Kevin O'Bryan

Category: Observations

  • Important Lessons I’ve learned being a Manager

    Important Lessons I’ve learned being a Manager

    I recently completed a course at work titled 10 Steps to Becoming a Successful Manager. I feel that it was timely because, so often we are thrust into these roles without much guidance therefore I entered the experience with openness and a willingness to learn.
    For just over 5 years I have been charged with managing people, one of the single most difficult assignments I have ever had to take on in my professional career. Prior to this, the only person I had to regulate and be responsible for was myself, so imagine a world where I had to now manage expectations both internal and external to my team and most importantly, myself.
    Every time I dared forget that each member of my team was now, in some way a representation of my own work ethic and reputation, I was violently reminded, even if, technically, this was not absolutely accurate.
    Critiques, judgement and the gaze of those on the outside never tend to fall on the side of nuance or understanding minor details or even the truth. They usually play to a more general sentiment. And so as a leader you learn that what is unseen and unsaid, is often summed up by your stewardship.

    Getting Situated as a Manager

    I have observed that over the years, that through personal growth and maturity, my people-pleasing tendencies, have decreased significantly. However there is a certain level of proselytising  that is assumed of anyone who becomes a new boss to a team, that is seemingly sizing you up and deciding if you are worthy of respect.
    For my part I have learned to set boundaries for myself and model my own style of management on best practice I have experienced of leaders in my own life. But regardless of how you begin the journey, at some point you will have to decide if you are willing to sacrifice likeability for follow through. It’s not always an easy balance because, being authentic and choosing to do the right thing, as a leader, will not always be popular.
    With that said, here are some of the most invaluable lessons I have learned so far about managing people.

    It can be Thankless but Rewarding

    One of the first things that you recognise about this role of leading others is that for the most part it is a thankless job. This is in part due to the typical structure of professional relationships where one person is placed ‘in charge’ and now has to navigate and mediate the needs of both upper leadership, and those who report to you.
    This doesn’t even have to describe a contentious or fractious environment. The sooner you are able to recognise that accolades may not be quick to come from either side, the better.

    Despite this glum outlook, the rewards of hard work and persistence will come. Whether through small changes in the output of those you lead or cohesive teamwork when it counts, these are the positive sparks that make it worth it! Finally, patience is an important trait in this regard.

    Empathy flows in one direction (Kinda)

    During the second chapter of my aforementioned training course, we focused on working well with others. A segment of that session featured this interview with Simon Sinek which touched on empathy. As a manager of people, I am often called upon to look within and empathise with those I work with. It helps to understand their perspectives, motivations, challenges and thought processes, even in post mortem. The most important skill I have honed and practiced on this journey is communication, because most if not all breakdowns begin with a lack of communication. So through that process, I am better able to empathise but more importantly, manage expectations.
    Unfortunately, under most circumstances, empathy is only expected to flow in one direction and let’s be real – Who is out here trying to be in their boss’s shoes?
    It can be a vindication when it does happen, however fleeting those moments are. The reality is some people remain willfully blind to the pressures and demands that drive you, to drive them. And more often than not, it’s a case of see no evil, hear no evil.

    You’re a Manager not a Parent

    If as a people manager you feel as though you are being positioned as a parent figure by your subordinates, then you should definitely interrogate how you approach your stewardship.

    Because, while there is some amount of palpable parental instinct that may come into play when dealing with your charges, it should never extend to the more toxic aspects of the role that often results in breakdowns and detrimental challenges.

    So, there will be an instinct to protect your team but perish the thought if you ever think you should shield them from every challenge that may roll around. That is out of your control and not your job, because it’s simply not doable. I’m personally of the view that some people model their behaviour towards leadership in the working world, on their relationships with their parents, in some cases. This is somewhat related to the phenomenon of transference but goes a bit beyond it.

    Persons will feel the need to utilize tactics often reserved for their parents in dealing with challenges that arise with the person they report to. Think, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, rudeness, duplicitousness and other such indignities.

    Consistency is vital

    Adapting to changing circumstances is of course expected, especially in the fast paced world we live in. But while being flexible with change is pretty standard, commitment to being consistent with your words actions and principles is also important.
    I am proud of the fact that whether impressions of me are bad, fair or fine, they will at least reveal a level of consistency that grounds how I navigate my professional space. When you are consistent, being held accountable is never a problem because there is no contradiction of your actions or even motivations.
    Having consistent principles also provides some amount of guidance to those you lead because they will at least have a sense of your baseline and what makes you tick.

    A community for support is a Lifeline

    The most enduring element of my experience has been the support from my community of colleagues, friends and allies who have been a source of strength as I continue to grow in my leadership role and as a person.
    You will need folks who will keep it 100 with you while providing a listening ear when you have to process some of the more difficult moments that often roll around because of ‘the work’.
    Community also helps to provide perspective, a bit of mentorship and even coaching when needed. It is a vital support system that will help to keep you centred when everything around you seems out of balance.

    Do the Work!

    By do the work, I’m not referring to just the day job, but the internal work needed to maintain your mental health and your fortitude to deal with the busy (ness) of work life and managing others.
    Additionally, your physical health cannot be the weakest link because everything it is the foundation of every other aspect of your life. For me that has been running and going to the gym, but lately that also includes therapy to better understand ‘me’. We can’t give to the world from an empty cup so it is acutely important to safeguard our source.
    But even as I unpack explore the self-work required to be better and more grounded to deal with the job, I also want to highlight the fact that it goes hand in hand with striving for excellence in the work you do day-to-day. Being that exemplar of the standard you want to see in your team never hurts because your energy and work ethic can also set the pace for them.

    These are my takeaways, my insights about an aspect of my life in leadership that I continue to learn about.

    Let me know in the comments if you have any learnings of your own.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Subscribe to the blog here  and share your content suggestions here.

    Kevin

  • Navigating the new normal: Burnout at work

    Navigating the new normal: Burnout at work

    The best time of year for me, other than vacation, is the last week of December and the first week of January. It’s normal for me to work during these two weeks because they are a gift in disguise.

    This is usually a sweet spot in the work year, when because of the holiday period, vacations and the general transition from old year projects to new year projects, it’s typically a quieter time. This slower pace allows me to get previously forsaken projects done, paperwork sorted and honestly, gives me a moment to simply refocus and recalibrate as I get ready for the upcoming year of activities.

    The flip side to this sweet spot is literally every other day of the year when it is go, go, GO!

    Let me begin by saying that I do not have the unrealistic expectation for the pace to always be slow, because work is nuanced. There will be busy periods, with some busier than most, however an insidious aspect of this new, pandemic driven world is the need for us to be operating at 110%, all the time, non-stop.

     The Great Resignation: New normal?

    If you’ve been paying any attention to current affairs over the past 4 months at least, you would’ve probably heard about the Great Resignation which describes the large swathes of workers in the US who are resigning their jobs for various reasons, foremost of which is a need to recalibrate their lives for the post pandemic future.

    Workers are leaving their jobs because some have come to the realization that they can get new jobs with better pay, better working conditions, and most importantly, more control over how they balance their work and life.

    This article actually explores in even more detail some of the considerations driving persons to leave, formerly ‘ok’ occupations.

    They are trading jobs and work place cultures that tell them ‘you have to work yourself to the point of burnout as a matter of course’ and that that is normal, for more favourable opportunities. In 2022 and beyond, people will be seeking jobs that allow them the dignity of making an honest living but also occupations that allow them to have a full life that prioritizes other things, except work.

    Free to BE

    And guess what? Employees do not what to be made to feel selfish or guilty because they choose their mental health and wellbeing over the constant strain of sometimes, thankless jobs.

    It is normal and OK to want a job that pays a decent salary with a fair amount of work as opposed to an all-consuming grind that is perpetually in emergency mode and that you are expected to be ‘grateful’ for, just because it exists.

    While some people have chosen to leave, there are millions of others who are still plodding along and being productive in their current roles. They continue to weather the changing ebbs and flow of hard deadlines and evolving challenges to their work life, brought on by the pandemic and other emerging factors

    There is in fact a mentality that would rather people shut up, work and be thankful for a job, regardless of the conditions. Now, with more options and a plethora of opportunities, people will be more willing to walk away. Meanwhile, the disengagement and attrition will continue.

    Hard work, More work

    normal

    The unfortunate and oft used statement that the “reward for good work is more work” is coming back to bite many who previously uttered both as a compliment and warning. Workers now see it for what it truly is: the makings of an unhealthy cycle that traps some of the best employees into a never-ending loop of overwork that can seldom be assuaged by monetary reward.

    And to be clear, persons who choose not to work to the point of burnout are no less dedicated, efficient or ambitious than anyone else and therefore shouldn’t be demonized because of it.

    Not everyone will choose to become entrepreneurs so there will always be a segment of our population that is willing to be employed. It’s therefore only fair that this work life provides adequate space for life beyond but also life within the job.

     At a Cross Roadsnormal

    The pandemic has forced many of us to reconsider what is important and the time may come in the not too distant future for us to assess the toll being taken on our minds and bodies, in order to make a living.

    While we ponder, we need to identify cycles and triggers in our work life which could be contributing to potential burnout.

    Knowing is half the battle, addressing it head on will help to make a difference.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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    Kevin

  • When Life Gives you Limes…

    When Life Gives you Limes…

    By a certain age we all eventually realize that life is a cycle of actions, reactions and consequences. It also becomes crystal clear that there will be moments when we are on top of a mountain, taking in the fresh air and enjoying the fantastic view. Other times, we’re stuck deep inside a ravine, strapped inside the badly damaged SUV we call our lives.

    It isn’t always cute or pain-free but we soldier through because, it’s worth it!

    Thankfully, through these repeated hills and valleys, high and lows, we humans have developed effective and sometimes unhealthy coping mechanisms that help us to deal with trauma and general shocks.

    Corona Time

    The world is collectively going through one of those shocks at this very moment of my writing this piece. COVID-19  is ravaging sections of the world and has caused levels of upheaval in normal, modern life, only seen during the worst natural disasters and in the previous century, during a World War.

    Through it all one of the most consistent elements of the unfolding crisis has been the flow of information from every possible source. From the constant stream of consciousness that is Twitter, to cable news channels, press conferences, and just people generally spreading misinformation and conspiracies via whatsapp (never gets old!).

    I have been particularly intrigued by the dual role authorities have to play in dealing with such a crisis. Sharing pertinent information to citizens of the country while remaining calm, and reassuring everyone that everything will be, ok?

    Crisis Best Practice

    I want to believe that every student of public relations or communications, such as myself have at least come across the seminal case of the Tylenol Poisoning spree of 1982. The unsolved case, which unfolded with the death of 7 people, saw bottles of Tylenol pain killer being laced with cyanide, placed on store shelves and sold to unsuspecting customers. In it’s aftermath, major changes were made to how over-the-counter drugs were packaged, labelled and handled.

    The case became a masterclass in best practice for Public Relations however, due to the immediacy and forthrightness of the response from the leadership of Johnson & Johnson, the parent company of the brand.

    I immediately saw the hallmarks of that case and juxtaposed them with how the current pandemic is being handled.

    Fact is some officials/countries have been doing well and others… not so much. Somewhere in the middle of it all I have been able to see how even these big decisions can be useful to my own life. When it comes to crisis management, dealing with it is no different when you are a country, a large company or a person.

    My insights…

    Be honest … the first time

     

    Your life is a mess, you are in too much debt, your relationship isn’t working out and even worse, you hate your job. One way to deal with these crises is to completely ignore them or choose to be consoled by false facts. Whatever the excuse, if it prevents you from reaching the correct conclusion about your life and circumstance, it won’t help you.

    The moment you start telling the truth about your crises to yourself (and probably your therapist) you will be closer to your breakthrough. The resolution to every major crisis begins with openness and honesty, the first time. Everything else is a non-starter. It’s also important to ensure that your stakeholder(s) are  aware of the crisis. Those closest to you, who you consider dearer than just family may be those important parts of your support system who will be there for you during that crisis. Their support and confidence can be lifesaving.

    Know the problem

     

    Struggles come in all shapes and sizes, it helps if you can identify the one that is affecting your life so that you can address it with urgency. At the level of a large organisation, it will be necessary to ascertain what the crisis is, its root cause and gather as much details as possible about its depth and ramifications. Only by fully understanding the issue, can you be able to even begin to address it.

     Think Solutions

     

    If you’re focusing on the solutions, then maybe, just maybe, you will have less attention to spare for the crisis at hand. Attention a.k.a. ‘worry’ saps your energy and is not useful. Being solution-oriented during a crisis is pivotal, especially as it helps to refocus your energies towards identifying a positive outcome.  Finding a solution to the main problem, putting it into action and arriving at a resolution in the quickest possible time can be the difference between a short term hiccup and long term, permanent damage to reputation and bottom line.

    Chaos is a Ladder

     

    It may seem rather Machiavellian, but consider this – there are people living through this troubled time in history and even now, they are finding opportunities that will serve their lives well, when it is over. In fact it was Machiavelli who said “Never waste the opportunity offered by a good crisis.”

    As scary as the crisis and emergency may be, steal yourself a moment to consider and identify new avenues for exploration. It could be directly related to the problem at hand, or another solution that emerges. At the more granular and personal level, there are  things we ignore in the normal cut and thrust of life, that we should pay more attention to, during a crisis. For example, it was during the Great Plague of London between 1665 and 1666 that Sir Isaac Newton was able to produce the foundation of some of his greatest work.

     Lessons Learned

     

    Finally, know that the reckoning for every crisis will come and during that period it will be necessary to consider the lessons learned. One of the greatest failures we make from crises of all kind is to ignore the important lessons. Noting things that went wrong and how these could’ve been prevented, helps greatly. The old adage about learning from mistakes in order to not repeat them is true. Note them, write them down, record them and take corrective actions for the future. This is the only fool proof way of moving on from a crisis for the better, otherwise it would have all been for naught. The world will learn a lot from the current global crisis and the changes to come will likely alter the course of human existence for a long time.

    We are currently in crisis mode but that will end, eventually and if we’re lucky enough to make it out un-phased we will have stories to tell and lessons to learn. In the meantime, make that lemonade and have your fill.

    crisis

    Let me know in the comments how you handle crises.
    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • No, You’re not weird if you like doing stuff alone!

    No, You’re not weird if you like doing stuff alone!

    Alone and Loving it

    Society and the world would have you believe that you are out of place and somehow don’t fit in, if you choose to navigate certain spaces alone.

    So ingrained has this idea become for many of us, the thought of going to a movie on your own scares many people, because it is simply NOT done. I will go further to say that society looks down on doing certain things on your own to the point where, even hotels charge you more when you book a room as an individual and while that may be more down to economics, it reinforces an idea that doing anything ‘alone’ is supposed to be an anomaly.

    Growing Up

    When I was younger it was actually easier to move through the world alone. It was unquestioned as no one naturally expected that I should have a gaggle of friends around me at all times.

    At other times, I was in the presence of an adult carer, so it never occurred to me how important the world deemed it to see me in the company of others.

    But once you start to mature, being alone becomes a liability, in fact as a teenager I was expected to have a friend group beyond school that I could ‘hang out with’.

    Growing up in a household where I was an only child ran counter to this idea though. I learned how to entertain myself with reading, playing, talking with my Mom and once I discovered TV, it was all over, I didn’t need another soul.

    That said, while I do have some anxiety moving through some spaces and places alone, for the most part I’m fine with doing certain things by myself without feeling like something is wrong with me.

    Being an introvert can be a good or bad thing in this regard but that’s another story.

    How quaint…

    I get tickled when people muse about things they are ‘afraid’ to do alone because I feel like we are denying ourselves an experience, simply because someone else is not there, as if by ourselves, we are not enough (did that go too deep?).

    alone

    In general I never want to feel like I am at the mercy of someone else’s interest level, schedule or budget to go somewhere. When I want to go somewhere, why should I let another person’s unavailability or situation prevent me?

    Found myself getting caught in that trap too often before I started to ‘man up’ up and just go to places I really wanted to, alone.

    Want to go see that movie? – GO

    Feel like checking out that bar to have a drink but have no one to go with? – GO

    Feel like spending the day at the beach? – GO

    Doing it alone, even once doesn’t mean that you are an outcast, or even worse, that something is wrong with you.

    I think the biggest thing to get over, was the fear of how other people would regard me being alone in a space where I am surrounded by couples or even groups. The big thing I’ve discovered? For the most part people don’t care and in fact, they’re not paying any attention to me.

    No Problem

    There can be a lot of anxiety and while I’m not calling myself a hero, it does take some bravery to step out on your own and just be, without worrying about being alone. It’s now considered a novelty, a thing to celebrate when persons do something ‘ground breaking’ by dining out alone and that’s ok (baby steps for some peeps).

    It shouldn’t have to be that way but it is.

    We should feel our whole, true selves spending time alone, doing whatever it is that we love, guilt free, no issues.

    We are fine, we are complete, we stand alone if and whenever we choose and when we don’t feel like doing it alone, we do it with others.

    Think my next big thing to conquer is going to a medium sized party on my own and seeing where that leads…

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    How a one month break from Instagram shifted my focus

    I have been adrift.

    Somewhat overwhelmed by work, some aspects of life and just the cut and thrust of existing.

    There’s a fix however, that most of us have access to, if we are full time employed: Vacation days! So I decided to take some.

    Even before my vacation time had come, I made a decision quite early that I would temporarily deactivate my Instagram account.

    In my last blog post I mentioned how much of a time suck it is for me. I ended up deactivating a week before going on vacation and the expected FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) never materialized. I ended up remaining off instagram for a little over 4 weeks.

    For the Love

    It’s sometimes hard for me to adequately convey how I feel about the platform. What I know for sure, is that it can devour my time, and some content can be triggering. It doesn’t help that my work revolves around social media, so I usually have need to use the platform more often than not.

    Just to be clear, I LOVE social media.

    It’s through social media that I have been able to make meaningful and lasting connections with people who, with my otherwise introverted self, I would not have had access to. Additionally, it satisfies my insatiable need for information and with a carefully curated list of sources, I’m pretty content with what I am able to access and digest.

    There is however another side to social media that I find tiring – the performance of it all!

    Tiring as opposed to problematic, because I don’t believe that taking and sharing a picture to tell a story about something exciting happening in my life is a problem. I do find tiring, this seeming innate and pathological need to convince the world that ‘I AM OK’.

    Now this is me, I’m not even sure this is what other people feel, but I got to this point where I felt like every post needed to be a visual representation of the fact that, I’m alive, I’m thriving and having the best time of my life. That shit gets tired.

    This is not on Instagram, it’s on me.

    The smiles are never forced, and for the most part I have more good days than bad, but I started questioning this ‘obligation’ to let the world know what and when those were.

    Making it Real

    Over the past couple of years, I’ve actually started to be much more deliberate about what I decide to post on social media, and what aspects of my life I share. But unlike ‘influencers’ and Instagram famous people, who curate their timelines for aesthetics, I simply wanted to keep some things sacred.

    So in a way, I’ve flipped it. Things that I used to feel that I needed to share to allow others to know what’s going on in my life, I feel a bit more protective of, now.

    I threw off what felt almost like a chore and chose to just live and enjoy moments.

    This article written by New York Times tech columnist, Kevin Roose, brought me some eye opening perspective on phone use and how disruptive it can be if left unchecked.

    He untethered from his phone for 30 days, which allowed him to pick up new hobbies, and resulted in him reducing the amount of time he spent using his device.

    My own experience, though much less intense, allowed me to make some important observations. The most revealing, was just how little I know about the lives of my friends and former close acquaintances, even though we are connected via social media.

    Connect (ed)

    Sadly, the invasiveness of social media fools us into believing that we are plugged into the lives of our loved ones… So we know that our friend from high school is getting married, having a baby and just got a promotion.

    But social media is just a balcony with a view.

    In fact I’ll go further and say, social media access to the lives of our friends is merely a pair of binoculars. You can see everything in detail, from miles away, but you’re not really there, involved and participating.

    Being a spectator in the lives of our friends, through social media, is not the same as being involved. I came to this realization, when I didn’t have the same access to some people’s lives, without IG. It became clear, that while we are connected we aren’t truly connecting.

    Just because I have a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean that we are even having regular conversations.

    There are people I have known, who passed away and the last memory I have of connecting with them, was a photo they posted, that I liked.

    Not a call, not an in-person meet up, not even a conversation, just an ephemeral interaction on social media.

    I had to ask myself – “Was that meaningful enough?”

    It isn’t.

    Spark Joy

    Some of us (myself included) may take for granted the people in our lives because, we have virtual access to them on social media but what you see is not always the real deal.

    Because we all have that need to convince the world that we’re doing ok, based on what we post on our social media, it’s not good enough to just keep track.

    I now pursue more meaningful connections with my friends and some other acquaintances, off social media and work to be more present, in general.

    I’m also happy to report that taking a little time away from Instagram had another interesting side effect. I use the platform way less than before, now that I have returned.

    Previously, I depended on the in-app timer to alert me when I reached my 1 hour usage limit for the day. Now, I’m not even being alerted because I spend so few minutes of my day browsing.

    I feel a bit more conscious of the presence of my loved ones and I can truly treasure their presence. Even better, I’m more interested in their lives. This is what being social is truly about for me.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    Five songs to NEVER play at a wedding

    If you know me personally, you are very aware that I love a good laugh and my sense of humour is always ready to be tickled. With that preamble there should be no surprise about the context of this blog. Different fragments of this idea have been tumbling around in my head for a while, so here goes.

    I was recently, relaxing on a beach where there happened to be a wedding underway. I was in ear shot, so I could hear the ceremony begin with the familiar strains of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March.

    Once that was over I assumed that the official part of the ceremony had begun. Soon after I heard one of my favourite Stevie Wonder tunes begin to play: ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’. I thought to myself, that’s as appropriate a song as any for the DJ to play at that exact moment.

    And after hearing that it occurred to me, suppose the DJ had chosen to play the wrong song(s) on this very special occasion?

    A wedding is such a precious memory for the happy couple but you best believe that there are a few things that can ruin it – drunken guests, exes, quarreling family members and most importantly, questionable  musical selections.

    I have jokingly considered some of the most inappropriate songs to be either played by a DJ, dedicated or used as a toast by a guest or generally be heard anywhere near a wedding ceremony. So in no particular order, here are my top 5 worst songs to play at a wedding and some alternatives, because hey, I got your back #nojoke. Be guided and thank me later.

    Wedding No No: As We Lay – Kelly Price

    I love this song!  Kelly Price’s remake of this Shirley Murdoch original was a new classic when she covered it in 2000. Beautiful arrangement and singing cannot however hide the fact that this song is about a woman pining over another woman’s husband, with whom she has previously spent the night with.

    It’s worth mentioning that a few years ago, Kelly was invited to an event organised by a church to perform some of her hits. However, due to a timing issue her performance was pushed up too close to the beginning of the church’s main convention event. Let’s just say, it made headlines, and they weren’t pretty. What’s even worse, As we Lay was one of the songs that she performed. It sounds good and could probably be perfect for an intimate dance, but not at a wedding, unless you are really trying to be super MESSY.  Save yourself the embarrassment or bruises and go with my suggested alternative: Why I Love You by MAJOR.

    Wedding No No: If Walls Could Talk – Celine Dion

    I remember the first time I encountered this song. It was in 1999 when Celine released her ‘All the Way’ album. I love it for a number of reasons such as the fact that it was produced by Robert ‘Mutt’ Lange, ex-husband of Shania Twain plus, Shania did some of the backup on the track.

    The song is sensual, perfectly arranged and sets the tone for so much romance. So no wonder it is a popular tune at strip joints and go-go clubs in Jamaica, which is funny because it was never a single, so DJs at these clubs must’ve really loved it, thus solidifying its popularity. All that being said, let’s lower the temperature at the wedding a tad bit and leave this off the playlist, at least, during the early part of the reception. Keep it safe and accessible and suggest the DJ play another Celine fave: Because you Loved me.

    Wedding No No: Ordinary People – John Legend

    Alright, weddings are deep and emotionally, they rank pretty high as life events. But is the ceremony the place to dig up all that ‘real’ drama? It is supposed to be a fantasy that will  make not only an indelible impression on guests, but give the married couple something wonderful to remember for years to come (hopefully). That said, reminding that they are ordinary people “who just need to take it slow” is NOT goals’.  Cut to the chase and make an appropriate dedication with John’s other tune: All of me. 

    I know I’m not the only one – Sam Smith

    So, my admission, I loved Sam Smith’s first album and the songs he wrote and performed so ably during that era. However, his repertoire leaves much to be desired when it comes to visions of matrimonial bliss.  Here-to-fore, it would be highly inappropriate for anyone attending a wedding or otherwise involved to either perform or dedicate this song to the happy couple. I don’t care if you love it. Sadly, it’s slim pickings from Sam, because he hasn’t quite mastered presenting stable relationships in his music just yet. That said, if you must have a Sam Smith song played, choose: Latch (Acoustic). 

     

    Ready For Love – India Arie

    India Arie has a song for every mood. For the generation who may have missed her emergence and glory days, do a youtube search for “Strength, Courage and Wisdom” (you’re welcome). She has a number of ballads and has always been able to capture some of those vulnerable aspects of relationships and love that, otherwise don’t get featured in popular music (Just check this tune).

    Now, Ready for Love would seem like a perfect complement to any wedding, however check the lyrics and you’ll realize that it speaks to a place on the journey of love that the newlyweds should be past. I would hope that I am more than ready for love on my wedding day, but maybe that’s just me. She has a beautiful alternative in this song: Can I walk with you. 

    Tell me some of your wedding song no-no’s and must haves in the comments section!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

    Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

     

    Email writing etiquette in the professional environment is very important. It could mean the difference between making a lifelong work friend or making an enemy forever that could realistically, lead to your dismissal. Many people completely misconstrue the purpose of emails that are sent in the corporate setting and I believe this causes confusion.

    Growing up I remember specifically when I was in primary school or maybe High School I went through different classes where I was taught how to write a business letter and one of the most significant things I can recall is that a business letter is always to the point and completely factual. No overly saccharine greetings and pleasantries necessary, you just get to the point and say what you needed to say.

    However it seems that nowadays there is no middle ground between being polite and businesslike on one end of the spectrum and being completely rude on the other.

    It’s as if it is less about business and more about personalities.

    So, if I write an email that is to the point I’m considered rude, without even trying. I am not saying that writing an email for work has to be cold and austere however there should be a clear balance between cordial and informative, after all, that is the point, right?

    All that said, I want to share with you all some pointers on how not to rattle the apple cart at work, when it comes to communicating via email.

    Don’t Take it personal (all the time)

    One of the things that I definitely think I may need to tell myself is not to read too much into what people write in work emails.  Why? Because sometimes the writers are completely oblivious to the fact that the way they have expressed themselves in an email is rude and condescending.

     

     

    These are usually the worst offenders because they are also the most confident. That said, it doesn’t mean that you should not call people out on their bad emails, especially if there is a pattern. Just because there are people who do not know that their method is flawed, doesn’t mean there aren’t those who deliberately write and share problematic messages. Know the difference and respond accordingly.

     

    Miss me with the ‘Kindly’

    Adding kindly to an email does not make it kinder, more pleasant or friendly!

    I remember years ago reading an eye opening tip from my respected colleague and friend, Marie Berbick, about using the word kindly and the fact that it can be misconstrued as being rude and condescending and ever since I’ve been sensitive about using the word. In fact I judge people who use kindly as much as, if not more than I judge persons who have a weak handshake (don’t judge me).

     

    Try not to use the word kindly in fact you don’t need to use it at all in your email. When making a request, adding ‘kindly’ won’t actually make it easier to swallow. Sadly, most people when sending requests for action, add the word, not realizing how demanding they appear, instead of nice as they intended.

    Bad idea: ‘As per my last email…’

    The famous ‘as per my last email’ is not only unnecessary but it’s very aggressive. Now I understand if you’re writing to a lender, someone who owes you money or even someone who is holding up your business and stressing you out but is it really necessary for an email to a colleague?

     

    The milder version of this, ‘as per our discussion’ is a bit more palatable because it is actually factual. It acknowledges that “a discussion was had and we’re just bringing it to the email world”  thereby providing context and there’s an understanding that we are communicating on this subject. Somehow it feels a bit less agreesive than ‘as per my last email’, for some reason.

    But reminding me that you had sent an email previously is not absolutely necessary, and for the most part is an aggravation.

    Cc me Not!

    In many work environments it is considered the highest form of aggression when you copy not only a person’s manager but every other person in their department on an email. Why? because you are saying “hey I’m escalating this but I still want you to be a part of it” or “I’m trying to shame you because this is my opportunity to show you up.”

     

    Now, it is sometimes necessary to copy additional people on an email, but must it be done in an attempt to speed up a process? Does it usually work?  It can be an effective ‘tool’ but you must know when and how to use it in getting your job done.

    The ‘Reply All’ Queens

    This one personally ticks me off all the time and it goes beyond the professional world. Imagine, there are 30 people who have been copied on an email. The message doesn’t require every member of the group to respond to confirm anything it really was just an FYI. However there is always that one person who chooses to respond with something like “thank you” or “noted” and not only do they respond like that to the person who sent it they ‘reply all’. The ‘reply all’ button is your enemy use it sparingly, if ever.

    (Don’t) Call Me

    Unless it’s an extremely important emergency, then calling me to confirm that I received your email is not absolutely necessary or cute.  It’s actually super annoying and there is a level of control that you’re trying exert over me because you expect that your email deserves immediate attention. I mean, of course I have nothing else to do so why wouldn’t I just action your request a few seconds after you sent your email?

     

    Many of the issues around email etiquette can be solved with one simple solution: READING!
    The reality is many of us don’t actually read and comprehend the messages that we receive and therefore we don’t adequately equip ourselves to properly respond. It’s not easy because not everyone is confident in expressing themselves in writing, but it comes with the territory.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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