Category: personal growth

  • Conquering your Fear of Public Speaking

    Conquering your Fear of Public Speaking

    If you’ve been a reader of this blog for some time, or if you know me, you would have picked up that I am a Toastmaster and a fan of public speaking.

    Working in communications, specifically radio, gave me practice using my voice, but joining the professional organisation known as Toastmasters International helped me to refine my presentation skills, even more.

    I recently had the opportunity to share some of my personal insights on public speaking on the Creatives on Fire podcast with Nadine Tomlinson – you can listen here.

    We had a fun conversation about public speaking, and I sought to address how persons can better embrace instead of fear these opportunities whenever they arise.

    Listening back to the conversation I realized that there are a few takeaways that have helped me immensely over the years.

    Where it all Began

    I can distinctly remember the first time I realized that just because I am articulate on the radio it didn’t automatically make me a good public speaker.

    It was during a public speaking workshop no less, where participants were being taken through the paces of sharing stories at the lectern. We were all tasked with preparing a brief speech about something of interest to us (if memory serves). I prepared something on paper and was mostly clear on how I was going to present it, however before we presented, our trainers provided insight on public speaking best practice.

    I had my draft speech all wrong and wanted to make changes to ‘improve it’.

    Well, I made my changes as best I could, however I had little to no time to really familiarize myself with the narrative.

    I went up to the lectern and I was completely stumped!

    What made this even worse was the fact that those who went before me were just about flawless in their presentations and even received commendations but I sunk like a deflated balloon.

    Nightmare!

    I experienced the deadliest cocktail of dread any person who fears public speaking could ever undergo:

    • Standing at a microphone facing a large group of people
    • I wasn’t sure of my material
    • Followed speakers who were really good
    • Embarrassed and blubbering

    That feeling of standing before an expectant audience, knowing that you are doomed but looking back at the blank faces because you know that they do not want to be in your position and they cannot offer any help.

    It was a public speaking disaster.  I took it in stride and promised to learn from that experience.

    When I was invited to join Toastmasters I was mentally prepared for the journey because I had experienced the worst public speaking fail and lived through it. No way was I going to shrink from an opportunity to do better and be great.

    On the journey as a Toastmaster I’ve learned three important things that I touched on in the podcast that I can speak about more here.

    Fear public speaking? You are not Alone

    If you’re like me, there was a time when the thought of getting up and addressing an audience of more than one person scared you to death. There’s a name for that -Glossophobia or fear of public speaking and it is more common than most of us believe. Appreciating that other people share this fear, I think, is the first step in getting over it. In fact, it may be an opportunity to laugh at yourself and truly come to terms with the experience.

    Think about public speaking from the micro level – every time you utter a word to someone else, it is a form of public speaking. You measure your progression by the growing size of audiences you are comfortably able to address over time. The only way you will be able to do this, is to get practice. Start small, start with family, at family gatherings, at church, in class, in your office but don’t take for granted the valuable experience you gain by simply doing it more often. Not only will you get used to public speaking over time, but there’s a high chance that you will learn and also grow.

    Power of the Pause

    I spoke a bit about this during the podcast, how pauses, strategically placed during a speech can elevate your oratorical skills. The next time you happen to hear a well known speaker address an audience, note how many times they make short pauses within the speech.

    Not only does it help them to catch a breath, the pause also engages the audience by allowing them time to think about some of what the speaker is saying. It is not a bad thing, it isn’t awkward when done correctly and as a speaker it also gives you a bit of time to gather your thoughts.

    Be Prepared 

    Finally, one of the most important aspects of public speaking we all seem to forget at some point is the ‘why’ of it all. Why are you standing before your audience and speaking? Of course the nightmare scenario of a request for impromptu speaking is always possible but even then, there is an expectation that you know something.

    In every other instance, the speaker must prepare. Read, memorise, write down, study, whatever you must do to ensure that you are familiar with your subject matter. Preparation helps you to be familiar with the topic, or even the written copy of your speech, but it’s plain common sense.

    Unfortunately, many people get intimidated because they want to be a great impromptu speaker without any experience at all. It really doesn’t work like that and only through doing, practicing, failing and learning will we ever get better at it. I really hope these insights can be useful if you are struggling with public speaking.  Let me know in the comments how you cope with public speaking jitters.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    It’s my Birthday! Let’s get nostalgic

    Birthday Tings

    Today marks two important milestones, my blogs’ second year of active existence and my Birthday!!! It was no accident that my blog was launched on my birthday 2 years ago as I needed a momentous occasion to present it to the world and make it live.

    It’s been two years that have seen some major changes in my life, all for the best and thankfully, I’ve been able to chronicle it all using this space on the internets. My understanding of the blogging process has also matured and my commitment to consistency has remained intact, even if what that looks like has changed, overtime.

    I’m going to use this opportunity to do a quick rundown of some of the interesting insights and revelations I’ve made, through this blog over the past couple of years, by taking a look back at a few of the posts that for whatever reason have been memorable.

     

    Favourites to date

    birthday

    Over the past two years I’ve been fortunate to write about a lot of different topics. After all, the way my blog is set up allows me to venture across different topics across various interests. But I have two particular favourite s out of all I’ve written.

    My first ever blog post “35 Lessons in 35 years” remains one of my all-time favourite pieces I’ve written, not just because it was the first but because it also serves as a definitive statement on who I am and what I am about. I don’t think I’ve ever opened up this much to any one, much less to the public, all at once.

    My other favourite is a little blog I published in November 2017 entitled, “You can do Whatever you Like”  which I actual go back and read every now and then as a reminder that life is about doing the things that bring me joy, in whatever realm, no excuses.

     

    Stuff I Love that you probably missed

    birthday

    I’ve come to realize that I write as much for myself as I do for readers and sometimes, there are just ideas I find so hilariously intriguing I can’t help but write something about it. This was the case in August 2018, while on vacation, when I was inspired to write this sleeper of a blog “Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding”. To this day I still find the pretext funny as the situations around a wedding and possibly playing the ‘wrong’ song can go in weird places.

     

    Biggest Surprise

    birthday

    Probably the biggest surprise in the past two years of writing has been the response to two pieces I wrote about my experience selling my old car and buying a new one in Jamaica. The series is entitled “Things to consider when buying and selling a car in Jamaica” parts 1  and 2.

    The articles consistently turn up in searches in google and drives traffic to the site, so it is clear that people are buying and selling cars and now have a resource to get more information. That makes me happy, because the reason I wrote the blogs was because I couldn’t find any information about the process.

    Statement Piece

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    Because I can write about whatever I want, boldness is expected as a standard and there are a lot of avenues I could take to be bold. But I responded to a call to highlight ‘the gay agenda’ that was launched by J-Flag in February 2018. The blog entitled “Bridging the Gap: The Real Agenda” allowed me to simplify and present in my own way the perspective of LGBT Jamaica.

    What connected

    birth

    I guess we can all use some encouragement when it comes to our spending habits, specifically around Christmas time. That’s the only explanation I have for how people responded to the blog post published in December 2017 entitled “4 things you should NOT do with your December salary/bonus”.  Readers flocked to the piece which I consider tongue-in-cheek but with a few nuggets of wisdom and I appreciate that.

    As I celebrate my birthday, another trek around the sun, I’m supremely thankful for life and all the opportunities that come with it. I’ve taken this quick look back as I continue to chart my way forward. Thank you for being part of the journey, for reading, commenting, sharing and enjoying. It means a lot.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Six surefire tips to help you to read more!

    Six surefire tips to help you to read more!

    We are just over half way through 2019 and what a year it’s been. Time has gone by pretty fast and I’m realising that I have fallen slightly behind on my reading. As you may recall, in January I highlighted my Must Read Books for 2019 which consists of personal selections that I believe will help make my year better for reading them.

    Life has gotten in the way and while there are delays, I’m still pressing on, one book at a time and having fun!

    A recent speech I delivered at my Toastmasters club inspired me to consider those of you who are so caught up with life, your new year’s resolution to ‘read more’ is slipping through your fingers.

    I shared some tips to an enthusiastic audience of club members and guests who appeared to concur with my ideas about how best we can incorporate more reading into our daily lives.

    Reading maketh the …

    Lifehack.org says reading everyday can help with stress reduction, mental stimulation, memory improvement among other benefits. So beyond the idea of just reading to be considered astute, it’s actually good for our health.

    It sure helps me to escape whenever I need a fresh perspective or just to get some new information on something I didn’t know before, so imagine the wonders it can do for you!

    I remember years ago I used to see posters for the get caught reading campaign that was launched in 1999 by the Association of American Publishers. The ads usually featured a celebrity or otherwise notable person, reading a book. It was iconic and let me know that reading, just for fun, was cool (I was that guy who got genuinely excited when I heard that a book fair was being organised).

    Without further ado, here are six ways you can discover or rediscover your love for reading books or content, that is not work or school related.

    Start Simple

    The easiest way to start anything is to just begin and for many of us, consuming information online is as simple as it gets. Do you have a blog that you like to read or a magazine or newspaper website that you read on occasion?

    You may be reading more than you realize right now, if you’re like me and you read just about any interesting article you come across online.

    If your answer is yes then congrats because that reading counts as a small step toward reading even more! The key is to start where you are, so it may mean reading that free food magazine that you pick up at your favourite café or the newspaper. No need to feel ashamed because you are not yet ready to complete a 300 page novel.

    Before you know it, you will want to read more than just the information available in articles and magazines.

    Re-read a personal favourite

    People who have not read for pleasure consistently, beyond their school days, can often tell you with little asking the name of the first book they ever read cover to cover.

    If you can recall that literature book that you remember reading cover to cover and enjoying to the max, then maybe rereading it is the perfect way to get you back into the game.

    A good book is always worth rereading and what better way to ease your way into reading longer form content than by reading something familiar.

    Try out a short story collection

    Short story collections are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get and that’s the great thing! If you keep a short story anthology by your bed, you can go on a different adventure every night.

    These stories can span as little as two pages or as much as 20 and the great thing about a short story collection is you can read them in any order you wish. As the stories are not connected you don’t have to commit to reading a particular story just because it’s next in the book.

    Read books on subjects that you actually LIKE!

    There are thousands of ‘self-help’ books published each year on topics ranging from how to be your best self to building wealth. As a broad category, I don’t like self-help books, in fact, I don’t like reading them and guess what, I don’t feel any way about that and neither should you!

    I think many of us have been lead to believe that there are some books that you must read and unfortunately, more often than not, they fall in the category of self-help or motivational. I am amenable to reading books within this niche, but a very narrow segment that provides guidance through story telling or acts like a textbook.

    That’s just me however, because maybe that’s all you will be able to read and love, and that’s ok too. My point is, when you are ready to read a book of 200 pages or more, make it something that you love and truly want to read, not something you think you should, just because.

    Choosing books because of reasons other than love is one of the biggest blockers to people reading, and for the most part, we don’t even realise it. But it makes sense, if the book can’t hold your attention, then why read it?

    Get close to other readers

    If you have a friend who loves to read and is always reading, then stick close to that energy and not only will your interest in reading probably grow but you may also be inspired to model some of their behaviour. For example, a friend who always finds time to read is bound to have some useful tips to share on how you can carve out time from your busy schedule to do the same.

    Go a step further and join or form a book club, with friends, or other associates or even with new friends (strangers). Book clubs are a great way to not just hold yourself accountable when it comes to reading but they also engender camaraderie around books and the act of reading that is bound to keep you engaged and your eye on the prize. Imagine a group of people as excited about chapter 2 of a book you are reading, as you. You all you just can’t wait to have that conversation and relive the moment. Book clubs can do that and so much more. The African proverb says “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together” and a book club exemplifies this perfectly.

    Set a realistic personal reading goal and smash it!

    Making a personal reading commitment shouldn’t be a stressful undertaking. It is something fun that you want to do, at a pace that is realistic but also pushing you out of your comfort zone a little at a time.

    I set a goal of reading one book a month for 2019, even though I’m aware that I can read much more than that. Setting this goal gives me breathing room, while allowing me to focus on a core set of books.

    It’s also realistic and nothing excites me more than ticking off a personal goal once achieved.

    Here’s hoping that these tips can help you on this journey to reading more and having fun.

    Let me know some of the ways you ensure that you get your reading done!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Subscribe to the blog here  and share your content suggestions here.

    Kevin

  • Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    I have this unwritten rule when it comes to my relationships – personal, professional or otherwise:

    “The more often that someone has to tell me ‘sorry’ is the more I have to consider the merit of our relationship.”

    Experience and history has taught me that if there’s that one person in your life who always has to be apologising for something, it may be time to let them go.

    Obviously this rule isn’t absolute and I’m quite sensitive to nuance, however I am guided by this principle when it comes to people’s behaviour.

    I learned this lesson from my last serious relationship, a LONG time ago… You’re with someone who after a while needs to constantly be reassuring and apologising to you for some malfeasance, then it may be time to take a serious look at what’s really going on.

    The thing is it may not even be about the person. That person may for all intents and purposes be doing their best, within the scope of what their ‘best’ is.

    Regardless, even at your worst, their best may not be simpatico with what you need in your life.

    Password: sorry

    Professionally, the same applies. If someone is constantly messing up, to the point where they are always apologising, over time, I become less invested in that association or its credibility. It’s about trust and reliability.

    My problem with it is persons use the word sorry as a password that is loaded with expectation. Some of the common expectations are:

    “You should forget about what I did”

    “It should never ever be mentioned”

    “We should act like it never happened”

    “It’s not reasonable for you to expect this to be a lesson”

    “I’m sorry but please don’t remind me why I should do better”

    Some people will say sorry grudgingly but really don’t mean it. They only utter the word because they realize that it is the socially acceptable salve for whatever, circumstance they may have caused to occur.

    And worse still are the offenders who should apologise but never do.

    Most annoying are the persons who are willing to say sorry, over and over again, while repeating the same infraction, over and over again.

    Showing UP

    The Jamaican saying is ‘take sleep mark death’ and I take that to heart when it comes to people’s consistency.

    At the end of the day, it is about how people show up in our lives. Showing up is a term I’ve become more familiar with as I get older. It has taken on added importance, because once you’re out of school and you become an adult, people have to make a much more deliberate effort to mean anything in your life by ‘Showing Up’.

    How many times have you had that good ‘work’ friend and the moment you leave or they leave that place of employment the ‘friendship’ dies?

    The things they do and say to make their presence known in your life, are important. If that continues to be problematic, then gird your loins.

    This whole thing about showing up I’ve come to realize is also important because the people who are consistent, supportive, unwavering and real, tend to be the ones I value.

    It’s the process of knowing and appreciating these people that allows me to let those who don’t show up fall by the wayside.

    It’s all connected.

    Forgiveness

    I’m still learning to navigate forgiveness and I have grown and gotten better at managing expectations of people. Maturity has afforded me more insight on how to deal with people. I now know that it is possible to forgive but own the fact that the person is not going to hold the same place in my life.

    That is absolutely ok, if the situation necessitates it.

    Too often, in the name of forgiveness and maturity, we are forced to play the role of ‘forgive and forget’ and act like it didn’t happen.

    Accepting the imperfections of being human, I get. People won’t get it right all the time, and that’s fine. However there’s a line that needs to be drawn in the sand when you realize that people just aren’t trying anymore.

    Honesty and Communication

    You know, as hard as it may be, all this ‘saying sorry’ can largely be prevented if people choose to be open communicators and commit to honesty. It sounds simple but I realize it’s difficult, because honesty is not as easy as those “Say it with your chest” tweets would have us all believe.

    It’s uncomfortable being honest all the time, because it usually means that someone else’s feelings may get hurt. On the flip side, being honest guarantees that persons are always aware of where you are.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Moving out and Up

    Moving out and Up

    Just over a year ago I made a big step and finally moved out of my childhood home. I alluded to that change here but only now have I been able to fully digest how significant the move was.

    It is one of the best things I have ever done and continues to teach me new things about myself that living ‘at home’ could never.

    The simple act of moving out also caused seismic shifts in my life in other ways because it dramatically changed the way certain people related to me, some for the better and others for worse.

    Love Matters

    Probably the biggest benefit I have experienced so far, has been a renewal of my relationship with my Mom. Living away from her, has made me more aware of her mortality, in a way that I wasn’t before.

    I used to see my mother everyday while I was still at home but in reality, we rarely spoke, because I made it a point of duty to reside in my own little world, consumed by my own interests.

    Now, everything is different because, when I realized that I won’t be seeing her everyday it became urgent that I at least speak with her as often as I could. No week goes by that I don’t see her and even more than before, we have built-in time that we spend going out and doing things together. That, I can treasure because the degree of separation let me know that valuing her now is more important than ever.

    Designing Reality

    Who knew that designing your own space could be so exciting? Over the past year, I’ve been able to curate a collection of items that match my own taste, temperament and comfort level. Just having that level of control has been a joy in itself and it is true what they say, about pushing your own key.

    Adulting’ is even more profound now, when I realize that I am truly responsible for taking care of myself. The ability to do it well is a privilege and responsibility I cherish. Even in the midst of acquiring, I’m also learning to be minimalist, removing clutter and focusing on the things that matter most.

    Make Space

    So now that I’m on my own, I have to be mindful of the temptation to just chill and enjoy my own company all the time. I have to push myself to carve out time and activities that take me beyond the four walls of my abode. For some reason, it’s kinda difficult. I’m never lonely, so I really have to drum up the urge to get up and out of my space and do things. I’m getting a better grip of this, but for a while, I felt almost like a hermit. I joked with a friend, when I initially moved that I was nesting, but having nested I’m now more comfortable planning activities and just taking on the road with my friends. Stepping out of my literal comfort zone is as much for entertainment as it is for survival and when I don’t want to step out, I host.

    In My Zone

    The one thing you become acutely aware of when you live alone is yourself. It’s inevitable, because you will be spending a good amount of time on your own. If I was never comfortable really being alone before, then spending the past year living solo has fully converted me. The most invaluable insight though has been an appreciation of not just my own company but coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the day you are responsible for yourself. Surviving and thriving is up to you as an adult, and while there are those who love and support you, it’s your responsibility. Recognising and coming to terms with my own independence has been empowering and continues to push me forward.

    I’m happy that I had good practice taking care of myself otherwise this would’ve been a much longer post.

    How are you making the most of your ‘alone ‘time? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    I have been adrift.

    Somewhat overwhelmed by work, some aspects of life and just the cut and thrust of existing.

    There’s a fix however, that most of us have access to, if we are full time employed: Vacation days! So I decided to take some.

    Even before my vacation time had come, I made a decision quite early that I would temporarily deactivate my Instagram account.

    In my last blog post I mentioned how much of a time suck it is for me. I ended up deactivating a week before going on vacation and the expected FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) never materialized. I ended up remaining off instagram for a little over 4 weeks.

    For the Love

    It’s sometimes hard for me to adequately convey how I feel about the platform. What I know for sure, is that it can devour my time, and some content can be triggering. It doesn’t help that my work revolves around social media, so I usually have need to use the platform more often than not.

    Just to be clear, I LOVE social media.

    It’s through social media that I have been able to make meaningful and lasting connections with people who, with my otherwise introverted self, I would not have had access to. Additionally, it satisfies my insatiable need for information and with a carefully curated list of sources, I’m pretty content with what I am able to access and digest.

    There is however another side to social media that I find tiring – the performance of it all!

    Tiring as opposed to problematic, because I don’t believe that taking and sharing a picture to tell a story about something exciting happening in my life is a problem. I do find tiring, this seeming innate and pathological need to convince the world that ‘I AM OK’.

    Now this is me, I’m not even sure this is what other people feel, but I got to this point where I felt like every post needed to be a visual representation of the fact that, I’m alive, I’m thriving and having the best time of my life. That shit gets tired.

    This is not on Instagram, it’s on me.

    The smiles are never forced, and for the most part I have more good days than bad, but I started questioning this ‘obligation’ to let the world know what and when those were.

    Making it Real

    Over the past couple of years, I’ve actually started to be much more deliberate about what I decide to post on social media, and what aspects of my life I share. But unlike ‘influencers’ and Instagram famous people, who curate their timelines for aesthetics, I simply wanted to keep some things sacred.

    So in a way, I’ve flipped it. Things that I used to feel that I needed to share to allow others to know what’s going on in my life, I feel a bit more protective of, now.

    I threw off what felt almost like a chore and chose to just live and enjoy moments.

    This article written by New York Times tech columnist, Kevin Roose, brought me some eye opening perspective on phone use and how disruptive it can be if left unchecked.

    He untethered from his phone for 30 days, which allowed him to pick up new hobbies, and resulted in him reducing the amount of time he spent using his device.

    My own experience, though much less intense, allowed me to make some important observations. The most revealing, was just how little I know about the lives of my friends and former close acquaintances, even though we are connected via social media.

    Connect (ed)

    Sadly, the invasiveness of social media fools us into believing that we are plugged into the lives of our loved ones… So we know that our friend from high school is getting married, having a baby and just got a promotion.

    But social media is just a balcony with a view.

    In fact I’ll go further and say, social media access to the lives of our friends is merely a pair of binoculars. You can see everything in detail, from miles away, but you’re not really there, involved and participating.

    Being a spectator in the lives of our friends, through social media, is not the same as being involved. I came to this realization, when I didn’t have the same access to some people’s lives, without IG. It became clear, that while we are connected we aren’t truly connecting.

    Just because I have a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean that we are even having regular conversations.

    There are people I have known, who passed away and the last memory I have of connecting with them, was a photo they posted, that I liked.

    Not a call, not an in-person meet up, not even a conversation, just an ephemeral interaction on social media.

    I had to ask myself – “Was that meaningful enough?”

    It isn’t.

    Spark Joy

    Some of us (myself included) may take for granted the people in our lives because, we have virtual access to them on social media but what you see is not always the real deal.

    Because we all have that need to convince the world that we’re doing ok, based on what we post on our social media, it’s not good enough to just keep track.

    I now pursue more meaningful connections with my friends and some other acquaintances, off social media and work to be more present, in general.

    I’m also happy to report that taking a little time away from Instagram had another interesting side effect. I use the platform way less than before, now that I have returned.

    Previously, I depended on the in-app timer to alert me when I reached my 1 hour usage limit for the day. Now, I’m not even being alerted because I spend so few minutes of my day browsing.

    I feel a bit more conscious of the presence of my loved ones and I can truly treasure their presence. Even better, I’m more interested in their lives. This is what being social is truly about for me.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • My Must Read Books for 2019

    My Must Read Books for 2019

    I declared 2018 my #YearofReading and what a year it turned out to be!

    In total I read about 14 books for pleasure, thanks in no small part to the book club I was invited to join by my friend Nakeeta. It help fuel my need to read, as well as kept me accountable and gave me new found ‘appreciation’ for Memoirs.

    On a normal day, I consume reams of information from the internet, be it news stories, feature stories, long reads, technical information for work, contracts, academic literature and everything in between. Because of this non-stop reading I treasure the opportunity to read whatever else I want and therefore make it an important point of duty to consume reading material that truly brings me joy.

    I read a lot of books in 2018 but the one that I am most fond of was Brother Man by Roger Mais probably because it was the book that accompanied me on the beach while I was on vacation and the story was so well told.

    Reading as an exercise is something I consider a privilege that many of us continue to ignore because of ‘busy-ness’. It takes a high level of deliberate action on our part to do it and do it well.

    Many people I know are aspirational readers, you know, the people who become readers when they see a book that you own. You dare make the mistake and lend them your book and you’ll either never see it again, or it will take a year for it to be returned.

    Year of Reading 2.0

    book

    2018 was also bountiful in terms of the number of new books I acquired, thanks to the seemingly never ending sale held by Novelty Trading Co. from their location move exercise. A few trips and many heavily discounted books later, my collection has grown considerably. So much so that I have decided to take a four month sabbatical from my book club.

    In so doing, I’ve created a MUST READ list of books for the year. This list is a must read, as opposed to just a reading list, because, while I will be reading other books throughout the year, I endeavour to read one book from my list each month.

    Here is my list of #MustReadBooks2019

    2019 Must Read Books

    January

    book

    Becoming by Michelle Obama

    Duh!

    February

    book

    The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

    Since reading Homegoing last year, I’ve been looking forward to this book, almost as a continuation of that journey. So many stories and journeys my people endured because of slavery.

    March

    book

    The Power of Intention by Dr Wayne W. Dyer

    My older brother Pete recommended this book to me some time ago and I think it’s about time I give it a read. I’m being intentional about it this year and I will read it.

    April

    book
    The Same Earth by Kei Miller

    I can boast here that I know Kei in real life and have always been impressed by his talent. I’ve read Fear of Stones and Augustown therefore this book is catch up.

    May

    book
    Management Cases by Peter F. Drucker

    I was drawn to this book because, my life changed in a major way when people started calling me ‘Boss’ and actually meant it. Management teaches you lessons and the quicker you learn the better for you.  I’m also aware of Peter Drucker because he is so often quoted for his pronouncements on management.

    June

    book
    Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

    This book seems to be on every list of books that all black people should read. It is well regarded and considered a classic of African American literature and at just over 500 pages it’s a compact tome that I am looking forward to diving into. Quick Fact: It was the only book ever published by Ellison in his lifetime.

    July

    book
    Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

    I’ve read The Outliers, his topics and writing style continue to fascinate me, plus he’s Jamaican, easy choice.

    August

    books
    The Book of Night Women by Marlon James

    I’m reading Marlon James’ books in the order he’s written them. John Crow’s Devil was a revelation so I am looking forward to finally reading this masterpiece before turning to A Brief History.

    September

    books
    High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard

    This was a well-timed gift from Nakeeta for Christmas 2017 and I’m looking forward to internalizing the central message of this book and applying it to my life.

    October

    books
    Patsy: A Novel by Nicole Dennis-Benn

    This book won’t be released until June 2019 but considering that Here Comes the Sun was such an eye opener I want to cop this book real quick. It’s already on several most anticipated book lists for the year.

    November book

    books
    King Leopold’s Ghost by Adam Hochschild

    The history of Africa’s ruin is told by many and this book came highly recommended. King Leopold is famous enough for his atrocities in the Congo, and this book is a definitive retelling of that tale. I’m bracing myself for it.

    December

    books
    Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama

    Barack Obama is many things that inspires me and reading this exploration of his life and the intersection of race and culture is in line with other reading I’ve done on the topic.

    Follow along and help keep me accountable. Each of these books was chosen because they offer something that I expect will help me along my life’s journey. Dare I say, there’s something for everyone as it’s important for me to mix compelling storytelling with something to learn.

    Let’s make it a great year for reading together and share in the comments some of your #MustReadBooks2019 .

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Subscribe to the blog here  and share your content suggestions here.

    Kevin

  • Letting Go of the Need to Know

    Letting Go of the Need to Know

    It has taken me a long time to learn an important lesson about life and relationships. It is the fact that I do not need to understand or ‘figure out’ why people treat me a certain way.

    I know there’s a popular saying that goes “it’s none of my business what other people think of me,” but I’ve come to realize the value in getting rid of not just the need to know, but the why behind it all.

    There is so much to gain from not having the need to know why people treat you a certain way, especially when it is negative.

    For example, I remember a time when a relationship I was in ended. I was in a lot of pain as I attempted to process everything about the situation. More stressful however, were my attempts to try and figure out why the other person did what they did to hurt me and how they felt about me.

    I became a slave to my ‘need’ for this knowledge, holding it like a warm coal to keep me going, or so I thought. But what I was really doing was placing a burden on myself by trying to discover something that could neither help me nor change what had already happened.

    Can you imagine thinking that knowing why someone ‘broke your heart’ would free you? Yes, it took me a minute.

    Another instance was when a long time ‘friend’ slowly drifted away. They stopped communicating with me, acted like I was the one who made the 180 degree move and went silent, when all I did was follow their lead.

    For years I racked my brain trying figure out what changed? What did I do? What expectation did I not live up to?

    I was hurt.

    It gets Better

    In both situations I was at the mercy of this supposed obligation on my part. Trying to figure out people’s motivation, like a private eye and lawyers piecing together a murder mystery to ascertain motive. But all that was burdensome and simply made me sad.

    So over time I realized that it was fruitless and counterproductive.

    Knowing would not help me anyway and was needlessly tying me to people who really couldn’t care less about me.

    The decision therefore was for me to let go and free myself from this need.

     

     

    Almost instantly I realized the freedom there was, in not having to know why a person treated me a certain way.

    After having a quiet conversation with my ego I also acknowledged that rejection in any form is painful, but it’s also complete, no follow up answer necessary.

    I didn’t need an explanation of the other person’s ‘why’ to move on with my life. In fact, the sooner I let go of that notion, the quicker my freedom will come. Sure, the questions may linger at the back of my mind, but I refuse to be burdened by the need to know.

    Many of us fall into the trap when mourning relationships of trying to figure out the ‘why’ of it all – “why did this person choose to push me aside why does this person treat me a certain way?”

    But this gets us nowhere because it doesn’t change the reality of the rejection and it doesn’t free us from the memory of that hurt. So then what?

    It’s simply not wise to belabour the point.

     Much Better

    The other side of this coin has made my life so much more glorious!

    Listen, when people choose to walk away, I don’t even ask two times why and I refuse to worry about it.

    I’m good. Do you boo!

    If excommunicating me from your life is a positive life decision for you, I don’t need to be told twice. *peace*

    In the same vein, if people treat me a certain way, I am not trying to be their therapist. If it is too much for me to handle, then I’ll handle accordingly. Life’s too short trying to always question why people make certain uncomfortable decisions.

    I recognised just how powerful this stance is when I had to caution my closest friend on many occasions. She was always trying to figure out the thinking behind her tormentor’s motivations.

    “How could they think and behave the way they do?”

    I was always there to reminder her: “That’s not your concern and should not get in the way of your healing and progress, so keep it moving.”

    This was not her battle nor was it beneficial to her, attempting to know that. We live, we learn.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How to be a Better Person 101

    How to be a Better Person 101

    Sometimes I get all hot and bothered about how terrible people can be, in every sphere of life. It simply amazes me how selfish and garbage we are to each other, in daily life. For many of us, we get to witness the ‘joy’ that is humanity at the place we spend most of our time – work or in traffic.

    We’ve been led to believe that being a good person is as easy as putting on a happy face and saying good morning to every person you encounter in the morning.

    But real life isn’t as simple, because while, being a good person is largely self-determined, managing how we react and respond to others around us, is not quite the same.

    I have a bunch of pet peeves about how we treat each other and there are some simple things that we all can choose to do, as a personal standard, across all spheres of our lives, to be better people.

    I have my own weaknesses and I acknowledge that I am a work in progress, may this be as valuable for me as it is for you.

    Stop breaking your own heart

    How do we break our own hearts you may ask? By breaking the promises we make to ourselves, for ourselves; by not doing things that enrich our lives; by using our valuable time doing things that break us down instead of building us up. There is so much harm that we do to our own person every day. And it seems easy to disregard because it is internal but it’s important. Too often we don’t realize that the journey to being a better person for others begins with us being good to ourselves.

    Figure out Loyalty and be Loyal

    The world considers loyalty a gift that keeps on giving, in fact Confucius said “Be loyal and trustworthy. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than yourself in this regard.” But don’t assume that it’s something that you will know automatically. We all have to figure out what it means to us because, this will determine how we relate that understanding to our relationships with others.

    Talk Truth

    So easy to say, yet, seemingly so hard to do! The lies you tell to yourself, your mama, your best friend, your boss. But if you make a commitment to put a premium on being honest in your life, then it shouldn’t be a problem. This includes dealing with the consequences of telling lies. And half-truths or lying by omission technically don’t count as being truthful. We muddy the waters of our lives by being dishonest. Ripples from lies go far, even when we think there are no consequences.

    Stop wasting people’s time

    You read right. Stop wasting people’s time in all the ways that you do. If you are not interested, let them know. If you don’t want them, let them know. If they can’t fit into your life, let them know. What you shouldn’t be doing is dragging people along when you really have little or no interest in even considering them a valued part of your life.

    Be on time

    Contrary to popular belief, punctuality gives you so much power over a situation. Just imagine having a reputation that is centred on the fact that you are always on time. So for one, you will not be the person who usually waste’s people’s time, but you may even earn the label ‘dependable’.  That counts for much in certain aspects of our lives. Punctuality, just like being well dressed, is a gift that you give to others.

    Add Value

    In your every action and word, are you being a change maker? Can anyone truly say that you add value to their lives? We don’t often look at our lives in this way, but if we all consider that our time is finite, then every moment we have is currency. This currency, we get to decide how and with whom to spend. So how are you adding value with your time and energy? I try to add value to the lives of those I love and share my time with. Lately I’ve realized that I not only have something to say, but I can probably teach others a thing or two as well, my way of adding value, somehow.

    Stop Judging People…

    We make judgements about people based on so many different factors, but really is it worth it? I think I’ve matured a bit because this is something I have to deal with and manage as well. Because, my own judgement and perception of people can sometimes be self-limiting and prevents me from being open to the idiosyncrasies of different people. I’m re-learning how to deal with other people from a distant by simply observing. That’s my strategy though and it keeps me centred and less ‘judgy’.

    Take IG Breaks

    Social media is fun and a great outlet for expression but sometimes, in order to help us be our best selves, it’s a good idea to let go of its tethers. But it isn’t a bad thing to take a quick break from your social media sometimes, specifically, IG. After being force fed a curated visual representation of someone else’s life over a period of time, it’s almost inevitable that some of us will start sizing ourselves up and compare. It’s not worth it. Take a break if and whenever you need to focus on yourself and just thrive in your own aura.

    better person

    This is a not panacea or even specifically advice just my way of being less of a trash person. It takes work, but we can do it.

    What are some of the things you are doing to be a better person?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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