In the continued spirit of refresh and declutter, I continue this series with a note to self on how to free up my mental and emotional space from thoughts that otherwise bog me down. Consider this the mental declutter for the year ahead.
Nothing like committing to ‘New Year, New Me’, then end up getting trapped by your old mindset and lethargy.
You know, the old habits, pathologies and fears that challenge our basic ability to change our circumstances, year after year. The thing is, most of these obstacles are within our control but as soon as the new car smell of the ‘new year’ wears off every dream and aspiration gets shunted.
I have learned a thing or two about making new year plans and goals doable and one of the most potent was a lesson from 2020, which was to start early!
Whatever you intend to do, actively start working towards it as soon as the new year has begun, when the motivation is ripe. And if 2020 is anything to go by, you never know what could happen after the first 3 months of the year.
I cannot stress enough that the insights I am about to share are a ‘note to self’ as the reset in my thinking and attitude is an ongoing process for which I have to continuously recommit.
For this year, I aim to be even more intentional about safeguarding my mental wellbeing and I hope that reaffirming these mantras/actions will keep that commitment in check.
Embrace Rejection
It’s ironic that I’m choosing to ‘embrace rejection’ even as the nature of it is the complete opposite but my thinking around this has been framed by my experience with being rejected in multiple ways and also overcoming that.
Of course I hate rejection, in all its forms, from the subtle erasure you may experience when you realize that you are not ‘that friend’ to someone you are close to or the hurt associated with not getting something that I wanted.
But what has been a salve in dealing with rejection is accepting and understanding that it is not failure, even if the sum total appears that way. Instead, I genuinely see rejection as redirection and I refuse to see it otherwise. Owning my destiny means that the ultimate result of any situation that does not appear to work in my favour initially, will, eventually.
Rejection is number one on this list because the way it happens in our lives is so diverse and multifaceted and when it does, it can cause much consternation and confusion.
I keep reminding myself: I am not for everyone and everything is not for me. Redirection allows me to find my way and my tribe.
I’m not the ‘Good Guy’
One of the greatest life lessons I came to terms with in my life in 2020 was the fact that I am a villain in someone’s story.
I am ok with that.
It was funny to discover that in one instance there was a whole storyline which clearly set me up as the evil, bad guy with all my nuanced and idiosyncratic characteristics, neatly checked off. On paper I was the bad guy and to anyone listening (without clarification, not to mention all the embellishment and fabrication) I was the perfect Disney antagonist.
However I was aware of my intent as well as everything that ordered my actions within the context of those retellings and most importantly, my conscience was free and clear.
Accept and Move On
I no longer worry about the fact that people think of me in one way or another because at the end of the day, I can only do me and where I make a mistake or foul up, I simply aim to do better another day.
It can be a rude awakening when you realize that there are people who think of you as ‘toxic’. Well, it’s time to get over yourself, own that toxicity and keep on living anyway. It can be an indictment against ourselves when we walk around always believing that we are the ‘Good Guy’.
It’s damaging, because while in your heart and actions you are a good person, telling yourself that and choosing to disbelieve that someone can consider you otherwise, can immediately make you a victim of circumstance. In fact if statements like “But I didn’t do anything to that person” or “I don’t trouble people” become part of your reaction to malice or bad actions against you then you should do a self-check.
We have no control over how people perceive us beyond the superficial and regardless of how you present yourself to the world there will always certainly be differing viewpoints about who you ‘really are’. People have opinions and sometimes ‘they feel away’ about you the moment you walk into a room. Don’t let that stop you from being great!
Just Do it anyway
There is so much going on and when the going gets tough, it’s sometimes easy to account for all of those other things and just throw your hands up in defeat. But my new attitude will be “Do it Anyway!”
Whether in fear or full of nerves, whatever we want to accomplish, will be on the other side of that trepidation. Some of the most fulfilling experiences and outcomes I’ve had in my life have been as a result of me just deciding to do it anyway.
This is the attitude I have when it comes to work and getting projects completed therefore I’ve decided to adopt this principle, with as much seriousness when it comes to my own pursuits.
Can’t count how many times I’ve set goals and every possible reason comes up why I could never accomplish it and then, the time goes by without anything to show.
Every time I express my thoughts in one of these blogs there is that question of whether it is good enough or if it will add value. I’m not always sure of the answer to either of those questions but I press publish anyway because I rather have it published than wonder about what could have been.
Final Word
I am doing the best I can, as are all of us. I am figuring it out, planning, writing it down and charting my course.
Share with me some of things you plan to clear up.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
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Nadine
January 26, 2021 at 11:46 am28