Tag: live and learn

We are taught to hate and fear FAILURE. It is so ingrained in our psyche to a certain degree that often times our futures and destiny are tied to our performance in major exams and other tests of skill. Just don’t fail!

I remember the pressure placed on me when I sat the common entrance in primary school, not quite as dramatic as what followed for the next generation that sat the GSAT exam but its results were pivotal enough. This catalytic examination would help to determine if the first decade of my parent’s efforts to raise and educate me was a bust or in the event that I passed, augured well for my future.

Sadly, on the day those results became public, many students had red eyes, weary from crying because they either didn’t hear their names announced or they were sent to schools which were considered an equivalent to failure.

So entrenched is our ideas around failure and the avoidance of it, that the announcement of any list touting which high school in Jamaica is ‘the best’ can cause a melt down across social media, as was recently the case when this report  by the Jamaica Education Transformation Commission was released.

Any association with it in our society and even across different cultures, basically assigns you a Scarlett letter that tells the world that you are to be avoided and rejected.

The Results

This rejection of failure, though noble has had some unintended consequences for an entire generation of people, some of whom have mastered the idea that they must go through life celebrating (rightfully so their wins) and behave as if they have never failed. Or worse still, act as if failure is impossible, making them infallible.

These people are our relatives, our lovers, our co-workers, bosses and cut across every possible line of individual you interact with on a daily basis.

I have had a difficult time dealing with colleagues who because of their rejection of the possibility that their ideas can fail or have failed, absolutely refuse to accept feedback in a meaningful and constructive way. Then there are others so gun-shy about appearing to, or actually failing, they rather cycle through ideas and concepts without doing something because they are looking for the big hit, sans failures.

It is an impossible race to a bottomless pit dealing with individuals like this who think that failure defines them forever or worse yet, that they are perfect and beyond failure.

Failure is an option

We don’t usually set out to fail when we start something new or with any endeavour we undertake. Reality is, failure can cost us a lot, both in tangible and even intangible ways that over time can take a toll.

But what if we flip the script maybe, failure should be one of the options that we pre-bake into our endeavours to sign post our journey; that jolt of reality to both re-direct and re-energise us on our journey to success.

The famous line from Game of Thrones comes to mind: “Chaos is a Ladder” and for many of us Failure is the ladder because it often pushes beyond wherever we were, to usually better circumstances or new horizons.

There are a number of reasons why I consider failure essential to eventual success and simply a crucial part of life, that try as we might, shouldn’t be feared.

Failure signifies movement

Anyone who is failing at something is also actively attempting to accomplish something and hopefully they will fail, learn, try again, maybe fail again and start over or have success based on what they have learned and applied.

Failure is never the end

Failures are deeply personal however they can serve such a powerful purpose for others. The cautionary tale has done so much for persons who while never experiencing them, have been able to make better decisions from the misadventures of others. Failing at something is never wasted, even if you are not the one to benefit from it.

Your failure is as great as its inverse success

I always take comfort in knowing that as bad as a moment of failure or rejection is, the opposite will be just as overwhelming but without the dread.

Failure is part of the progress

I say ‘the progress’ because there is no rule that states to have progress you must fail, though it could be argued. However within any effort that seeks to gain a state of perfection, there will be a bar of failure that must be overcome. The feeling of never being ‘just right’ has to be satisfied. Working through that feeling, toward the eventual goal will therefore encounter and overcome failures.

Final word

It has taken me years to work through and overcome the hold that failure has had on my psyche. Not the failure itself but the dread, embarrassment and feeling of uselessness. But interestingly enough, it was a big failure that taught me how to work through and overcome the helplessness.

In the valley of a major failing, where my life appeared to lay in ruins before me, and I was overcome with regret and shame, I was able to begin the rebuilding process. With determination and the new found realization that I was on the other side of my worst fear, nothing could stop me.

I entered the next phase of my life with a renewed sense of purpose and achieved my greatest success, up to that point, even surprising myself. To do that, I had to do things I had never done before and take on new habits and prove to myself that I could do it.

Of course, other failures happened in my life, but for the most part I could sometimes predict them based on my own self-limiting behaviour. I never gave up though, and you shouldn’t either.

Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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Kevin