Kevin O'Bryan

Tag: growing up

  • Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake Up!

    I woke up one morning and it was the end of 2019 and for the first time in years, I chose not to ring in the new year at a party or event. Instead, I went to bed for a change.

    The year of clear (er) vision, 2020, has been an interesting one so far. I fully counted January as December 2.0 because for me, it was an opportunity to tie up loose ends of the year past. It was in that process that I was able to set some clear goals for the rest of the year and immediately start acting on them.

    I also spent some time looking at the goals I had set for myself in 2019 and for a quick second I was caught up in the idea of how I failed at accomplishing some of those only to realize that on the other side of failure is an opportunity for growth.

    For example, I didn’t complete my must read list of books from last year – boo hoo – but I did make an admirable dent in it. It also seemed that for every deliberate thing that I had set out to do and not fully accomplish, I was able to focus on something else and begin working on that, such as finally opening that stock market account.

    It can be testing telling yourself every day that – ‘I am enough’ – when the world constantly questions that.

    Am I really?

    For real?

    Are you ok?

    And that’s why sometimes I have to sit and really ask myself “Are you ok?”

    That self check-in has given me space to come to terms with how I am really feeling because if it’s one thing I know, not many people are genuinely asking me if I’m ok. For those that do, it is usually heartfelt and a real question, which I appreciate.

    In the new year, I’ve set new goals and I am extremely excited about the challenges and plans I have in store. Specifically, all the new things I am going to learn and put into action. For example, after a little over two years teaching, it’s refreshing being a student again and able to dive into the unknown.

    We’re now almost three months into 2020 and I have a pretty good road map for how I want to make this revolution around the sun a winner for myself in all aspects.

    Taking Care of Me

    There are so many ways I have committed to taking care of myself in the past but one of the primary ways has always been to indulge in whatever my heart desires (mostly), while my pocket could afford. That has proven to be a double edged sword and I now realize more than ever that taking care of myself is more than just a self-care regimen of a good face mask and a pedicure. It also includes conscientiously doing things that won’t cause me unnecessary regret later (hey bad debt). To really take care of myself, means not sabotaging my future with immediate satisfaction that will cost something important in the future, such as my health, wealth, sustenance or sanity. That being said, working on it!

    Focus on solutions

    There is ALOT of stuff that goes wrong every day that risks bogging me down inside my head:

    “Am I being a good friend? Am I being a good son, Am I doing my job well enough?”

    But I’ve taken to focusing on solutions when most of these questions pop up, because in almost every scenario, there is a solution to addressing these internal rumblings. And it usually surrounds choosing the affirmative and moving from there. So where the answer to any of those questions is – “No” the answer is – “I will do better today”. It also means clearing space in my mind and environment for the good to flourish. Good Vibes really make a big difference.

    Keep Moving

    As a follow on to being solutions oriented, it is important to just keep moving. You never get through anything if you don’t continue to move! So just keep going. If it means smelling the roses for a few and taking a breath, do it. What I have learned is that regardless of what I am dealing with, forward motion always takes me into the next chapter, no matter how difficult. Beyond the metaphoric though, I want to keep moving physically as well. I’ve come to realize how important being physical is to my mental and overall health, especially when I was not able to, so now more than ever I’m on a mission to get it done.

    Learning Never Ends

    One of the promises I made to myself this year was to learn as many new things as I could, specifically, things I’ve always wanted to know. And I am pursuing this all for the sake of gaining new knowledge. I have begun and it has been truly rewarding and fulfilling. My mind has opened up to so many new concepts and world’s that I could’ve never imagined before. It also extends to my ability to adapt to the new knowledge and manifesting it in my life. I am able.

    Baked into all of this is a renewed commitment to consistency, something that I have always struggled with (for certain things). I’m awake and I am ready to get it done!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    I have this unwritten rule when it comes to my relationships – personal, professional or otherwise:

    “The more often that someone has to tell me ‘sorry’ is the more I have to consider the merit of our relationship.”

    Experience and history has taught me that if there’s that one person in your life who always has to be apologising for something, it may be time to let them go.

    Obviously this rule isn’t absolute and I’m quite sensitive to nuance, however I am guided by this principle when it comes to people’s behaviour.

    I learned this lesson from my last serious relationship, a LONG time ago… You’re with someone who after a while needs to constantly be reassuring and apologising to you for some malfeasance, then it may be time to take a serious look at what’s really going on.

    The thing is it may not even be about the person. That person may for all intents and purposes be doing their best, within the scope of what their ‘best’ is.

    Regardless, even at your worst, their best may not be simpatico with what you need in your life.

    Password: sorry

    Professionally, the same applies. If someone is constantly messing up, to the point where they are always apologising, over time, I become less invested in that association or its credibility. It’s about trust and reliability.

    My problem with it is persons use the word sorry as a password that is loaded with expectation. Some of the common expectations are:

    “You should forget about what I did”

    “It should never ever be mentioned”

    “We should act like it never happened”

    “It’s not reasonable for you to expect this to be a lesson”

    “I’m sorry but please don’t remind me why I should do better”

    Some people will say sorry grudgingly but really don’t mean it. They only utter the word because they realize that it is the socially acceptable salve for whatever, circumstance they may have caused to occur.

    And worse still are the offenders who should apologise but never do.

    Most annoying are the persons who are willing to say sorry, over and over again, while repeating the same infraction, over and over again.

    Showing UP

    The Jamaican saying is ‘take sleep mark death’ and I take that to heart when it comes to people’s consistency.

    At the end of the day, it is about how people show up in our lives. Showing up is a term I’ve become more familiar with as I get older. It has taken on added importance, because once you’re out of school and you become an adult, people have to make a much more deliberate effort to mean anything in your life by ‘Showing Up’.

    How many times have you had that good ‘work’ friend and the moment you leave or they leave that place of employment the ‘friendship’ dies?

    The things they do and say to make their presence known in your life, are important. If that continues to be problematic, then gird your loins.

    This whole thing about showing up I’ve come to realize is also important because the people who are consistent, supportive, unwavering and real, tend to be the ones I value.

    It’s the process of knowing and appreciating these people that allows me to let those who don’t show up fall by the wayside.

    It’s all connected.

    Forgiveness

    I’m still learning to navigate forgiveness and I have grown and gotten better at managing expectations of people. Maturity has afforded me more insight on how to deal with people. I now know that it is possible to forgive but own the fact that the person is not going to hold the same place in my life.

    That is absolutely ok, if the situation necessitates it.

    Too often, in the name of forgiveness and maturity, we are forced to play the role of ‘forgive and forget’ and act like it didn’t happen.

    Accepting the imperfections of being human, I get. People won’t get it right all the time, and that’s fine. However there’s a line that needs to be drawn in the sand when you realize that people just aren’t trying anymore.

    Honesty and Communication

    You know, as hard as it may be, all this ‘saying sorry’ can largely be prevented if people choose to be open communicators and commit to honesty. It sounds simple but I realize it’s difficult, because honesty is not as easy as those “Say it with your chest” tweets would have us all believe.

    It’s uncomfortable being honest all the time, because it usually means that someone else’s feelings may get hurt. On the flip side, being honest guarantees that persons are always aware of where you are.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 2)

    Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 2)

    The Journey continues

    In my previous post I led you through the forest that is prepping and getting your motor vehicle sold. I still have more to share on that score as the process can be complicated if you are not sure about the steps to take when actually making the transition.

    For one thing, educating yourself about the process is key, especially as it relates to the requirements for transferring the vehicle as well as how you decide to free the vehicle from your lender (if necessary).

    The first thing I was reminded of was the fact that there was a lien on my car because of the car loan I had on the vehicle. I still owed money on the vehicle from my lender, so that needed to be cleared BEFORE the car could be transferred.

    Now let me explain an important, non-negotiable aspect of the buyer-seller relationship (which I learned in hindsight). Once you have identified a buyer, it is highly recommended that they pay you a deposit. In fact, if the buyer is really serious they will be willing to pay a deposit, and if not unfeasible, enough to cover the cost of the lien on the vehicle.

    This helps in two ways, namely it ensures that you are not wasting your time, making a commitment to someone who does not intend to purchase your vehicle and also saves time by clearing the lien from your lender (in case this applies). Many persons choose to sell their vehicle after they’ve completed paying off the loan, so the lien requirement may not be an issue, nevertheless the deposit remains important.

    Clear the Way

    Once the lien is paid off from your lender, you will receive paperwork, which includes the motor vehicle certificate of title, to take to both the insurance company as well as the tax office.

    Clear the lien with the insurance company and you’ll be good to go to the tax office where you will need to take the document showing that you have cleared the lien, the vehicle title and registration documents.

    The motor vehicle transfer process is pretty simple. The seller will need to get the title stamped at the tax office before handover to the buyer. The traditional story about this process is that both buyer and seller visit the tax office at the same time. This is not necessary as the seller can begin the transfer process alone and simply hand over the documents to the buyer.

    Once the title is stamped and handed over to the buyer, they are now free to start the process of registering the motor vehicle in their name and get their own registration plates and return the ones you own. Some insurance companies also require the certificate of fitness before providing insurance coverage.

    motor

    Close the Deal

    Before even getting to this stage, handing over copies of vehicle registration information to the buyer will be necessary, specifically if they need to acquire a loan to complete the transaction.

    As the seller you will need to provide a pro-forma invoice and if the vehicle is imported, import and sale documents.

    Once the buyer has possession of the vehicle, it’s time for you to cancel your own insurance to close out the deal. Transaction now complete you can now move on with your life, until of course, it’s time to do it again.

    I found that the process is made easier if both parties are fully educated about the process. Both buyer and seller must be empowered and proactive in this regard in order to prevent unnecessary headaches.

    So, did I miss anything?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 1)

    Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica (Part 1)

    The Beginning

    I recently completed what I consider one of the second most testing processes I have ever had to endure: selling my car in Jamaica. Other people may have had varying experiences with this and I acknowledge those. For a number of reasons the process was tedious, testing and downright annoying. What didn’t make the process easier was the lack of valuable information that could clarify the whole process for the novice seller or buyer.

    Tax Administration Jamaica  has made a valiant attempt to provide some basic information on the steps necessary when completing a motor vehicle transaction, but in my opinion, it is lacking. What’s even more confusing is the fact that depending on the person you speak with when you call tax admin, you may receive contradictory information about the process.

    So, where does it all begin?

    Let’s talk a bit about my process when selling.

    I bought my first car, 4 years ago, in what at the time appeared to be a very smooth and straight forward process. I, the needy pedestrian wanted to purchase a car that was dependable, inexpensive and a good buy. After visiting a few car marts and doing research online, I found MY car and started the process.

    Fast forward to four years later and I was now ready to sell it and also come face to face with the fact that I do not consider myself a salesman. Nope, that’s not me, however the key thing I believe I had going for me was – a good car that was well maintained and would be a great buy for anyone who really wanted it.

    Value it!

    The first thing I did when I finally decided that my car needed to go was to give it a final servicing (as scheduled) and get any external body repairs done. In my case that meant a bit of spraying to cover some scratches and dents here and there.

    One of the most important things I did came next. I decided to get my car valued by a certified valuation company. I chose this one because they seemed legit and were pretty accessible.

    A valuation is important when selling a car because it gives you a justifiable basis for your pricing and I say justifiable because, you will get tested by people who approach you about your vehicle and want you to basically give it to them, at a loss. You will get two prices: the estimated value of the car and the forced sale value.

    Armed with my valuation I now had a red line, meaning the force sale value was the amount I refused to go below in terms of my final sale price.

    Once the car was valued I decided on where I was going to advertise and immediately, I chose online platforms, because based on my own experience, that’s the first place I looked for cars, when I started shopping. I also did a few print placements to let the world know about my car. I was quite confident and gave it a nice firm offer price, with price negotiable in bold letters.

    The Response

    Two things happened after my initial ad went public – calls trickled in with expressions of interest and I started getting sales calls from guys purportedly based in Japan who were trying to sell me cars, directly shipped from there.

    What I noticed immediately about people who link you to buy your car is that not all expressions of interest are truly ‘interest’. Some people just want to call to ask you random questions about your car, or the more famous question – where is it located?

    Be warned, ignore anyone who links you wanting to “purchase a car for their wife but due to work they can only meet at night to look at it.”  Absolutely NOT, and yes that did happen and the person in question had the audacity to follow up asking – “if I’m ever available.”

    I made a point not to get attached to potential buyers and unless there was some kind of agreement, I refused to follow up.

    Anyway, after about 7 weeks on the market, I finally found a buyer for my car, who gave me the price I believe, was in line with my expectations. This was after being sassed by people I don’t know who told me they were able to get better prices from other folks, or who wanted me to shave $100k off the value, just because they called and expressed an interest. STAND YOUR GROUND.

    In part 2 I’ll tell you more about the process and  some of the more challenging aspects.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How to be a Better Person 101

    How to be a Better Person 101

    Sometimes I get all hot and bothered about how terrible people can be, in every sphere of life. It simply amazes me how selfish and garbage we are to each other, in daily life. For many of us, we get to witness the ‘joy’ that is humanity at the place we spend most of our time – work or in traffic.

    We’ve been led to believe that being a good person is as easy as putting on a happy face and saying good morning to every person you encounter in the morning.

    But real life isn’t as simple, because while, being a good person is largely self-determined, managing how we react and respond to others around us, is not quite the same.

    I have a bunch of pet peeves about how we treat each other and there are some simple things that we all can choose to do, as a personal standard, across all spheres of our lives, to be better people.

    I have my own weaknesses and I acknowledge that I am a work in progress, may this be as valuable for me as it is for you.

    Stop breaking your own heart

    How do we break our own hearts you may ask? By breaking the promises we make to ourselves, for ourselves; by not doing things that enrich our lives; by using our valuable time doing things that break us down instead of building us up. There is so much harm that we do to our own person every day. And it seems easy to disregard because it is internal but it’s important. Too often we don’t realize that the journey to being a better person for others begins with us being good to ourselves.

    Figure out Loyalty and be Loyal

    The world considers loyalty a gift that keeps on giving, in fact Confucius said “Be loyal and trustworthy. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than yourself in this regard.” But don’t assume that it’s something that you will know automatically. We all have to figure out what it means to us because, this will determine how we relate that understanding to our relationships with others.

    Talk Truth

    So easy to say, yet, seemingly so hard to do! The lies you tell to yourself, your mama, your best friend, your boss. But if you make a commitment to put a premium on being honest in your life, then it shouldn’t be a problem. This includes dealing with the consequences of telling lies. And half-truths or lying by omission technically don’t count as being truthful. We muddy the waters of our lives by being dishonest. Ripples from lies go far, even when we think there are no consequences.

    Stop wasting people’s time

    You read right. Stop wasting people’s time in all the ways that you do. If you are not interested, let them know. If you don’t want them, let them know. If they can’t fit into your life, let them know. What you shouldn’t be doing is dragging people along when you really have little or no interest in even considering them a valued part of your life.

    Be on time

    Contrary to popular belief, punctuality gives you so much power over a situation. Just imagine having a reputation that is centred on the fact that you are always on time. So for one, you will not be the person who usually waste’s people’s time, but you may even earn the label ‘dependable’.  That counts for much in certain aspects of our lives. Punctuality, just like being well dressed, is a gift that you give to others.

    Add Value

    In your every action and word, are you being a change maker? Can anyone truly say that you add value to their lives? We don’t often look at our lives in this way, but if we all consider that our time is finite, then every moment we have is currency. This currency, we get to decide how and with whom to spend. So how are you adding value with your time and energy? I try to add value to the lives of those I love and share my time with. Lately I’ve realized that I not only have something to say, but I can probably teach others a thing or two as well, my way of adding value, somehow.

    Stop Judging People…

    We make judgements about people based on so many different factors, but really is it worth it? I think I’ve matured a bit because this is something I have to deal with and manage as well. Because, my own judgement and perception of people can sometimes be self-limiting and prevents me from being open to the idiosyncrasies of different people. I’m re-learning how to deal with other people from a distant by simply observing. That’s my strategy though and it keeps me centred and less ‘judgy’.

    Take IG Breaks

    Social media is fun and a great outlet for expression but sometimes, in order to help us be our best selves, it’s a good idea to let go of its tethers. But it isn’t a bad thing to take a quick break from your social media sometimes, specifically, IG. After being force fed a curated visual representation of someone else’s life over a period of time, it’s almost inevitable that some of us will start sizing ourselves up and compare. It’s not worth it. Take a break if and whenever you need to focus on yourself and just thrive in your own aura.

    better person

    This is a not panacea or even specifically advice just my way of being less of a trash person. It takes work, but we can do it.

    What are some of the things you are doing to be a better person?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Know Thyself

    Know Thyself

    Sometime ago I was at home, having a mind muse when the thought “Know Thyself” popped into my mind. It was like fate inserted that timely reminder into my psyche to get me gathered.

    Of course, as musings go, I tweeted it out and it connected with a number of people.

    It seems we are always being reminded by life to know who we are, for ourselves. It is important and vital.

    Every day we go about our lives and typically we are in constant contact with other members of our communities – work, school, gym, family, etc.

    But what I’ve realized is that people are always trying to decide who we are, based on their perception and just how they experience us each day. It can be tempting to accept and even feel comfortable with these distinctions. Who doesn’t want to be considered ‘Lit’?

    Knowing who you are, fo’ real isn’t just something nice to say, it is a conscious examination of every facet that defines us and our actions.

    I Know Me

    I am an introvert.

    For a time, I felt comfortable saying that I was shy, but shyness didn’t fully account for some aspects of my personality, that went beyond how I felt around people.  It was more all encompassing and definitive.

    Shyness, people can get over, but I was different. I recognised that it took more out of me to attempt to make friends or even get to know people. To this day that’s still an issue, which has decreased over time, but is still evident.

    thyself

    Sadly, many people misconstrue my introversion for other things… dislike, disgust, disdain, aloofness even – when really I may just be too distracted trying to keep my ‘ish’ together.

    Nevertheless, I make no excuses.

    “There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” ― Tennessee Williams.I know myself and therefore I am unbothered by how people respond to that aspect of my personality; I know, I usually don’t mean people ill will, and therefore I try not to beat myself up about it.

    I’m a communicator, by profession.

    And while I acknowledge the irony of this, being able to compartmentalise aspects of my personality helps.

    The ebullient Communications professional asks all the questions, speaks into the microphone but someone who is also quiet and appreciates alone time.

    Standing my ground

    As I have matured and grown older, it has become easier for me to stand my ground and remain unbothered about other people’s issues with my idiosyncrasies. After almost four decades of refining and being truly honest with myself, it is safe to say, I don’t give a damn.

    But standing my ground also comes at a cost.

    There is the clear and present danger of me being misunderstood and misinterpreted by some folks. Most recently I have learned the value of truly standing in my truth and letting that do the talking.

    That includes accepting certain personal shortcomings and fully understanding that I am imperfect and a work in progress.

    Just Be

    It is because I am so aware of who I am, why I firmly reject labels which seek to oversimplify, and dilute the true essence of who I am.  I am more than what someone can throw at me in a phrase that seeks to define me.

    There is a joy that comes with knowing that you never owe another soul an explanation for who you are and the important choices you make.

    In knowing and fully acknowledging who I am, I have been able to come to terms with so many things that have occurred in my life over the past few years. The good that manifested from hard work and perseverance and the bad that was unearthed when the life decided to show me what was lurking under the surface.

    Probably the best part about knowing who I am is the fact that it makes any decision to change, that much easier. As I outlined in this post in June change is what keeps me driven and excited about life. I’m still learning, growing and changing. Some will like it, some won’t.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Change Everything!

    Change Everything!

    I’ve been absent but not missing.

    What started out as a one month blogging break eventually turned into a two month sabbatical.

    The break became necessary as I used the time to manage some monumental changes in my life.

    By far the biggest change that took place over the past two months was planning and implementing my move from one living space to another. Leaving the nest is a big deal because it is a meticulous gathering of your entire physical life from one space to the next and it is equal parts emotional and tiring as you strive to jump from one rock to another, while carrying a bunch of stuff you have acquired along the way.

    The whole experience paired with some other observations, have given me an opportunity to focus on change and why it is so vital for myself and all of us to accept.

    I often hear the statement: “The only constant thing in life is change” but right now, I could wax poetic for hours about change and all the wonders of newness!

    “The only constant thing in life is change”

    Change is the fertilizer that keeps me growing and every time I get an opportunity to evolve I take it.

     

    I have always been willing to accept change, because many times in my life, I had no choice but being willing to accept and acclimatize to change, always meant looking for that silver lining.

    There are many people who perceive me to be happy-go-lucky, positive and optimistic, and for the most part, their perception is correct, however that attitude is grounded in my willingness to always deal with changes as they come.

    People are People

    By far the most challenging changes I usually have to deal with is the shifting sands of loyalty from some of those closest to me, whether friends or family. It is always difficult when the actions of some people in your life cause you to take a closer look at them and how they fit into your life.

    Where most people seem to have a problem is when they have to make a decision to change course in a relationship, because culturally some of us have been taught to hold on until something detrimental happens that proves that the worse has occurred.

    I have adopted a simple principle when it comes to dealing with changes in the nature of my relationships. This includes anything that changes my perception of said relationship and the person – “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Oprah Winfrey

    This mantra has allowed me to really see the people who are part of my life, and acknowledge them accordingly. Sometimes, what I considered “change” was not in fact a shift in behaviour, just another opportunity to really see a person as they are.

    I am always thankful for those opportunities and whenever, upon reflection I ponder on why or how someone changed, I always seek to discover what was always right before my eyes.

    Roll, Roll, Roll

    Changes come into our lives in many shapes and forms and are often unexpected. Unplanned changes appear most daunting because the possible outcomes are always in the shadows.

    For example, changing jobs years ago was a joy, because of the possibilities that awaited me, plus an improved salary offer. But the unknown element did more than just scare me, it served to inspire me to not only give my all and really savour the opportunity to learn something completely new.

    From that experience, I’ve learned that the inverse of my fear and anxiety regarding a challenge will be excitement, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. It can be no other way! Why go through a challenge and not come out triumphant on the other side?

    Change is Good

    Finally, there comes a time when change becomes necessary, because it takes us to the next phase. It’s impossible to get to that unknown place, without accepting and adapting.

    I know many people who are afraid of change because it makes them uncomfortable and disoriented. But in many ways, discomfort usually means that a change is taking place, that more often than not, will be to your benefit.

    Discomfort is often a prelude to growth and that’s important to all of us, but whatever the change, whatever the challenge, just Keep Moving Forward!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • To Have or Have Not: Children

    To Have or Have Not: Children

    I’ve often pondered some of the reasons I’ve decided not to have children, or in the Jamaica parlance pertaining to men and children “get any.”

    One of my reasons was pretty blunt – children are a premium I don’t wish to pay during my journey through life.

    But my reason for not wanting to have my own children, have opened my eyes to a number of other wide ranging issues around childbearing and how it all relates to our life choices.

    I believe children are ALWAYS a blessing, just usually ill-timed and sometimes inconvenient, for some. My contention has always been that an ill-timed child could throw a person’s life (especially the mothers’) off course.

    Multiple children could make a bad situation even worse – Lost educational opportunities, career opportunities, money opportunities, progress and independence.

    Light Bulb Moment

    And then I realized something…

    There are many women who have been able to make a successful go at life with their children in tow. Single motherhood, teenage pregnancy or multiple pregnancies, did not prove to be inherent progress blockers.

    So to the crux of my epiphany…

    We are the only ones standing in the way of our own progress and living our Best Lives!

    The Sacrifice

    parenthood

    The decision to have or not have children is catalytic for me because I’ve always seen parenthood as a speed bump or roadblock on a path to some yet unnamed multi-hyphenate future life (noting as well that for some, Parent is a desired title).

    But I’ve seen both sides of the coin, people who have one child, or a bunch and never reach a personal milestone beyond the ‘mundanity’ of survival and others who achieved great things despite parenthood.

    You may be wondering why I’ve chosen to juxtapose life goals with parenthood and specifically motherhood. This is due in part to that fact that I was raised by a single mother and I have a number of single mothers in my family.  I’ve often contemplated, what could’ve been different for each of these women had they not had children in the single parent context.

    But a new thought has also occurred to me: would ‘not having’ children have made a huge difference in how their lives played out? Would they have become CEO’s or small business owners?

    We may never know but what I do know is that ambition, dreams, the will to succeed and to grow beyond your ‘normal’, is only dimmed by death, not children.

    What a Privilege

    I readily accept my privilege as a man and acknowledge that my decision to not have children is taken in a completely different context, when compared to a woman making the same declaration.

    Our societies make harsh demands on women, even when married, about the when and why of having children.

    Even if I chose to have children, society holds that I am not the pregnant one so nuance dictates that I didn’t have a child, I ‘got one’.

    So to some fathers, it means an understood relationship where the man is positioned as a provider and not necessarily a caregiver.

    I’m looking beyond that and acknowledging that parenthood, for whom ever takes on the responsibility wholeheartedly is a BIG DEAL and a lifelong responsibility.

    parenthood

    Whether we regard children as an obstacle or a blessing, like any other challenge in life, we progress by surmounting them. We keep pushing and keep moving because it’s what life is about.

    Having to raise children is not an excuse for not living the life you want. Just as how not having a ‘good’ early home life should not determine your future, children are not an impediment.

    Life Comes at you fast

    But let’s take it a step further, beyond children and look at any challenging circumstance life throws in our path. Reality is, if we have the will and the determination, we will make a way.

    One of my favourite quotes from the book Who Moved my Cheese, by Spencer Johnson is “when you change what you believe, you change what you do.”  I believe.

    I may yet soften to the idea of having children of my own, but until then, my God children, nieces and nephews will suffice.

    Hats off to all the parents who are doing the best they can and building a life for their children and their future. You are all heroes!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

    Let me know how you feel in the comments and if you have any content ideas feel free to share them with me here.

  • 35 Lessons in 35 Years

    35 Lessons in 35 Years

    Life lessons

    I grew up with this fatal vision that I would not live past age 18.

    Why?

    Because I was unlucky enough to reach that age in the dreaded year 2000, when calamity would strike and the Lord would come back and take his world.

    Imagine my surprise then, that 17 years later, I am still here.

    A thriving 30-something, ‘Adulting’ and still trying to understand this thing we call life.

    “The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”
    ― Robert Frost.

    Today as I celebrate my 35th year of renewal, I realized it was a good time to reflect and recap some of the life lessons I have learned on my trod.

    The whole exercise proved revelatory and for some of these lessons, it took me a while to truly find words to describe them, but here goes.

    In no particular order of importance: Life Lessons

    1. Turning 30 wasn’t that big a deal after all, in fact I felt like my true adulthood began in my 30’s!
    2. If you’re lucky, your maturity and wisdom will peak at the right time for you to start putting the two together and change your life.
    3. A mother’s love is indispensable.
    4. The prayers of the matriarchs of your family count for something.
    5. You actually can become friends with your ‘co-workers’, but stay woke.
    6. Stay away from people who prefer Juici over Tastee beef patties. You never need that kind of negativity in your life.
    7. Try to figure out religion and spirituality for yourself, it will be of immense value.
    8. Your gut is always right!
    9. The worst end, to the best relationship will not be your undoing. In fact, it could be your opportunity to level up.
    10. It is ok to take your time to grow up. If you’re lucky, there will be a lot of years of ‘adulting’ to do all those ‘big people’ stuff.
    11. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of you. Self care is the best thing since sliced bread.
    12. People love differently, but don’t let that blind you to what love should feel like, for you.
    13. Reading is FUNDAMENTAL!
    14. Your education becomes more valuable, the older you get. Get that paper, get that training.
    15. Nobody really wants a nice guy.Life Lessons
    16. None of us are born with good judgement. It’s like a muscle that must be exercised in order to grow and become stronger.
    17. Learn to swim.
    18. You love who you love and no matter how the world tries to change that fact, it remains self evident and true.
    19. Assertiveness is a gift.
    20. Being you is often times easier said than done, but it will always be worth it.
    21. Being thankful through all circumstances, good and bad, makes a difference to your outlook on life. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for, as long as you’re willing to look.
    22. It is ok to have different ‘tribes’ for different aspects of your life.
    23. There’s a difference between being valuable and being valued. See how this applies to your professional and personal relationships.
    24. The word ‘No’ is a gift.
    25. There’s no shame to your game if you can’t dance, but if you’re so inclined, take a few lessons.
    26. Be willing to walk from any situation or person that makes you feel less than.
    27. At a certain point in your life, you won’t care about the degrees and certificates as much, you will just want to learn about new things.
    28. Accept that disagreements or even arguments are part of the process and shouldn’t define relationships,
    29. It takes time to master the art of making lemonade out of lemons but when you do, your whole outlook on life and circumstances immediately change.
    30. No matter how far you run, at the end of the day, you have to face the man in the mirror. Ensure that he’s ok, before you fully face the world.
    31. You are braver and stronger than you think.
    32. Mentors come in many forms.
    33. The good you do, for others counts for something. They will remember, even if you forget.
    34. You are not your hair (Take this from someone who started losing it before age 25).
    35. They may say that you’re shady, but they can never call you dishonest.Life lessons

    Birthdays are a time of great celebration and joy but years ago, my big brother Pete, introduced me to the idea of looking at my birthday, as a New Year celebration.

    So along with these lessons I’ve learned and with the launch of this blog, I’d say that my new year is already looking up.

    More time to Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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    Kevin