Kevin O'Bryan

Tag: Jokes

  • It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    Birthday Tings

    Today marks two important milestones, my blogs’ second year of active existence and my Birthday!!! It was no accident that my blog was launched on my birthday 2 years ago as I needed a momentous occasion to present it to the world and make it live.

    It’s been two years that have seen some major changes in my life, all for the best and thankfully, I’ve been able to chronicle it all using this space on the internets. My understanding of the blogging process has also matured and my commitment to consistency has remained intact, even if what that looks like has changed, overtime.

    I’m going to use this opportunity to do a quick rundown of some of the interesting insights and revelations I’ve made, through this blog over the past couple of years, by taking a look back at a few of the posts that for whatever reason have been memorable.

     

    Favourites to date

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    Over the past two years I’ve been fortunate to write about a lot of different topics. After all, the way my blog is set up allows me to venture across different topics across various interests. But I have two particular favourite s out of all I’ve written.

    My first ever blog post “35 Lessons in 35 years” remains one of my all-time favourite pieces I’ve written, not just because it was the first but because it also serves as a definitive statement on who I am and what I am about. I don’t think I’ve ever opened up this much to any one, much less to the public, all at once.

    My other favourite is a little blog I published in November 2017 entitled, “You can do Whatever you Like”  which I actual go back and read every now and then as a reminder that life is about doing the things that bring me joy, in whatever realm, no excuses.

     

    Stuff I Love that you probably missed

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    I’ve come to realize that I write as much for myself as I do for readers and sometimes, there are just ideas I find so hilariously intriguing I can’t help but write something about it. This was the case in August 2018, while on vacation, when I was inspired to write this sleeper of a blog “Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding”. To this day I still find the pretext funny as the situations around a wedding and possibly playing the ‘wrong’ song can go in weird places.

     

    Biggest Surprise

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    Probably the biggest surprise in the past two years of writing has been the response to two pieces I wrote about my experience selling my old car and buying a new one in Jamaica. The series is entitled “Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica” parts 1  and 2.

    The articles consistently turn up in searches in google and drives traffic to the site, so it is clear that people are buying and selling cars and now have a resource to get more information. That makes me happy, because the reason I wrote the blogs was because I couldn’t find any information about the process.

    Statement Piece

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    Because I can write about whatever I want, boldness is expected as a standard and there are a lot of avenues I could take to be bold. But I responded to a call to highlight ‘the gay agenda’ that was launched by J-Flag in February 2018. The blog entitled “Bridging the Gap: The Real Agenda” allowed me to simplify and present in my own way the perspective of LGBT Jamaica.

    What connected

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    I guess we can all use some encouragement when it comes to our spending habits, specifically around Christmas time. That’s the only explanation I have for how people responded to the blog post published in December 2017 entitled “4 things you should NOT do with your December salary/bonus”.  Readers flocked to the piece which I consider tongue-in-cheek but with a few nuggets of wisdom and I appreciate that.

    As I celebrate my birthday, another trek around the sun, I’m supremely thankful for life and all the opportunities that come with it. I’ve taken this quick look back as I continue to chart my way forward. Thank you for being part of the journey, for reading, commenting, sharing and enjoying. It means a lot.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    If you know me personally, you are very aware that I love a good laugh and my sense of humour is always ready to be tickled. With that preamble there should be no surprise about the context of this blog. Different fragments of this idea have been tumbling around in my head for a while, so here goes.

    I was recently, relaxing on a beach where there happened to be a wedding underway. I was in ear shot, so I could hear the ceremony begin with the familiar strains of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March.

    Once that was over I assumed that the official part of the ceremony had begun. Soon after I heard one of my favourite Stevie Wonder tunes begin to play: ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’. I thought to myself, that’s as appropriate a song as any for the DJ to play at that exact moment.

    And after hearing that it occurred to me, suppose the DJ had chosen to play the wrong song(s) on this very special occasion?

    A wedding is such a precious memory for the happy couple but you best believe that there are a few things that can ruin it – drunken guests, exes, quarreling family members and most importantly, questionable  musical selections.

    I have jokingly considered some of the most inappropriate songs to be either played by a DJ, dedicated or used as a toast by a guest or generally be heard anywhere near a wedding ceremony. So in no particular order, here are my top 5 worst songs to play at a wedding and some alternatives, because hey, I got your back #nojoke. Be guided and thank me later.

    Wedding No No: As We Lay – Kelly Price

    I love this song!  Kelly Price’s remake of this Shirley Murdoch original was a new classic when she covered it in 2000. Beautiful arrangement and singing cannot however hide the fact that this song is about a woman pining over another woman’s husband, with whom she has previously spent the night with.

    It’s worth mentioning that a few years ago, Kelly was invited to an event organised by a church to perform some of her hits. However, due to a timing issue her performance was pushed up too close to the beginning of the church’s main convention event. Let’s just say, it made headlines, and they weren’t pretty. What’s even worse, As we Lay was one of the songs that she performed. It sounds good and could probably be perfect for an intimate dance, but not at a wedding, unless you are really trying to be super MESSY.  Save yourself the embarrassment or bruises and go with my suggested alternative: Why I Love You by MAJOR.

    Wedding No No: If Walls Could Talk – Celine Dion

    I remember the first time I encountered this song. It was in 1999 when Celine released her ‘All the Way’ album. I love it for a number of reasons such as the fact that it was produced by Robert ‘Mutt’ Lange, ex-husband of Shania Twain plus, Shania did some of the backup on the track.

    The song is sensual, perfectly arranged and sets the tone for so much romance. So no wonder it is a popular tune at strip joints and go-go clubs in Jamaica, which is funny because it was never a single, so DJs at these clubs must’ve really loved it, thus solidifying its popularity. All that being said, let’s lower the temperature at the wedding a tad bit and leave this off the playlist, at least, during the early part of the reception. Keep it safe and accessible and suggest the DJ play another Celine fave: Because you Loved me.

    Wedding No No: Ordinary People – John Legend

    Alright, weddings are deep and emotionally, they rank pretty high as life events. But is the ceremony the place to dig up all that ‘real’ drama? It is supposed to be a fantasy that will  make not only an indelible impression on guests, but give the married couple something wonderful to remember for years to come (hopefully). That said, reminding that they are ordinary people “who just need to take it slow” is NOT goals’.  Cut to the chase and make an appropriate dedication with John’s other tune: All of me. 

    I know I’m not the only one – Sam Smith

    So, my admission, I loved Sam Smith’s first album and the songs he wrote and performed so ably during that era. However, his repertoire leaves much to be desired when it comes to visions of matrimonial bliss.  Here-to-fore, it would be highly inappropriate for anyone attending a wedding or otherwise involved to either perform or dedicate this song to the happy couple. I don’t care if you love it. Sadly, it’s slim pickings from Sam, because he hasn’t quite mastered presenting stable relationships in his music just yet. That said, if you must have a Sam Smith song played, choose: Latch (Acoustic). 

     

    Ready For Love – India Arie

    India Arie has a song for every mood. For the generation who may have missed her emergence and glory days, do a youtube search for “Strength, Courage and Wisdom” (you’re welcome). She has a number of ballads and has always been able to capture some of those vulnerable aspects of relationships and love that, otherwise don’t get featured in popular music (Just check this tune).

    Now, Ready for Love would seem like a perfect complement to any wedding, however check the lyrics and you’ll realize that it speaks to a place on the journey of love that the newlyweds should be past. I would hope that I am more than ready for love on my wedding day, but maybe that’s just me. She has a beautiful alternative in this song: Can I walk with you. 

    Tell me some of your wedding song no-no’s and must haves in the comments section!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • 4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas! Festive, colourful, filled with religious symbolism and a spendthrift’s playground.

    The Christmas season always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, because I grew up spending most of them in the cool climes of Manchester, Jamaica with my great grandmother, so many years ago.

    It meant a time for gifts (if I was lucky), sorrel and my Gramma’s perfect Christmas cake! For the times I spent Christmas at home in Kingston I would join the excited throngs in Half Way Tree on Christmas Eve for Gran’ market. That meant walking around with my mom, looking for clothes or toys or anything good they had on sale.

    Only when I became an adult, did I come to fully appreciate the commercial aspect of Christmas, and how, for the most part it has become our most faithful reaction to the season that is supposed to be about good will to all men.

    December payday plus bonus pay (if you are so fortunate) is one of the most anticipated all year. Unfortunately, it is also the one with the most regrets.

    So to make this easy, I’m going to share with you four things that you shouldn’t be doing with your pay check or bonus this Christmas.

     

    Beg Fren’

    If they were not your friend throughout the year, don’t let the repetitive Christmas carols woo you into believing December is the time to change all that. The fact is Christmas is a weird season. A whole month of goodwill, giving, merriment, eating, drinking, ‘happy times’ – don’t drink too much of the spiked sorrel.

    People will wander back into your life, because for some, it’s a good time to let bygones be bygones.

    I say keep it moving and enjoy your season with the knowledge that when you’re broke on January 10, they will not be around to help you out.

    How many times have people resurfaced during Christmas, just in time for you to go out with them to a party or some other event? Being as caught up as you are, you don’t take the time to consider that maybe, I don’t want to be doing this, with this person, right now.

    But you throw caution to the wind, because, Christmas.

    Don’t do it!

    P.S. – Apply this rule to problematic members of your family as needed.

     

    Pay for that Annual Gym membership

    Ok ok… hear me out on this one. It sounds good right?

    And for some, it’s a most noble decision to join the gym and get your body ready for Carnival or whatever other goal you have in mind for 2018. But do you really believe sinking your hard earned cash into that sumptuous discounted annual gym membership fee, with your December salary is a wise choice, at Christmas?

    For those who are already committed and truly want to join the gym, then by all means put that money down.

    But if you are like many of us, who simply want to assuage our ego and trick our brain into believing that spending all that money, one time, near the beginning of a new year, will push us to actually go to the gym, THINK AGAIN!

    Don’t fool yourself. If you want to pay for a year, do it in February, when the New Year’s resolution folks have stopped going. At least by then it won’t be as full.

     

    Go to every Party

    Christmas was apparently invented as one big season of parties. In fact, the week between Christmas Eve and New Years Day, is practically party palooza everywhere. And why not? What better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than with reverie and debauchery (drinks optional if you like).

    But as we all know, the cost for parties, is not just the entry fee. It includes the wardrobe to match each event, especially if they are themed. A good paycheck melts like butter in hot sun in the midst of party season, and it can get out of hand if you’re seeking the next high every night.

    If you must go to a few, have a strategy and make it work. Be warned however, parties sometimes, just pop-up and before you know it, you’re caught in the frenzy of trying to look the part.

    Impress Family

    Family ‘get-togethers’ during Christmas are inevitable for many of us. This means, renewing life rivalries with that cousin who seems to have it all: the job, the money, the car, the house.

    How do you match up?

    Blowing your hard earned funds on ‘things’ solely to impress family members, in an effort to make a good impression is a definite No No.

    So yes, it is quite noble for you to want to buy that new SMART TV for your mom for Christmas. And I know she would appreciate the fact that it’s 40 inches. But be honest with yourself, the only reason you’re buying it is to impress your aunts and cousins, not to mention your other siblings. Because, you know darned well your mom can barely use a touch screen phone.

    Christmas is the season of being EXTRA but if doing the most means being broke on December 29 then you’re probably doing it wrong.

    Keep it Locked

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    Christmas is fun, the excitement is all around but here is the good news – you can enjoy it without making yourself broke before year’s end. What’s more, with all the distraction that the month of December brings, it’s sometimes easy for us to get lost in the shuffle and forget our priorities. Stay focused.

    Let me know if you have any other Christmas spending No No’s.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • We all have that one friend…

    We all have that one friend…

    This is not a slash and burn post.

    I am not telling you to identify and remove these people from your life.

    Acknowledging that the following people are in your life doesn’t mean that your life is toxic or that they are bad people.

    Instead consider this an exercise to give you insight into the different spirits that you contend with in different spheres of your life.

    Knowing who they are is half the battle.

    I have matured enough in my own personal journey to distinguish between who people are, and who I want them to be. It is the most freeing thing to know who your friends are and love them regardless.

    I made full disclosure about the imaginary ones here, so they won’t be featured, but let me know if these people exist in your life.

    The “I Can’t Live without Love” Friend

    How many times have you wondered to yourself “Why doesn’t ……….. take a break from relationships and dating and just chill?”

    You do this because this friend is always either heading into a situation or dealing with the aftermath of one. It seems like, if they are not in a relationship, they don’t feel whole. In fact, their existence and adulthood is defined by their dating status. Being single is NEVER an option because that would most certainly mean they have leprosy. They are often the biggest ‘Askholes’ in your life. Always asking for advise or counsel but never really paying it any mind, because… Love.

    They will either be an over sharer or a Harry Houdini when it comes to their relationships. So you can expect long conversations about their relationships when they’re in it, or you just don’t hear from them much at all.

    The “See you next year” Friend

    Every Christmas or carnival season, I can expect to either rekindle or be reintroduced to some acquaintances. These are the seasonal friends. Y’all don’t have any issues or nothing, but you just don’t talk much, except when you see each other at particular times during the year.

    There’s no need to take them too serious because you know that promises of “see you later” and “we’ll link” mean nada. These may also be the acquaintances who forget that you were ‘cool’ after all, but even that realization won’t change their seasonal status.

    If you’re deliberate about it, you can make that seasonal thing a tradition and link with them for special events only.

     The “Drama becomes me” Friend

    There are levels and then there are these people. Drama seems to define their existence, one dramatic, life changing thing to another. If the boy who cried wolf had a cousin who lived two villages over and cried Coyote, this friend would be that cousin. They are either caught up in some complex people situation of their own, or are party to someone else’s ‘shituation’.

    It may not help that they are really ‘troublemakers’ who may or may not be the ones to blame, more often than not. However, you don’t judge. As a friend you remain in your safe space and if it’s your thing, be entertained or just tune out.

    The “You’re my Emergency Contact” Friend

    Closely related, but not quite the same as the Drama-fied friend is this one – the perennial emergency contact. It would appear that this person has mentally listed you as their emergency contact for every single crisis in their life, be it serious or frivolous.

    Clearly, this person has never watched Forrest Gump. Life is like a box of chocolates, not grenades.  It’s simply NOT natural to jump from crisis to crisis and expect a faithful friend to contend with it all.

    To be clear, emergencies happen and any good friend would be a guiding light to a loved one in need. However, when the decision to answer a phone call is preceded by heart palpitations and nervousness, there is a problem. Unfortunately, this particular friend may never consider the toll their ‘constant crises’ have on the life of the other person. They believe, incorrectly, that their ‘normal’ is ok.

    The “I am your Cheerleader Forever” Friend

    Many people talk about having a ride or die, how about having cheerleaders? People who are always there to just show love, especially when good things are happening in your life?

    Sadly, sometimes we spend so much time contending with the other folks, these people don’t get their due. The thing is, these may not be people you speak with everyday but are people you have a genuine link with, who understand and appreciate you.

    They are proud of your accomplishments and most importantly, are always willing to let you know this.

    Big dem up!

    The “I’m a moth give me your light” Friend

    Dearly beloved, we all have a Light within us that is continuously shining, even if we don’t see it or believe that it’s there.

    When that light burns brightest, is when these people literally come out of the wood work. These are your friends and acquaintances who you know from way back when. The peeps who you may’ve worked with back in the day, school mates, or those who you were once close to.

    Then one day, out of nowhere they emerge, seemingly to rekindle the ‘buddy-ship’. These are the moths. They feed off your light and are attracted by happenings in your life. Mind you, new people are also attracted to you in this way, but the main difference is, you are more likely to suss out a new people trying to get close to you.

    Someone who’s always been there, get’s less scrutiny. Funny thing is simple occurences can cause this re-emergence of a moth person.

    A simple thing as a new social media image, a career move that’s made public or (gasp) a new relationship can get them at your feet.

    The “User” Friend

    I’m sure you’ve seen this one on numerous lists of people that you should stay away from. The reality though, is that none of us are immune to being used and taken advantage of, especially by people we consider friends.

    The factor that makes us a winner or loser is reciprocity. It’s the degree of reciprocity that makes great relationships work, and bad ones toxic. Reciprocity doesn’t have to be acknowledged. However knowing that you can do something for a friend, knowing that it would be no consequence for them to do same or greater, if necessary, makes a huge difference.

    That said, there are some people we may have within and around our ‘circles’ who are NOT about that reciprocity life. They are takers through and through and will use the cloak of ‘friendship’ to milk you dry.

    Their behaviour is so pervasive that they are unable to differentiate between friend and conquest. Your kindness, to them may be a weakness. More dangerous are the ones who have been so spoilt by life, that they are unaware that they are using you up.

    Reality Check

    You may have elements of all of these ‘people’ embodied in one person you know. God Bless them.

    Figuring out the energy that’s best for you is a wholly personal experience and something that we all may need to do at some point to check ourselves.

    I learn new things about my friends and acquaintances everyday because the reality is, people make the world go round.

    No matter how much of an introvert or misanthrope you think you are, we need people.

    All that said, know your people and love them anyway.

    Sidenote – I didn’t mention the ‘negative friend’ because, I assume by now that we would rid ourselves of people who deal solely in bad vibes.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • It was just my Imagination?

    It was just my Imagination?

    When I was growing up, I had imaginary friends.

    I became conscious of these ‘friends’ when I was about 7 and for a few years, they were a big deal in my life.

    Now, these imaginary friends were actually the colours I saw dancing behind my eyelids when my eyes were closed. One was Reddie because, Red and another was Blue.

    They provided me some solace, as I grew up in a household being the only child. But most important, my imaginary friends gave me companionship.

    I remember at some point sharing the details of my imaginary friends with my cousins, one hot summer day, down in the country. They looked at me like I had just walked off the moon. They then let me know that having imaginary friends was weird.

    I ignored them of course and carried on, but as time and life went on, my imagination grew to create more formidable imagery, through books.

    All Grown Up

    My imaginary friends were no more, until now…

    For you see, I have discovered a strain of people that are just that, imaginary friends.

    People who we willingly give the titles – friend, acquaintance, brethren, yadda yadda…

    But in reality, they are completely imaginary, inauthentic, apparitions, who are unable to truly be part of your life.

    How can they be with you or for you, when they probably want what you have or may even resent you, just for being alive?

    Social media, in all its ephemeral glory makes them even more prevalent because they’re able to participate in your life, virtually.

    How do they do this you ask?

    By quietly watching and observing your every move. Your every snap, every whatsapp status update and every post to IG and Facebook.

    Because for them, keeping tabs on your every move is their way of keeping you in-check.

    By nature, these imaginary friends may have delusions of grandeur which leads them to having a larger than life imagination that positions them as your ‘competitor’.

    Take a moment right now, and identify those people in your life, who are barely there… The not quite friends but the not quite strangers, the ones who you were cool with but the season has passed.

    Once you know who they are, cut them loose. Free your mind, free your destiny, free up your energy.

    Jamaican people have a saying about friendship – “Good fren betta dan pocket money.”

    But there is another saying that is seldom heard nowadays – “Yuh shake man han, yuh nuh shake him heart.”

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin