I have been adrift.
Somewhat overwhelmed by work, some aspects of life and just the cut and thrust of existing.
There’s a fix however, that most of us have access to, if we are full time employed: Vacation days! So I decided to take some.
Even before my vacation time had come, I made a decision quite early that I would temporarily deactivate my Instagram account.
In my last blog post I mentioned how much of a time suck it is for me. I ended up deactivating a week before going on vacation and the expected FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) never materialized. I ended up remaining off instagram for a little over 4 weeks.
For the Love
It’s sometimes hard for me to adequately convey how I feel about the platform. What I know for sure, is that it can devour my time, and some content can be triggering. It doesn’t help that my work revolves around social media, so I usually have need to use the platform more often than not.
Just to be clear, I LOVE social media.
It’s through social media that I have been able to make meaningful and lasting connections with people who, with my otherwise introverted self, I would not have had access to. Additionally, it satisfies my insatiable need for information and with a carefully curated list of sources, I’m pretty content with what I am able to access and digest.
There is however another side to social media that I find tiring – the performance of it all!
Tiring as opposed to problematic, because I don’t believe that taking and sharing a picture to tell a story about something exciting happening in my life is a problem. I do find tiring, this seeming innate and pathological need to convince the world that ‘I AM OK’.
Now this is me, I’m not even sure this is what other people feel, but I got to this point where I felt like every post needed to be a visual representation of the fact that, I’m alive, I’m thriving and having the best time of my life. That shit gets tired.
This is not on Instagram, it’s on me.
The smiles are never forced, and for the most part I have more good days than bad, but I started questioning this ‘obligation’ to let the world know what and when those were.
Making it Real
Over the past couple of years, I’ve actually started to be much more deliberate about what I decide to post on social media, and what aspects of my life I share. But unlike ‘influencers’ and Instagram famous people, who curate their timelines for aesthetics, I simply wanted to keep some things sacred.
So in a way, I’ve flipped it. Things that I used to feel that I needed to share to allow others to know what’s going on in my life, I feel a bit more protective of, now.
I threw off what felt almost like a chore and chose to just live and enjoy moments.
This article written by New York Times tech columnist, Kevin Roose, brought me some eye opening perspective on phone use and how disruptive it can be if left unchecked.
He untethered from his phone for 30 days, which allowed him to pick up new hobbies, and resulted in him reducing the amount of time he spent using his device.
My own experience, though much less intense, allowed me to make some important observations. The most revealing, was just how little I know about the lives of my friends and former close acquaintances, even though we are connected via social media.
Connect (ed)
Sadly, the invasiveness of social media fools us into believing that we are plugged into the lives of our loved ones… So we know that our friend from high school is getting married, having a baby and just got a promotion.
But social media is just a balcony with a view.
In fact I’ll go further and say, social media access to the lives of our friends is merely a pair of binoculars. You can see everything in detail, from miles away, but you’re not really there, involved and participating.
Being a spectator in the lives of our friends, through social media, is not the same as being involved. I came to this realization, when I didn’t have the same access to some people’s lives, without IG. It became clear, that while we are connected we aren’t truly connecting.
Just because I have a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean that we are even having regular conversations.
There are people I have known, who passed away and the last memory I have of connecting with them, was a photo they posted, that I liked.
Not a call, not an in-person meet up, not even a conversation, just an ephemeral interaction on social media.
I had to ask myself – “Was that meaningful enough?”
It isn’t.
Spark Joy
Some of us (myself included) may take for granted the people in our lives because, we have virtual access to them on social media but what you see is not always the real deal.
Because we all have that need to convince the world that we’re doing ok, based on what we post on our social media, it’s not good enough to just keep track.
I now pursue more meaningful connections with my friends and some other acquaintances, off social media and work to be more present, in general.
I’m also happy to report that taking a little time away from Instagram had another interesting side effect. I use the platform way less than before, now that I have returned.
Previously, I depended on the in-app timer to alert me when I reached my 1 hour usage limit for the day. Now, I’m not even being alerted because I spend so few minutes of my day browsing.
I feel a bit more conscious of the presence of my loved ones and I can truly treasure their presence. Even better, I’m more interested in their lives. This is what being social is truly about for me.
Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!
Kevin
Subscribe to the blog here and share your content suggestions here.