Kevin O'Bryan

Category: Eye Opener

  • Know Thyself

    Know Thyself

    Sometime ago I was at home, having a mind muse when the thought “Know Thyself” popped into my mind. It was like fate inserted that timely reminder into my psyche to get me gathered.

    Of course, as musings go, I tweeted it out and it connected with a number of people.

    It seems we are always being reminded by life to know who we are, for ourselves. It is important and vital.

    Every day we go about our lives and typically we are in constant contact with other members of our communities – work, school, gym, family, etc.

    But what I’ve realized is that people are always trying to decide who we are, based on their perception and just how they experience us each day. It can be tempting to accept and even feel comfortable with these distinctions. Who doesn’t want to be considered ‘Lit’?

    Knowing who you are, fo’ real isn’t just something nice to say, it is a conscious examination of every facet that defines us and our actions.

    I Know Me

    I am an introvert.

    For a time, I felt comfortable saying that I was shy, but shyness didn’t fully account for some aspects of my personality, that went beyond how I felt around people.  It was more all encompassing and definitive.

    Shyness, people can get over, but I was different. I recognised that it took more out of me to attempt to make friends or even get to know people. To this day that’s still an issue, which has decreased over time, but is still evident.

    thyself

    Sadly, many people misconstrue my introversion for other things… dislike, disgust, disdain, aloofness even – when really I may just be too distracted trying to keep my ‘ish’ together.

    Nevertheless, I make no excuses.

    “There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” ― Tennessee Williams.I know myself and therefore I am unbothered by how people respond to that aspect of my personality; I know, I usually don’t mean people ill will, and therefore I try not to beat myself up about it.

    I’m a communicator, by profession.

    And while I acknowledge the irony of this, being able to compartmentalise aspects of my personality helps.

    The ebullient Communications professional asks all the questions, speaks into the microphone but someone who is also quiet and appreciates alone time.

    Standing my ground

    As I have matured and grown older, it has become easier for me to stand my ground and remain unbothered about other people’s issues with my idiosyncrasies. After almost four decades of refining and being truly honest with myself, it is safe to say, I don’t give a damn.

    But standing my ground also comes at a cost.

    There is the clear and present danger of me being misunderstood and misinterpreted by some folks. Most recently I have learned the value of truly standing in my truth and letting that do the talking.

    That includes accepting certain personal shortcomings and fully understanding that I am imperfect and a work in progress.

    Just Be

    It is because I am so aware of who I am, why I firmly reject labels which seek to oversimplify, and dilute the true essence of who I am.  I am more than what someone can throw at me in a phrase that seeks to define me.

    There is a joy that comes with knowing that you never owe another soul an explanation for who you are and the important choices you make.

    In knowing and fully acknowledging who I am, I have been able to come to terms with so many things that have occurred in my life over the past few years. The good that manifested from hard work and perseverance and the bad that was unearthed when the life decided to show me what was lurking under the surface.

    Probably the best part about knowing who I am is the fact that it makes any decision to change, that much easier. As I outlined in this post in June change is what keeps me driven and excited about life. I’m still learning, growing and changing. Some will like it, some won’t.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

    Seven ways to improve your email etiquette at work

     

    Email writing etiquette in the professional environment is very important. It could mean the difference between making a lifelong work friend or making an enemy forever that could realistically, lead to your dismissal. Many people completely misconstrue the purpose of emails that are sent in the corporate setting and I believe this causes confusion.

    Growing up I remember specifically when I was in primary school or maybe High School I went through different classes where I was taught how to write a business letter and one of the most significant things I can recall is that a business letter is always to the point and completely factual. No overly saccharine greetings and pleasantries necessary, you just get to the point and say what you needed to say.

    However it seems that nowadays there is no middle ground between being polite and businesslike on one end of the spectrum and being completely rude on the other.

    It’s as if it is less about business and more about personalities.

    So, if I write an email that is to the point I’m considered rude, without even trying. I am not saying that writing an email for work has to be cold and austere however there should be a clear balance between cordial and informative, after all, that is the point, right?

    All that said, I want to share with you all some pointers on how not to rattle the apple cart at work, when it comes to communicating via email.

    Don’t Take it personal (all the time)

    One of the things that I definitely think I may need to tell myself is not to read too much into what people write in work emails.  Why? Because sometimes the writers are completely oblivious to the fact that the way they have expressed themselves in an email is rude and condescending.

     

     

    These are usually the worst offenders because they are also the most confident. That said, it doesn’t mean that you should not call people out on their bad emails, especially if there is a pattern. Just because there are people who do not know that their method is flawed, doesn’t mean there aren’t those who deliberately write and share problematic messages. Know the difference and respond accordingly.

     

    Miss me with the ‘Kindly’

    Adding kindly to an email does not make it kinder, more pleasant or friendly!

    I remember years ago reading an eye opening tip from my respected colleague and friend, Marie Berbick, about using the word kindly and the fact that it can be misconstrued as being rude and condescending and ever since I’ve been sensitive about using the word. In fact I judge people who use kindly as much as, if not more than I judge persons who have a weak handshake (don’t judge me).

     

    Try not to use the word kindly in fact you don’t need to use it at all in your email. When making a request, adding ‘kindly’ won’t actually make it easier to swallow. Sadly, most people when sending requests for action, add the word, not realizing how demanding they appear, instead of nice as they intended.

    Bad idea: ‘As per my last email…’

    The famous ‘as per my last email’ is not only unnecessary but it’s very aggressive. Now I understand if you’re writing to a lender, someone who owes you money or even someone who is holding up your business and stressing you out but is it really necessary for an email to a colleague?

     

    The milder version of this, ‘as per our discussion’ is a bit more palatable because it is actually factual. It acknowledges that “a discussion was had and we’re just bringing it to the email world”  thereby providing context and there’s an understanding that we are communicating on this subject. Somehow it feels a bit less agreesive than ‘as per my last email’, for some reason.

    But reminding me that you had sent an email previously is not absolutely necessary, and for the most part is an aggravation.

    Cc me Not!

    In many work environments it is considered the highest form of aggression when you copy not only a person’s manager but every other person in their department on an email. Why? because you are saying “hey I’m escalating this but I still want you to be a part of it” or “I’m trying to shame you because this is my opportunity to show you up.”

     

    Now, it is sometimes necessary to copy additional people on an email, but must it be done in an attempt to speed up a process? Does it usually work?  It can be an effective ‘tool’ but you must know when and how to use it in getting your job done.

    The ‘Reply All’ Queens

    This one personally ticks me off all the time and it goes beyond the professional world. Imagine, there are 30 people who have been copied on an email. The message doesn’t require every member of the group to respond to confirm anything it really was just an FYI. However there is always that one person who chooses to respond with something like “thank you” or “noted” and not only do they respond like that to the person who sent it they ‘reply all’. The ‘reply all’ button is your enemy use it sparingly, if ever.

    (Don’t) Call Me

    Unless it’s an extremely important emergency, then calling me to confirm that I received your email is not absolutely necessary or cute.  It’s actually super annoying and there is a level of control that you’re trying exert over me because you expect that your email deserves immediate attention. I mean, of course I have nothing else to do so why wouldn’t I just action your request a few seconds after you sent your email?

     

    Many of the issues around email etiquette can be solved with one simple solution: READING!
    The reality is many of us don’t actually read and comprehend the messages that we receive and therefore we don’t adequately equip ourselves to properly respond. It’s not easy because not everyone is confident in expressing themselves in writing, but it comes with the territory.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Change Everything!

    Change Everything!

    I’ve been absent but not missing.

    What started out as a one month blogging break eventually turned into a two month sabbatical.

    The break became necessary as I used the time to manage some monumental changes in my life.

    By far the biggest change that took place over the past two months was planning and implementing my move from one living space to another. Leaving the nest is a big deal because it is a meticulous gathering of your entire physical life from one space to the next and it is equal parts emotional and tiring as you strive to jump from one rock to another, while carrying a bunch of stuff you have acquired along the way.

    The whole experience paired with some other observations, have given me an opportunity to focus on change and why it is so vital for myself and all of us to accept.

    I often hear the statement: “The only constant thing in life is change” but right now, I could wax poetic for hours about change and all the wonders of newness!

    “The only constant thing in life is change”

    Change is the fertilizer that keeps me growing and every time I get an opportunity to evolve I take it.

     

    I have always been willing to accept change, because many times in my life, I had no choice but being willing to accept and acclimatize to change, always meant looking for that silver lining.

    There are many people who perceive me to be happy-go-lucky, positive and optimistic, and for the most part, their perception is correct, however that attitude is grounded in my willingness to always deal with changes as they come.

    People are People

    By far the most challenging changes I usually have to deal with is the shifting sands of loyalty from some of those closest to me, whether friends or family. It is always difficult when the actions of some people in your life cause you to take a closer look at them and how they fit into your life.

    Where most people seem to have a problem is when they have to make a decision to change course in a relationship, because culturally some of us have been taught to hold on until something detrimental happens that proves that the worse has occurred.

    I have adopted a simple principle when it comes to dealing with changes in the nature of my relationships. This includes anything that changes my perception of said relationship and the person – “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Oprah Winfrey

    This mantra has allowed me to really see the people who are part of my life, and acknowledge them accordingly. Sometimes, what I considered “change” was not in fact a shift in behaviour, just another opportunity to really see a person as they are.

    I am always thankful for those opportunities and whenever, upon reflection I ponder on why or how someone changed, I always seek to discover what was always right before my eyes.

    Roll, Roll, Roll

    Changes come into our lives in many shapes and forms and are often unexpected. Unplanned changes appear most daunting because the possible outcomes are always in the shadows.

    For example, changing jobs years ago was a joy, because of the possibilities that awaited me, plus an improved salary offer. But the unknown element did more than just scare me, it served to inspire me to not only give my all and really savour the opportunity to learn something completely new.

    From that experience, I’ve learned that the inverse of my fear and anxiety regarding a challenge will be excitement, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. It can be no other way! Why go through a challenge and not come out triumphant on the other side?

    Change is Good

    Finally, there comes a time when change becomes necessary, because it takes us to the next phase. It’s impossible to get to that unknown place, without accepting and adapting.

    I know many people who are afraid of change because it makes them uncomfortable and disoriented. But in many ways, discomfort usually means that a change is taking place, that more often than not, will be to your benefit.

    Discomfort is often a prelude to growth and that’s important to all of us, but whatever the change, whatever the challenge, just Keep Moving Forward!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • People we should leave behind in January 2018

    People we should leave behind in January 2018

    We have a way of mistitling and misrepresenting the people in our lives. We mistakenly call some ‘friends’, ‘day ones’, ‘girlfriend’, ‘boyfriend’, ‘Bae’ – all in the name of placement and proximity.

    The truth is, over time, we pay dearly for these mistakes because every person in your life comes at a cost. The cost however is relative to how much of yourself you’re willing to put on the line for these people.

    So as we end the first month of 2018, I felt it was valuable to take a moment to identify and call out some of the characters that float through my life, and probably yours.

    Let’s declare it. We are leaving the whole lot of them in January 2018, where they belong! Let the year officially begin.

    The Liars

    Diana King has a famous song titled L-L-Lies which describes a lover who continues to lie through his teeth, despite the fact that he was caught practically red handed, cheating. The liar in your life is like that and even worse, because they are prone to lying to you about things that don’t even concern you.

    When someone close enough to you chooses to lie about their actions or things going on in their lives, it’s time to bid them farewell. The worst lies are stupid lies, told by even stupid(er) people. Leave that in 2017.

    The Time Vampires

    We are all trying to be progressive because life is about moving forward and levelling up. In 2018, many opportunities abound for us to level up and create the life that we deserve. In order to do that, we must harness our most valuable resource, strategically and efficiently.

    Time Vampires, are always up to hang and be idle, but never for anything productive or uplifting. They come in various forms too, such as that person you’ve been ‘kinda seeing’ but to date you’re unable to define what it is y’all have exactly – That’s time vampire behaviour!

    Don’t be anyone’s time piece! They are consuming your time at their convenience while you rationalise and call it complicated. Get real!

    The Perpetually Sorry

    If there is anyone in your life who has reason to be telling you ‘sorry’ alot, bid them farewell! Sorry is not a password for continued malfeasance and it usually outlives its usefulness after the fourth or fifth time being used to excuse the same action.

    Unfortunately, there are many people who believe that sorry is a cure-all that makes everything ok. It is not and you should not have to accept it.

    It becomes quite ridiculous when someone repeatedly finds them self in a position to be apologising, so much so that sorry becomes the word you most often associate with them. Let them keep the apologies and leave them and their bad ways in January 2018.

    The Borrowers

    Mendicancy is such a terribly unattractive quality. Too bad many of us have not grown immune to the power of those who are always begging/borrowing.

    You have plans for your life, you have a budget, you make sacrifices… yet this person always seems to be moving in the completely opposite direction in terms of values. So it comes like nothing for them to borrow from you. Good hearted as you are, you lend, freely. Then comes time for you to be repaid… there are a multiplicity of issues that surround you getting back your money. There’s drama. You vow never again. You forget. Then the borrower returns.

    Let’s leave these awful borrowing experiences in January 2018. The disrespect and misfortune that you experienced before should be left in the past. Make a pledge to give the gift of a NO more often and save yourself the trouble.

    The Ignorers

    It’s time to take back your attention. At this moment, there are people you are giving your energy and time to, and they have chosen to ignore you.

    Let go.

    Let’s focus on the real people, the ones who are present and who care for who you are. Sometimes the best thing you can do is accept the apology and explanation that you never received.

    There were a few more personas that I wanted to call out, but I feel that they would be pretty obvious. January was a good test run, it’s now time to really get the year started. Clear your space and your head because 2018 is officially open for business.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • 4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    4 things you should NOT do with your December Salary/Bonus

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas! Festive, colourful, filled with religious symbolism and a spendthrift’s playground.

    The Christmas season always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, because I grew up spending most of them in the cool climes of Manchester, Jamaica with my great grandmother, so many years ago.

    It meant a time for gifts (if I was lucky), sorrel and my Gramma’s perfect Christmas cake! For the times I spent Christmas at home in Kingston I would join the excited throngs in Half Way Tree on Christmas Eve for Gran’ market. That meant walking around with my mom, looking for clothes or toys or anything good they had on sale.

    Only when I became an adult, did I come to fully appreciate the commercial aspect of Christmas, and how, for the most part it has become our most faithful reaction to the season that is supposed to be about good will to all men.

    December payday plus bonus pay (if you are so fortunate) is one of the most anticipated all year. Unfortunately, it is also the one with the most regrets.

    So to make this easy, I’m going to share with you four things that you shouldn’t be doing with your pay check or bonus this Christmas.

     

    Beg Fren’

    If they were not your friend throughout the year, don’t let the repetitive Christmas carols woo you into believing December is the time to change all that. The fact is Christmas is a weird season. A whole month of goodwill, giving, merriment, eating, drinking, ‘happy times’ – don’t drink too much of the spiked sorrel.

    People will wander back into your life, because for some, it’s a good time to let bygones be bygones.

    I say keep it moving and enjoy your season with the knowledge that when you’re broke on January 10, they will not be around to help you out.

    How many times have people resurfaced during Christmas, just in time for you to go out with them to a party or some other event? Being as caught up as you are, you don’t take the time to consider that maybe, I don’t want to be doing this, with this person, right now.

    But you throw caution to the wind, because, Christmas.

    Don’t do it!

    P.S. – Apply this rule to problematic members of your family as needed.

     

    Pay for that Annual Gym membership

    Ok ok… hear me out on this one. It sounds good right?

    And for some, it’s a most noble decision to join the gym and get your body ready for Carnival or whatever other goal you have in mind for 2018. But do you really believe sinking your hard earned cash into that sumptuous discounted annual gym membership fee, with your December salary is a wise choice, at Christmas?

    For those who are already committed and truly want to join the gym, then by all means put that money down.

    But if you are like many of us, who simply want to assuage our ego and trick our brain into believing that spending all that money, one time, near the beginning of a new year, will push us to actually go to the gym, THINK AGAIN!

    Don’t fool yourself. If you want to pay for a year, do it in February, when the New Year’s resolution folks have stopped going. At least by then it won’t be as full.

     

    Go to every Party

    Christmas was apparently invented as one big season of parties. In fact, the week between Christmas Eve and New Years Day, is practically party palooza everywhere. And why not? What better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than with reverie and debauchery (drinks optional if you like).

    But as we all know, the cost for parties, is not just the entry fee. It includes the wardrobe to match each event, especially if they are themed. A good paycheck melts like butter in hot sun in the midst of party season, and it can get out of hand if you’re seeking the next high every night.

    If you must go to a few, have a strategy and make it work. Be warned however, parties sometimes, just pop-up and before you know it, you’re caught in the frenzy of trying to look the part.

    Impress Family

    Family ‘get-togethers’ during Christmas are inevitable for many of us. This means, renewing life rivalries with that cousin who seems to have it all: the job, the money, the car, the house.

    How do you match up?

    Blowing your hard earned funds on ‘things’ solely to impress family members, in an effort to make a good impression is a definite No No.

    So yes, it is quite noble for you to want to buy that new SMART TV for your mom for Christmas. And I know she would appreciate the fact that it’s 40 inches. But be honest with yourself, the only reason you’re buying it is to impress your aunts and cousins, not to mention your other siblings. Because, you know darned well your mom can barely use a touch screen phone.

    Christmas is the season of being EXTRA but if doing the most means being broke on December 29 then you’re probably doing it wrong.

    Keep it Locked

    salary

    Christmas is fun, the excitement is all around but here is the good news – you can enjoy it without making yourself broke before year’s end. What’s more, with all the distraction that the month of December brings, it’s sometimes easy for us to get lost in the shuffle and forget our priorities. Stay focused.

    Let me know if you have any other Christmas spending No No’s.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • We all have that one friend…

    We all have that one friend…

    This is not a slash and burn post.

    I am not telling you to identify and remove these people from your life.

    Acknowledging that the following people are in your life doesn’t mean that your life is toxic or that they are bad people.

    Instead consider this an exercise to give you insight into the different spirits that you contend with in different spheres of your life.

    Knowing who they are is half the battle.

    I have matured enough in my own personal journey to distinguish between who people are, and who I want them to be. It is the most freeing thing to know who your friends are and love them regardless.

    I made full disclosure about the imaginary ones here, so they won’t be featured, but let me know if these people exist in your life.

    The “I Can’t Live without Love” Friend

    How many times have you wondered to yourself “Why doesn’t ……….. take a break from relationships and dating and just chill?”

    You do this because this friend is always either heading into a situation or dealing with the aftermath of one. It seems like, if they are not in a relationship, they don’t feel whole. In fact, their existence and adulthood is defined by their dating status. Being single is NEVER an option because that would most certainly mean they have leprosy. They are often the biggest ‘Askholes’ in your life. Always asking for advise or counsel but never really paying it any mind, because… Love.

    They will either be an over sharer or a Harry Houdini when it comes to their relationships. So you can expect long conversations about their relationships when they’re in it, or you just don’t hear from them much at all.

    The “See you next year” Friend

    Every Christmas or carnival season, I can expect to either rekindle or be reintroduced to some acquaintances. These are the seasonal friends. Y’all don’t have any issues or nothing, but you just don’t talk much, except when you see each other at particular times during the year.

    There’s no need to take them too serious because you know that promises of “see you later” and “we’ll link” mean nada. These may also be the acquaintances who forget that you were ‘cool’ after all, but even that realization won’t change their seasonal status.

    If you’re deliberate about it, you can make that seasonal thing a tradition and link with them for special events only.

     The “Drama becomes me” Friend

    There are levels and then there are these people. Drama seems to define their existence, one dramatic, life changing thing to another. If the boy who cried wolf had a cousin who lived two villages over and cried Coyote, this friend would be that cousin. They are either caught up in some complex people situation of their own, or are party to someone else’s ‘shituation’.

    It may not help that they are really ‘troublemakers’ who may or may not be the ones to blame, more often than not. However, you don’t judge. As a friend you remain in your safe space and if it’s your thing, be entertained or just tune out.

    The “You’re my Emergency Contact” Friend

    Closely related, but not quite the same as the Drama-fied friend is this one – the perennial emergency contact. It would appear that this person has mentally listed you as their emergency contact for every single crisis in their life, be it serious or frivolous.

    Clearly, this person has never watched Forrest Gump. Life is like a box of chocolates, not grenades.  It’s simply NOT natural to jump from crisis to crisis and expect a faithful friend to contend with it all.

    To be clear, emergencies happen and any good friend would be a guiding light to a loved one in need. However, when the decision to answer a phone call is preceded by heart palpitations and nervousness, there is a problem. Unfortunately, this particular friend may never consider the toll their ‘constant crises’ have on the life of the other person. They believe, incorrectly, that their ‘normal’ is ok.

    The “I am your Cheerleader Forever” Friend

    Many people talk about having a ride or die, how about having cheerleaders? People who are always there to just show love, especially when good things are happening in your life?

    Sadly, sometimes we spend so much time contending with the other folks, these people don’t get their due. The thing is, these may not be people you speak with everyday but are people you have a genuine link with, who understand and appreciate you.

    They are proud of your accomplishments and most importantly, are always willing to let you know this.

    Big dem up!

    The “I’m a moth give me your light” Friend

    Dearly beloved, we all have a Light within us that is continuously shining, even if we don’t see it or believe that it’s there.

    When that light burns brightest, is when these people literally come out of the wood work. These are your friends and acquaintances who you know from way back when. The peeps who you may’ve worked with back in the day, school mates, or those who you were once close to.

    Then one day, out of nowhere they emerge, seemingly to rekindle the ‘buddy-ship’. These are the moths. They feed off your light and are attracted by happenings in your life. Mind you, new people are also attracted to you in this way, but the main difference is, you are more likely to suss out a new people trying to get close to you.

    Someone who’s always been there, get’s less scrutiny. Funny thing is simple occurences can cause this re-emergence of a moth person.

    A simple thing as a new social media image, a career move that’s made public or (gasp) a new relationship can get them at your feet.

    The “User” Friend

    I’m sure you’ve seen this one on numerous lists of people that you should stay away from. The reality though, is that none of us are immune to being used and taken advantage of, especially by people we consider friends.

    The factor that makes us a winner or loser is reciprocity. It’s the degree of reciprocity that makes great relationships work, and bad ones toxic. Reciprocity doesn’t have to be acknowledged. However knowing that you can do something for a friend, knowing that it would be no consequence for them to do same or greater, if necessary, makes a huge difference.

    That said, there are some people we may have within and around our ‘circles’ who are NOT about that reciprocity life. They are takers through and through and will use the cloak of ‘friendship’ to milk you dry.

    Their behaviour is so pervasive that they are unable to differentiate between friend and conquest. Your kindness, to them may be a weakness. More dangerous are the ones who have been so spoilt by life, that they are unaware that they are using you up.

    Reality Check

    You may have elements of all of these ‘people’ embodied in one person you know. God Bless them.

    Figuring out the energy that’s best for you is a wholly personal experience and something that we all may need to do at some point to check ourselves.

    I learn new things about my friends and acquaintances everyday because the reality is, people make the world go round.

    No matter how much of an introvert or misanthrope you think you are, we need people.

    All that said, know your people and love them anyway.

    Sidenote – I didn’t mention the ‘negative friend’ because, I assume by now that we would rid ourselves of people who deal solely in bad vibes.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • You can do Whatever you Like!

    You can do Whatever you Like!

    Life is short, and there are so many things that we are forced to do daily. Be it for work or some other obligation.

    So why not take some time to do something that YOU truly want to do!

    Nakeeta, a close friend of mine recently asked me a seemingly innocuous question but it was loaded with so much meaning.

    She asked: “Kevin, how do you make time to read?”

    And my response was: “I am deliberate about it. It’s difficult but I make a deliberate effort to do it.”

    deliberate

    I love to read but the reality is, it’s often a struggle making the time to do it for pleasure, but I do, even in small doses.

    In the midst of that conversation, I had an ‘Aha’ moment of my own. It was something I have been doing but not giving enough credence to, all this time.

    Make it Count!

    I was making a deliberate effort do the things I really wanted to do, reading included.

    But it goes beyond just being deliberate because when you think about it, it all comes down to how gentle we are with ourselves.

    We spend so much time in the cut and thrust of ‘living’ we forget to really be gentle to the person that we are. The consciousness that is within that reaches out and greets the world with every word we speak and every action we take.

    How do we seek to satisfy those needs that we all have as finite beings with limited time?

    Nakeeta was the one who introduced me to a swimming class years ago. I joined, learned to swim, and I refuse to leave.

    That swim class became symbolic, because it was the one thing, that I was doing with myself, for myself.

    Sure, I was also studying for my Masters Degree during the period, but the truth is, educational achievement, while fulfilling is not solely a gift to yourself. It is your gift of knowledge to humanity.

    I was learning to swim for me and I loved it.

    For that one hour, each week, I am truly one with the water.

    Choose for You

    While preparing this post, another piece of inspiration came my way in the form of John Urschel.

    Embed from Getty Images

    John, is a brilliant, former NFL lineman who lived on $25,000 a year while playing in the NFL for three years. He earned a total of $1.6 million dollars during his playing days, but chose to live off just 4% of his earnings.

    His financial shrewdness is what initially caught my attention and lead me to read the article that was written about him. But it was something else that left the most indelible impression.

    I was impressed by his outlook, especially what motivates him to live his life in the way he does.

    According to the article:

    He didn’t live on a modest $25,000 a year and drive a used car “because I’m frugal or trying to save for some big purchase,” Urschel said.”It’s because the things I love the most in this world (reading math, doing research, playing chess) are very, very inexpensive.”

    And that, ladies and gentlemen is what got me about John Urschel’s story. He chooses to live his life doing the things he loves. It just so happened that the activities that he loves to do, are inexpensive.

    How many of us make that decision to focus on doing things with our time that is truly fulfilling and worthwhile?

    I was recently reminded of how fragile and fleeting life can be. Therefore my time, my energy, how I choose to live and indulge must all be conscious decisions I make.

    One Love.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

    Let me know how you are doing YOU in the comments.

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  • Stay Woke: Don’t get swindled on Vacay

    Stay Woke: Don’t get swindled on Vacay

    Many of us Jamaicans have been so convinced that we live in a scammer’s paradise that we put our guards down when we travel.

    Let’s admit it, some Jamaicans are ingenious and get up to the most vicious schemes in an effort to steal other people’s hard earned cash.

    But once we leave our island’s shores, do we take the same amount of care in securing our possessions?

    Or do we throw caution to the wind, in those countries where security and safety is not at the forefront of our concerns?

    I must admit, I am guilty of letting my guard down when overseas. Especially when it comes to being scrupulous in dealing with certain aspects of tourist life.

    I’m always willing to swipe my credit card, most times without checking terminals.

    Sometimes I don’t even consider the security warnings I receive in Jamaica, while conducting point-of-sale transactions at a retailer overseas.

    But I received  a wake-up call recently while travelling.

    Infamous: Hotel Food

    Typically, when I stay in hotels overseas, I seldom have meals there. Problem is prices are usually ridiculously high and the meals are often subpar.

    However I decided to test the mettle of the Hotel’s in-house food service team by having breakfast at the location.

    It was DIVINE!

    The scrambled eggs, hash browns, toast, fruits and Canadian ham I enjoyed on the first morning, guaranteed that I would return for my remaining days at the hotel.

    Hotel
    It tasted even better than it looked!

    As a rule, I always pay these bills, in cash after each meal. I hate having to even consider clearing a bill at the end of my stay at a hotel.

    For each day of my stay this was done during the breakfast period.

    Initially it felt a bit weird, leaving my money at the table, out in the open like that. Let’s be real, another guest could swipe it, then what?

    This ran across my mind a few mornings. In fact on the third morning, I had reason to hand the money directly to my server, in order to get change.

    That evening I decided to have dinner at the hotel as the thought of trekking through the streets to find a food spot was quite unappealing.

    Taste-wise, it wasn’t a bad decision either. The seafood chowder was heavenly and the grilled salmon on a bed of fingerling potatoes and green beans was amazing.

    Once I sat down to eat I realized that the wait staff was not the same personnel from the mornings. Nevertheless, I expected that the same level of customer service would be provided.

    Time to Pay Up

    As is customary, when I finished my meal, I asked for my invoice, reviewed it, and took out the cash needed to pay the bill, including a tip. I also recorded this on the invoice.

    I placed the cash under the invoice and then made my way to the front desk of the hotel to get some information on the express checkout service.

    That took me about two minutes.

    When I greeted the front desk attendant and told her what I was querying, she suggested that I could clear any amounts charged to my room.

    So I said ‘sure.’

    To the best of my knowledge, the only thing owing was a small charge for an orange juice. I had ordered it a day earlier but didn’t have my wallet to pay immediately.

    To my surprise, there was an additional charge, in the exact same amount as the dinner I just paid for, tip included.

    So I told her that the additional charge should not be there because I just paid it. She was in disbelief and when she checked when the amount was posted it showed that it was done only a few minutes before.

    I was understandably annoyed and she promised to check with the wait staff to have it rectified. I  could not wait so I returned to the restaurant.

    When I got there, I saw the girl who served me, clearing the table.

    I asked her if she had seen the money.

    She said “yes”  then added “I didn’t know if it was allowed for me to leave cash for payment, or if it was only to be charged to my room”… ??????????????

    I WAS SHOOK!

    I let her know that I don’t charge my room for ANYTHING and I always pay cash.

    That’s why I left the money.

    She said “ok, ok.”

    The Real

    Now, even a baby could see that she was trying to pull a fast one on me. I left the cash and once I got up she pocketed my payment and  proceeded to post the entire amount to my room.

    Thankfully, I had reason to check with the front desk staff or I would have been swindled. Then I’d be left to convince the hotel that I had in fact made the payment previously.

    Another front-desk employee, realising how grave the incident was, whispered to me that “a lot of the serving staff was new.”

    The experience taught me to follow my instincts and ensure that I always make my payment to the server. But even with my apprehensions about leaving my payment on the table, I overlooked the possible risks.

    I was lulled into this false sense of security but I won’t be making that mistake again.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

    What are some of your worst experiences while travelling? Let me know in the comments. Subscribe to the blog in the comments sections to get notified with each new post and share your content suggestions here.

  • Spare the Rod… and Machete

    Spare the Rod… and Machete

    After watching that video of the partly naked mother, viciously beating her daughter with a machete on Sunday, (reported on here) I was part amused and mostly dismayed.

    I was amused because the dang dog reminded me of so many people, who are always making an effort to be in the middle of everything, and then get hurt.

    But I was dismayed because what I saw, was a family at its lowest point and our Jamaican women, once again set up for ridicule.

    I took my feelings to Facebook and penned this:

    The video of the mother beating a girl who I assumed to be her daughter is distressing. And most of us will view it with outrage. That is appropriate, but I am distressed about what happened, not because I’m upset that a woman was beating her daughter with a machete. But by the fact that a mother even thought it an option to do that in the first place. 

    A few years ago I would be blindly angry at the mother for what she did. But now, while I share my disgust with how she sought to discipline this girl, I also want to sit and have a talk with her. I really want to know what’s going on in her life.  What cut has she received so deep, that has caused her to walk away from her dignity in such a way? As for the dog… some of us can all learn a lesson from what happened to him/her.

    I’ve seen the outrage, heard many of the jokes and for a quick minute decided that I didn’t want to touch on this topic any further, until now.

    It’s Personal

    I, like many other Jamaicans, was beaten by a parent while growing up, as a form of discipline.

    No, I will never accept that beating me was justified, or the right way to discipline a child. There was no other option presented, as it was the only way I was disciplined.

    Personally, I feel it did more harm than good, but that’s another conversation all together.

    I have seen some of the commentary on this matter and I’m still trying to figure out what people are more upset about… the beating itself or the fact that it was done with a machete?

    I’m willing to commiserate with the mother, not because I believe she deserves pity for her stress, but because I recognise that society places the responsibility for disciplining her child squarely on her shoulders.

    Our current issue is that she ‘overdid it’ in many of our eyes. The fact is, some serious injury could’ve been caused to her daughter because of what she was doing.

    For the Culture

    Unlike some folks, nostalgia means nil to me, in this zero sum game of corporal punishment that is somehow glorified as a panacea for discipline, in seemingly every aspect of Jamaican life.

    Physically violence is a THING with our people.

    I find the outrage at this video alarming as well, as there is another popular video which has made the rounds on social media, showing what appeared to be a ‘neighbour’ disciplining the child of another neighbour.

    Similar to the current video in question, this was also in a ‘Big Yaad’ setting, because of course, putting working class people on ‘blast’ is never out of style.

    In that instance, she used her hands, to deliver some choice blows to the girl who protested violently.

    Kum-Ba-Yah?

    As was said here, Ms Dyer should be resocialised, not criminalised.

    She committed a crime and the consequences of that offence should be corrective but also something that helps us, as a community to be better.

    Her daughter too, also needs assistance. Not to learn to be a ‘good girl’ but to understand that that level of abuse is not normal and is not something she should expect from anyone, ever.

    Sadly, our culture insists that ‘two lick neva hurt nobody’. Therefore, displays like that witnessed Sunday, will continue to be tolerated and argued about. Less so, if a machete is not in play.

    Victim blaming will be the mainstay… ‘Di likkle girl muss bad.’

    I would wax philosophical and say that this is a teachable moment, and for some it will be, but I fear that culture will do what it often does, carry on.

    But while you’re at it, do us all a favour and report incidents of child abuse that you witness and know places a child in danger HERE. It really shouldn’t take several months and public outcry.

    Leave a comment and let me know how this whole thing makes you feel.

    If you have post suggestions, let me know here

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

  • It was just my Imagination?

    It was just my Imagination?

    When I was growing up, I had imaginary friends.

    I became conscious of these ‘friends’ when I was about 7 and for a few years, they were a big deal in my life.

    Now, these imaginary friends were actually the colours I saw dancing behind my eyelids when my eyes were closed. One was Reddie because, Red and another was Blue.

    They provided me some solace, as I grew up in a household being the only child. But most important, my imaginary friends gave me companionship.

    I remember at some point sharing the details of my imaginary friends with my cousins, one hot summer day, down in the country. They looked at me like I had just walked off the moon. They then let me know that having imaginary friends was weird.

    I ignored them of course and carried on, but as time and life went on, my imagination grew to create more formidable imagery, through books.

    All Grown Up

    My imaginary friends were no more, until now…

    For you see, I have discovered a strain of people that are just that, imaginary friends.

    People who we willingly give the titles – friend, acquaintance, brethren, yadda yadda…

    But in reality, they are completely imaginary, inauthentic, apparitions, who are unable to truly be part of your life.

    How can they be with you or for you, when they probably want what you have or may even resent you, just for being alive?

    Social media, in all its ephemeral glory makes them even more prevalent because they’re able to participate in your life, virtually.

    How do they do this you ask?

    By quietly watching and observing your every move. Your every snap, every whatsapp status update and every post to IG and Facebook.

    Because for them, keeping tabs on your every move is their way of keeping you in-check.

    By nature, these imaginary friends may have delusions of grandeur which leads them to having a larger than life imagination that positions them as your ‘competitor’.

    Take a moment right now, and identify those people in your life, who are barely there… The not quite friends but the not quite strangers, the ones who you were cool with but the season has passed.

    Once you know who they are, cut them loose. Free your mind, free your destiny, free up your energy.

    Jamaican people have a saying about friendship – “Good fren betta dan pocket money.”

    But there is another saying that is seldom heard nowadays – “Yuh shake man han, yuh nuh shake him heart.”

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin