Just over a year ago I made a big step and finally moved out of my childhood home. I alluded to that change here but only now have I been able to fully digest how significant the move was.
It is one of the best things I have ever done and continues to teach me new things about myself that living ‘at home’ could never.
The simple act of moving out also caused seismic shifts in my life in other ways because it dramatically changed the way certain people related to me, some for the better and others for worse.
Love Matters
Probably the biggest benefit I have experienced so far, has been a renewal of my relationship with my Mom. Living away from her, has made me more aware of her mortality, in a way that I wasn’t before.
I used to see my mother everyday while I was still at home but in reality, we rarely spoke, because I made it a point of duty to reside in my own little world, consumed by my own interests.
Now, everything is different because, when I realized that I won’t be seeing her everyday it became urgent that I at least speak with her as often as I could. No week goes by that I don’t see her and even more than before, we have built-in time that we spend going out and doing things together. That, I can treasure because the degree of separation let me know that valuing her now is more important than ever.
Designing Reality
Who knew that designing your own space could be so exciting? Over the past year, I’ve been able to curate a collection of items that match my own taste, temperament and comfort level. Just having that level of control has been a joy in itself and it is true what they say, about pushing your own key.
‘Adulting’ is even more profound now, when I realize that I am truly responsible for taking care of myself. The ability to do it well is a privilege and responsibility I cherish. Even in the midst of acquiring, I’m also learning to be minimalist, removing clutter and focusing on the things that matter most.
Make Space
So now that I’m on my own, I have to be mindful of the temptation to just chill and enjoy my own company all the time. I have to push myself to carve out time and activities that take me beyond the four walls of my abode. For some reason, it’s kinda difficult. I’m never lonely, so I really have to drum up the urge to get up and out of my space and do things. I’m getting a better grip of this, but for a while, I felt almost like a hermit. I joked with a friend, when I initially moved that I was nesting, but having nested I’m now more comfortable planning activities and just taking on the road with my friends. Stepping out of my literal comfort zone is as much for entertainment as it is for survival and when I don’t want to step out, I host.
In My Zone
The one thing you become acutely aware of when you live alone is yourself. It’s inevitable, because you will be spending a good amount of time on your own. If I was never comfortable really being alone before, then spending the past year living solo has fully converted me. The most invaluable insight though has been an appreciation of not just my own company but coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the day you are responsible for yourself. Surviving and thriving is up to you as an adult, and while there are those who love and support you, it’s your responsibility. Recognising and coming to terms with my own independence has been empowering and continues to push me forward.
I’m happy that I had good practice taking care of myself otherwise this would’ve been a much longer post.
How are you making the most of your ‘alone ‘time? Let me know in the comments.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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Somewhat overwhelmed by work, some aspects of life and just the cut and thrust of existing.
There’s a fix however, that most of us have access to, if we are full time employed: Vacation days! So I decided to take some.
Even before my vacation time had come, I made a decision quite early that I would temporarily deactivate my Instagram account.
In my last blog post I mentioned how much of a time suck it is for me. I ended up deactivating a week before going on vacation and the expected FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) never materialized. I ended up remaining off instagram for a little over 4 weeks.
For the Love
It’s sometimes hard for me to adequately convey how I feel about the platform. What I know for sure, is that it can devour my time, and some content can be triggering. It doesn’t help that my work revolves around social media, so I usually have need to use the platform more often than not.
Just to be clear, I LOVE social media.
It’s through social media that I have been able to make meaningful and lasting connections with people who, with my otherwise introverted self, I would not have had access to. Additionally, it satisfies my insatiable need for information and with a carefully curated list of sources, I’m pretty content with what I am able to access and digest.
There is however another side to social media that I find tiring – the performance of it all!
Tiring as opposed to problematic, because I don’t believe that taking and sharing a picture to tell a story about something exciting happening in my life is a problem. I do find tiring, this seeming innate and pathological need to convince the world that ‘I AM OK’.
Now this is me, I’m not even sure this is what other people feel, but I got to this point where I felt like every post needed to be a visual representation of the fact that, I’m alive, I’m thriving and having the best time of my life. That shit gets tired.
This is not on Instagram, it’s on me.
The smiles are never forced, and for the most part I have more good days than bad, but I started questioning this ‘obligation’ to let the world know what and when those were.
Making it Real
Over the past couple of years, I’ve actually started to be much more deliberate about what I decide to post on social media, and what aspects of my life I share. But unlike ‘influencers’ and Instagram famous people, who curate their timelines for aesthetics, I simply wanted to keep some things sacred.
So in a way, I’ve flipped it. Things that I used to feel that I needed to share to allow others to know what’s going on in my life, I feel a bit more protective of, now.
I threw off what felt almost like a chore and chose to just live and enjoy moments.
This article written by New York Times tech columnist, Kevin Roose, brought me some eye opening perspective on phone use and how disruptive it can be if left unchecked.
He untethered from his phone for 30 days, which allowed him to pick up new hobbies, and resulted in him reducing the amount of time he spent using his device.
My own experience, though much less intense, allowed me to make some important observations. The most revealing, was just how little I know about the lives of my friends and former close acquaintances, even though we are connected via social media.
Connect (ed)
Sadly, the invasiveness of social media fools us into believing that we are plugged into the lives of our loved ones… So we know that our friend from high school is getting married, having a baby and just got a promotion.
But social media is just a balcony with a view.
In fact I’ll go further and say, social media access to the lives of our friends is merely a pair of binoculars. You can see everything in detail, from miles away, but you’re not really there, involved and participating.
Being a spectator in the lives of our friends, through social media, is not the same as being involved. I came to this realization, when I didn’t have the same access to some people’s lives, without IG. It became clear, that while we are connected we aren’t truly connecting.
Just because I have a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean that we are even having regular conversations.
There are people I have known, who passed away and the last memory I have of connecting with them, was a photo they posted, that I liked.
Not a call, not an in-person meet up, not even a conversation, just an ephemeral interaction on social media.
I had to ask myself – “Was that meaningful enough?”
It isn’t.
Spark Joy
Some of us (myself included) may take for granted the people in our lives because, we have virtual access to them on social media but what you see is not always the real deal.
Because we all have that need to convince the world that we’re doing ok, based on what we post on our social media, it’s not good enough to just keep track.
I now pursue more meaningful connections with my friends and some other acquaintances, off social media and work to be more present, in general.
I’m also happy to report that taking a little time away from Instagram had another interesting side effect. I use the platform way less than before, now that I have returned.
Previously, I depended on the in-app timer to alert me when I reached my 1 hour usage limit for the day. Now, I’m not even being alerted because I spend so few minutes of my day browsing.
I feel a bit more conscious of the presence of my loved ones and I can truly treasure their presence. Even better, I’m more interested in their lives. This is what being social is truly about for me.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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Musician and actor, Henry Rollins famously sang the following lyrics, in his song Shine:
“No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time. All you got is life time… Go!”
The past couple of months have brought time and how I value it into much sharper focus and in every aspect of my life I see the role it plays.
Case in point, I recently started intermittent fasting as a means of controlling my weight and to overhaul the way I eat.
For the uninitiated, intermittent fasting is NOT a diet, more than anything it is a way of managing how much time you spend consuming, digesting and converting food to energy.
There are different ratios that can be used when doing this type of fast, with the most popular being the 8 to 16 hour ratio. This means that you spend 16 hours fasting, and 8 eating. I generally follow a more strict eating window, with a ratio of 6 to 18 hours, which I have found manageable and effective.
Reclaiming my time
Due to the fasting, I have become so much more conscious of the amount of time I spend eating, and exactly what I am eating during that time. In fact one of the biggest benefits of intermittent fasting has been the amount of time I’ve been able to save as part of the process.
Because I don’t break my fast at the normal ‘breakfast time’ that I used to, I no longer have to bother myself with making breakfast. Once I make a healthy lunch, I’m not stumped at lunch time, trying to figure out what to eat.
Do you realize how much time you spend trying to choose your food?
This renewed consciousness of ‘my time’ has actually helped me to become a bit more productive at work as well. Now more than ever, I am deeply interested in ensuring that every hour of my day is spent efficiently and doing what I said I planned to.
How much do you have?
Sometimes my ambition for personal improvement seems to outpace the amount of time I have in each day. Let’s consider it all: the gym takes time, reading takes time, the personal project takes time, work seems to be all over the place with its time, watching Netflix is time being used… everything uses up our time, but we are trying to do it all, guilt free.
There’s no secret way to add hours to the days but if you look closely there are valuable pockets of time in each of our days that can help us to get more done.
For example, I’ve been trying to figure out how to make time to read for pleasure. The solution that works so far, is allotting two hours before bed to reading and/or when necessary, a few hours before getting ready for work in the mornings.
It’s a deliberate effort of course, but once you’ve identified that time, you just have to do whatever it takes to get it done.
Time Sucks Are Everywhere!
One of the more important things any of us can do is to identify the things that waste our time. What are those ‘time-sucks’ in your life?
Prime suspect numero uno in my life is my smart phone!
The typical scenario is: I am doing something, or about to do something, but decide to check my notifications or look at posts on Instagram. The next thing I know, I look up and realize that I had descended down a rabbit hole and got lost for two hours… all that time wasted!
This can happen with any social media network and the simple, uncomplicated solution is to put your phone down and out of reach. Even better, some social media platforms, namely Instagram, now have activity trackers that allow you to track how much time you spend on average using the app.
Additionally it helps you to manage your time by setting a daily reminder once you have spent a preset amount of time of your choosing on the app. So I’ve currently set the app to notify me once I have completed an hour of use of instagram for the day.
There are so many things we can do to save, and take more control of our time. But probably the most important thing we can do is be more aware of the time we do have and fill it with moments that bring us joy.
What are some of the ways you are saving time? Let me know in the comments.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
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I declared 2018 my #YearofReading and what a year it turned out to be!
In total I read about 14 books for pleasure, thanks in no small part to the book club I was invited to join by my friend Nakeeta. It help fuel my need to read, as well as kept me accountable and gave me new found ‘appreciation’ for Memoirs.
On a normal day, I consume reams of information from the internet, be it news stories, feature stories, long reads, technical information for work, contracts, academic literature and everything in between. Because of this non-stop reading I treasure the opportunity to read whatever else I want and therefore make it an important point of duty to consume reading material that truly brings me joy.
I read a lot of books in 2018 but the one that I am most fond of was Brother Man by Roger Mais probably because it was the book that accompanied me on the beach while I was on vacation and the story was so well told.
Reading as an exercise is something I consider a privilege that many of us continue to ignore because of ‘busy-ness’. It takes a high level of deliberate action on our part to do it and do it well.
Many people I know are aspirational readers, you know, the people who become readers when they see a book that you own. You dare make the mistake and lend them your book and you’ll either never see it again, or it will take a year for it to be returned.
Year of Reading 2.0
2018 was also bountiful in terms of the number of new books I acquired, thanks to the seemingly never ending sale held by Novelty Trading Co. from their location move exercise. A few trips and many heavily discounted books later, my collection has grown considerably. So much so that I have decided to take a four month sabbatical from my book club.
In so doing, I’ve created a MUST READ list of books for the year. This list is a must read, as opposed to just a reading list, because, while I will be reading other books throughout the year, I endeavour to read one book from my list each month.
Here is my list of #MustReadBooks2019
2019 Must Read Books
January
Becoming by Michelle Obama
Duh!
February
The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
Since reading Homegoing last year, I’ve been looking forward to this book, almost as a continuation of that journey. So many stories and journeys my people endured because of slavery.
March
The Power of Intention by Dr Wayne W. Dyer
My older brother Pete recommended this book to me some time ago and I think it’s about time I give it a read. I’m being intentional about it this year and I will read it.
April
The Same Earth by Kei Miller
I can boast here that I know Kei in real life and have always been impressed by his talent. I’ve read Fear of Stones and Augustown therefore this book is catch up.
May
Management Cases by Peter F. Drucker
I was drawn to this book because, my life changed in a major way when people started calling me ‘Boss’ and actually meant it. Management teaches you lessons and the quicker you learn the better for you. I’m also aware of Peter Drucker because he is so often quoted for his pronouncements on management.
June
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
This book seems to be on every list of books that all black people should read. It is well regarded and considered a classic of African American literature and at just over 500 pages it’s a compact tome that I am looking forward to diving into. Quick Fact: It was the only book ever published by Ellison in his lifetime.
July
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
I’ve read The Outliers, his topics and writing style continue to fascinate me, plus he’s Jamaican, easy choice.
August
The Book of Night Women by Marlon James
I’m reading Marlon James’ books in the order he’s written them. John Crow’s Devil was a revelation so I am looking forward to finally reading this masterpiece before turning to A Brief History.
September
High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard
This was a well-timed gift from Nakeeta for Christmas 2017 and I’m looking forward to internalizing the central message of this book and applying it to my life.
October
Patsy: A Novel by Nicole Dennis-Benn
This book won’t be released until June 2019 but considering that Here Comes the Sun was such an eye opener I want to cop this book real quick. It’s already on several most anticipated book lists for the year.
November book
King Leopold’s Ghost by Adam Hochschild
The history of Africa’s ruin is told by many and this book came highly recommended. King Leopold is famous enough for his atrocities in the Congo, and this book is a definitive retelling of that tale. I’m bracing myself for it.
December
Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama
Barack Obama is many things that inspires me and reading this exploration of his life and the intersection of race and culture is in line with other reading I’ve done on the topic.
Follow along and help keep me accountable. Each of these books was chosen because they offer something that I expect will help me along my life’s journey. Dare I say, there’s something for everyone as it’s important for me to mix compelling storytelling with something to learn.
Let’s make it a great year for reading together and share in the comments some of your #MustReadBooks2019 .
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
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One of Oprah Winfrey’s greatest gifts to the modern world was her special Oprah Winfrey Show episode that she usually dedicated to her favourite things! It was always around Christmas time and for the lucky souls who were members of the audience they would often walk away with a treasure trove of these items. Nowadays, Oprah still keeps up with her favourite things through amazon.com making access to the finer things within arms length of pretty much everyone.
http://gph.is/15bRbWf
I’m no Oprah but I LOVE to shop or just browse, in fact, just the idea of shopping usually excites me. Nothing beats finding a great deal on something that you actually need, or something that’s just too good to pass up.
I have been fully bought into online shopping since 2003, when I made my very first purchase on Amazon and paid for it with a money order (those were the days).
We are at the crossroad of celebrating everything that the festive season has to offer and our expectations for the new year. It had me thinking, what are some of the tangible items I want to share in this in-between time?
So consider this curated list of items my favourite things but with a much more forward leaning intent that goes beyond Christmas.
Disclaimer: These items are based solely on my own idiosyncratic shopping habits and legit, things that I’ve used and found incredibly helpful or intend to get ASAP!
Here we go!
For your lips
I’m all about putting my best lip forward, especially in 2019 and this product is going to help me keep them looking not only plump but healthy and vibrant, throughout. The Jack Black intense therapy lip balm will do just that.
Whenever I’m purchasing lip balm, there is usually one ingredient that must be present, Lanolin, because it prevents my lips from stripping. Jack Black also comes loaded with SPF 25, so my lips are protected from UV rays. It comes in some pretty nice flavours too: Natural Mint and Shea Butter; Grapefruit and Ginger; Black Tea and Blackberry; Shea Butter and vitamin E; and lemon and Shea butter.
Based on the flavours these will work great for both men and women, however don’t expect a high gloss, which is the other reason why I love this lip balm, it isn’t shiny.
I’m aware of the unit price for each, and while I’m about living that life, I also have an alternative that I’m recommending – Burts Bees – just in case.
For your teeth
I have a storied history with my teeth as I spent most of my younger years with misaligned, spaced out double rows, before getting braces. So the idea of whitening is something I’ve started acknowledging in adulthood. In the past I’ve tried whitening kits with a hydrogen peroxide solution and they worked. However, I’m concerned about the effects of dental sensitivity after prolonged use of hydrogen peroxide, so the effective alternative I’ve found is Active Wow Teeth Whitening Charcoal Powder.
The main ingredient is organic coconut charcoal which is very finely ground, so it gently works to remove built up stains from your teeth over time and also is good for your gums. It can get a little messy but it works!
Packing Cubes
I mentioned packing cubes here before because they were a godsend for travelling and still are. I’ve even gifted these to friends who now swear by them! Packing cubes like these simply make travel easier, especially when you want keep all your stuff together without losing anything. They come in a variety of colours and brands and are reasonably priced, so choices abound. To be clear, you may not need to use all of them on one trip, but for those that you do use, it will be worth it.
Passport Holder Cover Case
And while we are on the travel segment, because that’s one of the subjects that will appear on vision boards every new year, this nifty passport cover is also a great gift for you and your travel companions.
Not only is it cute, with little pockets to store a host of extra items like credit cards and the like, but this cover also has RFID blocking technology built in. What does that mean?
Well, RFID is an acronym for “Radio-Frequency Identification” and refers to a technology whereby digital data encoded in tags or smart labels are captured by a reader via radio waves. The RFID blocker prevents unscrupulous people from copying your credit and debit card information with special devices.
Bluetooth Radio
Talk about a throwback! Who listens to the radio anymore you might ask? I do and thankfully, with this cute InstaBox multi-functional speaker (radio included) I found one my most used electronic devices for 2018. It makes the perfect bedside clock radio and even has a programmable alarm function for that needed wake up call. What’s even better about it is the remote control. If all that wasn’t enough, it has usb, micro SD and bluetooth connectivity. Handy, inexpensive and cute, it’s a gift that keeps on giving.
Reusable Bags
Starting January 1, 2019, Jamaica will ban single use plastic bags, straws and styrofoam containers. So the question on many people’s lips of late has been – “what will I take to the supermarket to get my groceries?”
Well I was casually browsing amazon and found this great item, which I think, over time will become fairly common in Jamaica. It’s the BagPodz reusable bag and storage system which comes in packs of 5 or 10 and 4 different colours. They’re made of nylon, can hold up to 50 pounds and the best part is, they come with a carry bag.
The only ‘con’ so far is the size, as they are not the same as some of the tote bags we are used to. However with 10 in total, I’m not that worried.
I will be getting my own set for the new year and I anticipate that a local producer will make some of these soon, or maybe I should?
Sport Towels
I had made a decision to seriously get back into the gym and get back into the best shape ever. To help myself actualize that process I started preparing by getting things in order and the first item I purchased was a set of towels. In fact these Fit Spirit towels to be exact because, while it would be easy to go and buy some other bath towels, these are micro fiber, stretchy and just a bit more durable than the heavier, cotton based ones.
Wool Dryer Balls
A few years ago, through reading I discovered a new way to save money that has changed my whole life. I decided to stop using fabric softener as, not only was it getting more and more expensive, but it was also damaging my clothes. The thing is, fabric softener adds a layer of film over clothing, especially towels. This makes them less effective for drying. I also stopped using dryer sheets for the same reason, so instead, I purchased wool dryer balls. Now these are obviously for persons who use a dryer regularly for their laundry, but they are so useful! If you have a large load, you can use all six, or less for smaller loads. The more you use the less time you have to keep the clothes in the dryer and they help to fluff your clothing, while they dry.
Laura Alexis Candles
I could not close this list without adding something made in Jamaica and what a product find it is. Basically, I’m in love with anything made by Laura Alexis Candles. Think artisanal products, all Jamaican made of the highest quality and with cute branding that keeps you guessing. The first thing that struck me about Laura Alexis products was the naming. A candle called “Duppy Conqueror” has quite a ring to it and the fact that it’s made of frankincense and myrrh, is just stupendous! I love the candles, the linen spritzers and the occasional soap that the company makes. Their signature lavender linen spritz smells incredible and actually helps me to sleep. These products have changed my life and thankfully they are available right here in Jamaica.
There’s my list, they are things I love and they have helped to improve one aspect of my life in some way. I hope that you will find ways to incorporate them into your own life as well.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
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In my previous post I led you through the forest that is prepping and getting your motor vehicle sold. I still have more to share on that score as the process can be complicated if you are not sure about the steps to take when actually making the transition.
For one thing, educating yourself about the process is key, especially as it relates to the requirements for transferring the vehicle as well as how you decide to free the vehicle from your lender (if necessary).
The first thing I was reminded of was the fact that there was a lien on my car because of the car loan I had on the vehicle. I still owed money on the vehicle from my lender, so that needed to be cleared BEFORE the car could be transferred.
Now let me explain an important, non-negotiable aspect of the buyer-seller relationship (which I learned in hindsight). Once you have identified a buyer, it is highly recommended that they pay you a deposit. In fact, if the buyer is really serious they will be willing to pay a deposit, and if not unfeasible, enough to cover the cost of the lien on the vehicle.
This helps in two ways, namely it ensures that you are not wasting your time, making a commitment to someone who does not intend to purchase your vehicle and also saves time by clearing the lien from your lender (in case this applies). Many persons choose to sell their vehicle after they’ve completed paying off the loan, so the lien requirement may not be an issue, nevertheless the deposit remains important.
Clear the Way
Once the lien is paid off from your lender, you will receive paperwork, which includes the motor vehicle certificate of title, to take to both the insurance company as well as the tax office.
Clear the lien with the insurance company and you’ll be good to go to the tax office where you will need to take the document showing that you have cleared the lien, the vehicle title and registration documents.
The motor vehicle transfer process is pretty simple. The seller will need to get the title stamped at the tax office before handover to the buyer. The traditional story about this process is that both buyer and seller visit the tax office at the same time. This is not necessary as the seller can begin the transfer process alone and simply hand over the documents to the buyer.
Once the title is stamped and handed over to the buyer, they are now free to start the process of registering the motor vehicle in their name and get their own registration plates and return the ones you own. Some insurance companies also require the certificate of fitness before providing insurance coverage.
Close the Deal
Before even getting to this stage, handing over copies of vehicle registration information to the buyer will be necessary, specifically if they need to acquire a loan to complete the transaction.
As the seller you will need to provide a pro-forma invoice and if the vehicle is imported, import and sale documents.
Once the buyer has possession of the vehicle, it’s time for you to cancel your own insurance to close out the deal. Transaction now complete you can now move on with your life, until of course, it’s time to do it again.
I found that the process is made easier if both parties are fully educated about the process. Both buyer and seller must be empowered and proactive in this regard in order to prevent unnecessary headaches.
So, did I miss anything?
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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I recently completed what I consider one of the second most testing processes I have ever had to endure: selling my car in Jamaica. Other people may have had varying experiences with this and I acknowledge those. For a number of reasons the process was tedious, testing and downright annoying. What didn’t make the process easier was the lack of valuable information that could clarify the whole process for the novice seller or buyer.
Tax Administration Jamaica has made a valiant attempt to provide some basic information on the steps necessary when completing a motor vehicle transaction, but in my opinion, it is lacking. What’s even more confusing is the fact that depending on the person you speak with when you call tax admin, you may receive contradictory information about the process.
So, where does it all begin?
Let’s talk a bit about my process when selling.
I bought my first car, 4 years ago, in what at the time appeared to be a very smooth and straight forward process. I, the needy pedestrian wanted to purchase a car that was dependable, inexpensive and a good buy. After visiting a few car marts and doing research online, I found MY car and started the process.
Fast forward to four years later and I was now ready to sell it and also come face to face with the fact that I do not consider myself a salesman. Nope, that’s not me, however the key thing I believe I had going for me was – a good car that was well maintained and would be a great buy for anyone who really wanted it.
Value it!
The first thing I did when I finally decided that my car needed to go was to give it a final servicing (as scheduled) and get any external body repairs done. In my case that meant a bit of spraying to cover some scratches and dents here and there.
One of the most important things I did came next. I decided to get my car valued by a certified valuation company. I chose this one because they seemed legit and were pretty accessible.
A valuation is important when selling a car because it gives you a justifiable basis for your pricing and I say justifiable because, you will get tested by people who approach you about your vehicle and want you to basically give it to them, at a loss. You will get two prices: the estimated value of the car and the forced sale value.
Armed with my valuation I now had a red line, meaning the force sale value was the amount I refused to go below in terms of my final sale price.
Once the car was valued I decided on where I was going to advertise and immediately, I chose online platforms, because based on my own experience, that’s the first place I looked for cars, when I started shopping. I also did a few print placements to let the world know about my car. I was quite confident and gave it a nice firm offer price, with price negotiable in bold letters.
The Response
Two things happened after my initial ad went public – calls trickled in with expressions of interest and I started getting sales calls from guys purportedly based in Japan who were trying to sell me cars, directly shipped from there.
What I noticed immediately about people who link you to buy your car is that not all expressions of interest are truly ‘interest’. Some people just want to call to ask you random questions about your car, or the more famous question – where is it located?
Be warned, ignore anyone who links you wanting to “purchase a car for their wife but due to work they can only meet at night to look at it.” Absolutely NOT, and yes that did happen and the person in question had the audacity to follow up asking – “if I’m ever available.”
I made a point not to get attached to potential buyers and unless there was some kind of agreement, I refused to follow up.
Anyway, after about 7 weeks on the market, I finally found a buyer for my car, who gave me the price I believe, was in line with my expectations. This was after being sassed by people I don’t know who told me they were able to get better prices from other folks, or who wanted me to shave $100k off the value, just because they called and expressed an interest. STAND YOUR GROUND.
In part 2 I’ll tell you more about the process and some of the more challenging aspects.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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It has taken me a long time to learn an important lesson about life and relationships. It is the fact that I do not need to understand or ‘figure out’ why people treat me a certain way.
There is so much to gain from not having the need to know why people treat you a certain way, especially when it is negative.
For example, I remember a time when a relationship I was in ended. I was in a lot of pain as I attempted to process everything about the situation. More stressful however, were my attempts to try and figure out why the other person did what they did to hurt me and how they felt about me.
I became a slave to my ‘need’ for this knowledge, holding it like a warm coal to keep me going, or so I thought. But what I was really doing was placing a burden on myself by trying to discover something that could neither help me nor change what had already happened.
Can you imagine thinking that knowing why someone ‘broke your heart’ would free you? Yes, it took me a minute.
Another instance was when a long time ‘friend’ slowly drifted away. They stopped communicating with me, acted like I was the one who made the 180 degree move and went silent, when all I did was follow their lead.
For years I racked my brain trying figure out what changed? What did I do? What expectation did I not live up to?
I was hurt.
It gets Better
In both situations I was at the mercy of this supposed obligation on my part. Trying to figure out people’s motivation, like a private eye and lawyers piecing together a murder mystery to ascertain motive. But all that was burdensome and simply made me sad.
So over time I realized that it was fruitless and counterproductive.
Knowing would not help me anyway and was needlessly tying me to people who really couldn’t care less about me.
The decision therefore was for me to let go and free myself from this need.
Almost instantly I realized the freedom there was, in not having to know why a person treated me a certain way.
After having a quiet conversation with my ego I also acknowledged that rejection in any form is painful, but it’s also complete, no follow up answer necessary.
I didn’t need an explanation of the other person’s ‘why’ to move on with my life. In fact, the sooner I let go of that notion, the quicker my freedom will come. Sure, the questions may linger at the back of my mind, but I refuse to be burdened by the need to know.
Many of us fall into the trap when mourning relationships of trying to figure out the ‘why’ of it all – “why did this person choose to push me aside why does this person treat me a certain way?”
But this gets us nowhere because it doesn’t change the reality of the rejection and it doesn’t free us from the memory of that hurt. So then what?
It’s simply not wise to belabour the point.
Much Better
The other side of this coin has made my life so much more glorious!
Listen, when people choose to walk away, I don’t even ask two times why and I refuse to worry about it.
I’m good. Do you boo!
If excommunicating me from your life is a positive life decision for you, I don’t need to be told twice. *peace*
In the same vein, if people treat me a certain way, I am not trying to be their therapist. If it is too much for me to handle, then I’ll handle accordingly. Life’s too short trying to always question why people make certain uncomfortable decisions.
I recognised just how powerful this stance is when I had to caution my closest friend on many occasions. She was always trying to figure out the thinking behind her tormentor’s motivations.
“How could they think and behave the way they do?”
I was always there to reminder her: “That’s not your concern and should not get in the way of your healing and progress, so keep it moving.”
This was not her battle nor was it beneficial to her, attempting to know that. We live, we learn.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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Sometimes I get all hot and bothered about how terrible people can be, in every sphere of life. It simply amazes me how selfish and garbage we are to each other, in daily life. For many of us, we get to witness the ‘joy’ that is humanity at the place we spend most of our time – work or in traffic.
We’ve been led to believe that being a good person is as easy as putting on a happy face and saying good morning to every person you encounter in the morning.
But real life isn’t as simple, because while, being a good person is largely self-determined, managing how we react and respond to others around us, is not quite the same.
I have a bunch of pet peeves about how we treat each other and there are some simple things that we all can choose to do, as a personal standard, across all spheres of our lives, to be better people.
I have my own weaknesses and I acknowledge that I am a work in progress, may this be as valuable for me as it is for you.
Stop breaking your own heart
How do we break our own hearts you may ask? By breaking the promises we make to ourselves, for ourselves; by not doing things that enrich our lives; by using our valuable time doing things that break us down instead of building us up. There is so much harm that we do to our own person every day. And it seems easy to disregard because it is internal but it’s important. Too often we don’t realize that the journey to being a better person for others begins with us being good to ourselves.
Figure out Loyalty and be Loyal
The world considers loyalty a gift that keeps on giving, in fact Confucius said “Be loyal and trustworthy. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than yourself in this regard.” But don’t assume that it’s something that you will know automatically. We all have to figure out what it means to us because, this will determine how we relate that understanding to our relationships with others.
Talk Truth
So easy to say, yet, seemingly so hard to do! The lies you tell to yourself, your mama, your best friend, your boss. But if you make a commitment to put a premium on being honest in your life, then it shouldn’t be a problem. This includes dealing with the consequences of telling lies. And half-truths or lying by omission technically don’t count as being truthful. We muddy the waters of our lives by being dishonest. Ripples from lies go far, even when we think there are no consequences.
Stop wasting people’s time
You read right. Stop wasting people’s time in all the ways that you do. If you are not interested, let them know. If you don’t want them, let them know. If they can’t fit into your life, let them know. What you shouldn’t be doing is dragging people along when you really have little or no interest in even considering them a valued part of your life.
Be on time
Contrary to popular belief, punctuality gives you so much power over a situation. Just imagine having a reputation that is centred on the fact that you are always on time. So for one, you will not be the person who usually waste’s people’s time, but you may even earn the label ‘dependable’. That counts for much in certain aspects of our lives. Punctuality, just like being well dressed, is a gift that you give to others.
Add Value
In your every action and word, are you being a change maker? Can anyone truly say that you add value to their lives? We don’t often look at our lives in this way, but if we all consider that our time is finite, then every moment we have is currency. This currency, we get to decide how and with whom to spend. So how are you adding value with your time and energy? I try to add value to the lives of those I love and share my time with. Lately I’ve realized that I not only have something to say, but I can probably teach others a thing or two as well, my way of adding value, somehow.
Stop Judging People…
We make judgements about people based on so many different factors, but really is it worth it? I think I’ve matured a bit because this is something I have to deal with and manage as well. Because, my own judgement and perception of people can sometimes be self-limiting and prevents me from being open to the idiosyncrasies of different people. I’m re-learning how to deal with other people from a distant by simply observing. That’s my strategy though and it keeps me centred and less ‘judgy’.
Take IG Breaks
Social media is fun and a great outlet for expression but sometimes, in order to help us be our best selves, it’s a good idea to let go of its tethers. But it isn’t a bad thing to take a quick break from your social media sometimes, specifically, IG. After being force fed a curated visual representation of someone else’s life over a period of time, it’s almost inevitable that some of us will start sizing ourselves up and compare. It’s not worth it. Take a break if and whenever you need to focus on yourself and just thrive in your own aura.
This is a not panacea or even specifically advice just my way of being less of a trash person. It takes work, but we can do it.
What are some of the things you are doing to be a better person?
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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The carefree days of summer are basically over and while the warmth will continue in Jamaica, there is definitely a feeling that we associate with summer days, such as holidays and the fact that many of us take vacations during these months.
I’m no different and I experienced one of my most spontaneous adventures in my homeland recently. It was simple, uncomplicated but a memorable day spent with friends that I’ll never forget.
What was supposed to be a pretty straight forward drive to the country to see two known attractions turned into an epic road trip and an adventure that I will forever cherish.
On the move
I aim to be very deliberate about how I interact with Jamaica because I don’t ever want to make the mistake of not realizing what a gem this country is, if and when I am someplace else.
That said, there are so many unspoiled, nooks and crannies all over Jamaica, you could choose to go on an adventure every weekend and never be bored.
I see the term ‘self care’ bandied about a lot, and I appreciate the focus on all of us taking better care of ourselves, in every way that matters. Like everything else in life, self care is something that must be deliberately pursued and done, therefore, discovering my country and relaxing is a big part of my regimen.
So in the name of self care and just going on an adventure, I decided that St Elizabeth would be the location for this jaunt.
The Mission
The mission was simple I, along with two of my friends, would leave Kingston for a day of fun and relaxation at a body of water in St Elizabeth, specifically, YS Falls. The idea was to spend the day enjoying the cool waters of YS Falls, which is fed by the YS river.
Glen (center) and Jaevion (right) are the best roadies ever!
Getting to St Elizabeth was a breeze, thanks to the highway and our first photo stop was Holland Bamboo, which despite some wear and tear still has an unmistakable allure. The long and busy stretch of road is surprisingly good for photo ops, which we took advantage of. Just be careful when standing in the middle of the road for those awesome shots, because… road safety.
Holland Bamboo is always a mood!
We made our way to the road leading to the YS Falls attraction, which at a point is surrounded by rolling green pastures that are home to cows and horses. When we finally arrive at the YS reception center however, we were advised that due to rains the previous day the waters at the falls were muddy and brown.
Unexpected Turns – It’s an Adventure
Here began the unexpected day, because this was not part of the plan. We decided to skip YS Falls and head to Little Ochi seafood restaurant in Alligator Pond, Manchester. There was time, so instead of simply turning around, we took a route that I had never been attempted before and went into the hills of St Elizabeth using a curvy country road, leading to Maggotty.
We drove through Maggotty with hope of finding a body of water, specifically, Breadnut Valley Falls, which is just outside the town.
Unfortunately, it was closed and not accessible, so we continued on our journey to Little Ochi, which is actually located on the coast of Manchester. The restaurant is so close to the border with St Elizabeth, it’s often misplaced by some people as part of the parish.
I never realized that the southerly road to little ochi was so long. It took about 30 minutes to drive down to the restaurant, which sits on the coast, from the foot of Spur Tree Hill.
The quintessential meal order from Little Ochi – Escoveitch Fish
Little Ochi on any given day is either a hit or a miss and on this day it was a hit! It wasn’t crowded and the service was quick and pleasant. They had a good selection of nice sized fish to choose from and cooked them up to our delight.
Parts Unknown
This is the part of the journey where the real adventure begins. As we were approaching Little Ochi, we came upon an intersection, with a sign that pointed to a road to the left that led to Milk River in Clarendon. So we decided pretty early that we would make our way back to Kingston using that route.
Now, even though Jamaica is an island, many of us (myself included) prefer to think that the parish of Manchester has no coast. In fact, I’ve just always assumed that the coast of Manchester was inaccessible because it was all cliffs and ridges, well, I learned different.
Once we were done grubbing at Little Ochi, we made our way along this road that was flanked by hills to the left and untouched beaches to the right. Pretty soon however, it became clear that this roadway wasn’t one that was frequently used. We figured this out as we noticed ‘macca trees’ that flanked the road on both sides start to get closer the further we went.
What started out as a relatively wide road, became more and more deserted, winding and smaller the further we went. I actively considered turning back at points until at a particularly narrow section we encountered our first and only other motorist. It was a bit of a challenge allowing him to pass. By this time, we could no longer see the coast because we were surrounding by bush on all sides! We started referring to the span as “The Road that Shouldn’t be There.”
Gut River
We were making our way down the winding, uneven and almost completely covered roadway when we came upon a clearing and saw a group of people emerging from bushes on the left side of the road. When we looked to the right, we saw a gate and a sign, welcoming us to the Gut River Beach Village.
The sign announcing the Gut River Beach Village. Look out for it or you might miss it!
Before that day I had never really known about this place but the sign said it all, River and Beach, we had found our water. We were also pleasantly surprised to see a number of other vehicles at the location that had brought campers to the site, apparently for the weekend.
The beach village has seen better days but the natural beauty cannot be denied. The gateway opened into a yard and just beyond it a small stream that is a breakaway from the river cuts a path through the property, with its crystal clear waters.
This stream gave us a small taste of Gut River
Beyond that was the warm waters of the Caribbean Sea, crashing against the south coast of Manchester.
Gut River is a revelation! The water is cold but clear and at the roadway where the river emerges, is a deep ‘blue hole’ where water bubbles up from the hills and flows to the ocean – perfect for swimming and diving.
The cold, crystal clear waters of the Gut River… so refreshing!
We were able to spend a good chunk of time enjoying the warm water and the particularly flat beach and black sand before we emerged once again and dipped in the cool waters of Gut River (Gut is a shortened version of the german word for Good, apropos I think).
When we eventually left and made our way back on the road, the winding continued through what seemed like never ending wilderness until we reached Canoe Valley, and it’s major attraction the Alligator Hole River and its accompanying game sanctuary, which is home to manatees and crocodiles.
Part of the Alligator hole protected area
That was the last major point of interest before we eventually re-emerged into civilization in Clarendon. We discovered, later that the roadway we used to get to Gut River was called the South Coast Road.
Doing New Things
What has made me so smitten with this journey was the fact that I felt like a foreigner in my own homeland. Jamaica is so beautiful and there is so much for us to see and experience, but access is important. The fact that the road to this pristine location on a seemingly remote coastal region of Jamaica is in disrepair, is something to ponder about. Not many people know Gut River or the wonders of this portion of Jamaica’s South Coast.
I’m glad that I am able to take trips like this and have friends to enjoy it with but I am also cognizant of others who for whatever reason, don’t have the same luxury.
If you are able, find those places across your homeland that you have left undiscovered and live!
Share with me some of the hidden gems in Jamaica that you are familiar with in the comments section.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
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