vehicle in their name and get their own registration plates and return the ones you own. Some insurance companies also require the certificate of fitness before providing insurance coverage.

    motor

    Close the Deal

    Before even getting to this stage, handing over copies of vehicle registration information to the buyer will be necessary, specifically if they need to acquire a loan to complete the transaction.

    As the seller you will need to provide a pro-forma invoice and if the vehicle is imported, import and sale documents.

    Once the buyer has possession of the vehicle, it’s time for you to cancel your own insurance to close out the deal. Transaction now complete you can now move on with your life, until of course, it’s time to do it again.

    I found that the process is made easier if both parties are fully educated about the process. Both buyer and seller must be empowered and proactive in this regard in order to prevent unnecessary headaches.

    So, did I miss anything?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 1)

    Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 1)

    The Beginning

    I recently completed what I consider one of the second most testing processes I have ever had to endure: selling my car in Jamaica. Other people may have had varying experiences with this and I acknowledge those. For a number of reasons the process was tedious, testing and downright annoying. What didn’t make the process easier was the lack of valuable information that could clarify the whole process for the novice seller or buyer.

    Tax Administration Jamaica  has made a valiant attempt to provide some basic information on the steps necessary when completing a motor vehicle transaction, but in my opinion, it is lacking. What’s even more confusing is the fact that depending on the person you speak with when you call tax admin, you may receive contradictory information about the process.

    So, where does it all begin?

    Let’s talk a bit about my process when selling.

    I bought my first car, 4 years ago, in what at the time appeared to be a very smooth and straight forward process. I, the needy pedestrian wanted to purchase a car that was dependable, inexpensive and a good buy. After visiting a few car marts and doing research online, I found MY car and started the process.

    Fast forward to four years later and I was now ready to sell it and also come face to face with the fact that I do not consider myself a salesman. Nope, that’s not me, however the key thing I believe I had going for me was – a good car that was well maintained and would be a great buy for anyone who really wanted it.

    Value it!

    The first thing I did when I finally decided that my car needed to go was to give it a final servicing (as scheduled) and get any external body repairs done. In my case that meant a bit of spraying to cover some scratches and dents here and there.

    One of the most important things I did came next. I decided to get my car valued by a certified valuation company. I chose this one because they seemed legit and were pretty accessible.

    A valuation is important when selling a car because it gives you a justifiable basis for your pricing and I say justifiable because, you will get tested by people who approach you about your vehicle and want you to basically give it to them, at a loss. You will get two prices: the estimated value of the car and the forced sale value.

    Armed with my valuation I now had a red line, meaning the force sale value was the amount I refused to go below in terms of my final sale price.

    Once the car was valued I decided on where I was going to advertise and immediately, I chose online platforms, because based on my own experience, that’s the first place I looked for cars, when I started shopping. I also did a few print placements to let the world know about my car. I was quite confident and gave it a nice firm offer price, with price negotiable in bold letters.

    The Response

    Two things happened after my initial ad went public – calls trickled in with expressions of interest and I started getting sales calls from guys purportedly based in Japan who were trying to sell me cars, directly shipped from there.

    What I noticed immediately about people who link you to buy your car is that not all expressions of interest are truly ‘interest’. Some people just want to call to ask you random questions about your car, or the more famous question – where is it located?

    Be warned, ignore anyone who links you wanting to “purchase a car for their wife but due to work they can only meet at night to look at it.”  Absolutely NOT, and yes that did happen and the person in question had the audacity to follow up asking – “if I’m ever available.”

    I made a point not to get attached to potential buyers and unless there was some kind of agreement, I refused to follow up.

    Anyway, after about 7 weeks on the market, I finally found a buyer for my car, who gave me the price I believe, was in line with my expectations. This was after being sassed by people I don’t know who told me they were able to get better prices from other folks, or who wanted me to shave $100k off the value, just because they called and expressed an interest. STAND YOUR GROUND.

    In part 2 I’ll tell you more about the process and  some of the more challenging aspects.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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