Yes, I’m single… What of it?

I feel ‘safe’ writing about this now that V-Day has come and gone. After all couldn’t risk being called bitter because I’m not ‘celebrating’ the day of Love. I honestly am neither here nor there when it comes to the observance though my protestations and meme use on social media around that time of year is always top notch.

Just look at these?

And while, thankfully, the question of my own ‘singleness’ doesn’t come up as much nowadays, when it does, it is with a certain level of questioning and wonderment. People often approach the topic with a number of preconceived notions about who I am and why I may or may not be single.

It’s an easy way to get into your business but some people also immediately behave as if you’re a leper because you are single. What’s that about?

Relatives have gone as far as to patronizingly tell me that “everybody needs somebody” which is funny because to the best of my knowledge, very few people I know are connected to just a ‘somebody’ (but that’s another story). The reality is some folks feel invested in figuring you out and one of the ways they believe they can do that is through who you are connected with intimately.

I can see how it could be a bit odd, considering that there are people I am close enough with who have never known me while I was in a relationship. Oh well…

Upon deeper consideration I have arrived at the following conclusions/insights about being and living single that I believe would be useful to share as a reminder and an FYI to those who may otherwise behave as if it is an abstraction.

Being single did not happen to me – it’s a decision I made and continue to make

Unlike bad days and being hit by a bus, being single did not ‘happen’ to me. Yes, of course, at some point I was in a relationship (or two) that ended but the state of being single remains.

That state is a conscious decision I have made and continue to make, for myself. No explanation needed really. It is what it is and until someone or circumstances change (it), it will probably be ok and I will survive.

What being single is not, is an immutable state that remains for eternity.

I don’t need your help

Yeah, no.

Perish the thought that I need your assistance, your suggestions or recommendations. This actually applies to most people, who sometimes think it’s a great idea to find someone ‘for’ me. Surprisingly, recommendations typically come from people I am not even close with and who know nothing about my dating life and habits. I’m more willing to trust suggestions from close friends (if they even want to do that).

A superficial understanding of who I am and whom I may be interested in will prove to be a disaster. Also, I am not open to matchmaking experiments by intrepid dating experts   because based on past experience, they are usually way off (your friend or acquaintance is probably not my type).

And what a violation it is for folks to be sharing information about you to people who you do not know, for them to critique and assess, as if you are a slab of meat.

NO.

See your single friends and leave them alone, believe that they know what they want and unless they inform you otherwise, they probably don’t want to be introduced to your well-intentioned but typically inappropriate pitches.

Platonic relationships are a thing

One of the starkest realizations I came to at the end of a previous relationship was the importance of having meaningful platonic relationships. Friendships are important and the right ones can help you to thrive while living single.

I choose to add more value to platonic relationships at this moment and that is important to me. Doesn’t take long for you to realize that some people may not understand or appreciate that, which is ok.

Obviously, not everyone will want to be your friend or even an acquaintance but even as a first step before something else, it can provide so much clarity. I mean, if I can’t be friends with someone, comfortably, then we probably can’t be anything beyond that, basically.

Being single is not a scarlet letter  

Seriously, I’m not broken and last time I checked, I’m not somehow inadequate because I am single.

Weird to sometimes consider this because people feel like you are missing a kidney or a rib when you have no romantic partner. With all the dysfunction many relationships have, better peeps pray for my good health.

Yes, people are living and thriving, while single and no they are not dysfunctional because of it. In fact I can recall being told by a suitor years ago that I was selfish because I basically was so comfortable with ‘myself’ – people will gaslight you for the weirdest things. Make of that what you will.

Additionally, I’m neither asexual nor anti-relationship. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being Asexual or even anti-relationship, it’s just not who I am. What’s more I’m not jaded enough to say that I am absolutely turned off from relationships, far from it actually.

Final thoughts

Living single is as simple as breathing and no one deserves to feel like something is wrong with them because they are. Live and let live, in this great big world that we are all part of.

 Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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