Kevin O'Bryan

Category: Growth

  • Taking Care of What Matters

    Taking Care of What Matters

    It’s taken me a while to write this blog. Since my last post in March of this year, I have drafted several others, which I never got around to publishing. The timing has just never felt right based on everything that was happening.

    And though I know that COVID and everything that the pandemic has wrought is a completely valid excuse, I’m also keeping myself accountable where it matters.

    Early on I realized that there was an underlying and unspoken anxiety that accompanied this pandemic and affected most of us, regardless of whether we actually contracted the virus or not.

    It was just the tension around all the uncertainty that the pandemic brought with it and especially the upheaval it’s caused to the lives of so many people. Being expected to function, like normal and perform at the highest level at work and in life, is not as easy as it seems.

    Awakening

    My own eye opener came just about 7 months after the beginning of this whole thing, when I started to feel generally unwell. No, I hadn’t contracted COVID but all that pent up anxiety and the lethargy it set off within me, finally caught up.

    self care

    For some people, they have been coping by exercise and generally making an effort to be more active. That however, has not been my coping strategy and instead I simply threw myself into work and tried to be as occupied as possible.

    While I remained aware of the underlying anxiety, I never fully owned up to the ripple effects it was causing in other areas of my life which mushroomed over time.

    So when I finally decided to visit my doctor and I received a blood pressure reading that was too high for comfort, I knew that something had to give. The visit also forced me to acknowledge that I had not been sleeping as well as I should. The result of all this was a cascade of small maladies that pretty much meant that I was doing myself a disservice, the opposite of self-care.

    Getting There

    I’m already taking corrective measures which includes taking proactive steps to get better quality sleep, I’ve altered my eating habits, started an exercise routine in the gym and I now make deliberate efforts to actually relax more.

    That said, I have also started to take stock of some of the other aspects of my life that I can control. There are a few things that I have become much more intolerant of during this time.

    Protecting my Peace

    Now more than ever I am fully invested in protecting my peace from people, places, emotions and things that could possibly heighten my stress levels or otherwise make me uncomfortable.

    I’m a bit more sensitive to people in my life who selfishly try to fill my well with their issues while never considering or even seeking to find out about the load I may be carrying. I am a limited resource and therefore, I will not allow others to use me up.

    Self-care is as much about eating well and relaxing as it is about ensuring that the energy that I surround myself with is just right.

    Reading has always been escapism for me, but now even more so because my mind seems to always be ON. Slowly plodding my way through books has been a respite and though sometimes television time steals some of that time, I’m recalibrating the balance needed.

    Patience all around

    Probably the greatest lesson I’ve absorbed this year, is the importance and value of being patient and gentle with myself, more tolerant even. With the world just doing its best to survive in this very weird and troubling time, it does not work in my favour to torture myself about my perceived shortcomings.

    self care

    I did a few online courses and they were helpful but this idea that I needed to use this moment to become something else, betrayed the fact that just by doing my job and so much more, during a difficult time, is in itself an accomplishment.

    I’m happy to be on the mend but the important thing about this shift is that it feels like it’s the big one that I will actually stick with.

    Pray me up.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake up and Live! – How I’m living in 2020

    Wake Up!

    I woke up one morning and it was the end of 2019 and for the first time in years, I chose not to ring in the new year at a party or event. Instead, I went to bed for a change.

    The year of clear (er) vision, 2020, has been an interesting one so far. I fully counted January as December 2.0 because for me, it was an opportunity to tie up loose ends of the year past. It was in that process that I was able to set some clear goals for the rest of the year and immediately start acting on them.

    I also spent some time looking at the goals I had set for myself in 2019 and for a quick second I was caught up in the idea of how I failed at accomplishing some of those only to realize that on the other side of failure is an opportunity for growth.

    For example, I didn’t complete my must read list of books from last year – boo hoo – but I did make an admirable dent in it. It also seemed that for every deliberate thing that I had set out to do and not fully accomplish, I was able to focus on something else and begin working on that, such as finally opening that stock market account.

    It can be testing telling yourself every day that – ‘I am enough’ – when the world constantly questions that.

    Am I really?

    For real?

    Are you ok?

    And that’s why sometimes I have to sit and really ask myself “Are you ok?”

    That self check-in has given me space to come to terms with how I am really feeling because if it’s one thing I know, not many people are genuinely asking me if I’m ok. For those that do, it is usually heartfelt and a real question, which I appreciate.

    In the new year, I’ve set new goals and I am extremely excited about the challenges and plans I have in store. Specifically, all the new things I am going to learn and put into action. For example, after a little over two years teaching, it’s refreshing being a student again and able to dive into the unknown.

    We’re now almost three months into 2020 and I have a pretty good road map for how I want to make this revolution around the sun a winner for myself in all aspects.

    Taking Care of Me

    There are so many ways I have committed to taking care of myself in the past but one of the primary ways has always been to indulge in whatever my heart desires (mostly), while my pocket could afford. That has proven to be a double edged sword and I now realize more than ever that taking care of myself is more than just a self-care regimen of a good face mask and a pedicure. It also includes conscientiously doing things that won’t cause me unnecessary regret later (hey bad debt). To really take care of myself, means not sabotaging my future with immediate satisfaction that will cost something important in the future, such as my health, wealth, sustenance or sanity. That being said, working on it!

    Focus on solutions

    There is ALOT of stuff that goes wrong every day that risks bogging me down inside my head:

    “Am I being a good friend? Am I being a good son, Am I doing my job well enough?”

    But I’ve taken to focusing on solutions when most of these questions pop up, because in almost every scenario, there is a solution to addressing these internal rumblings. And it usually surrounds choosing the affirmative and moving from there. So where the answer to any of those questions is – “No” the answer is – “I will do better today”. It also means clearing space in my mind and environment for the good to flourish. Good Vibes really make a big difference.

    Keep Moving

    As a follow on to being solutions oriented, it is important to just keep moving. You never get through anything if you don’t continue to move! So just keep going. If it means smelling the roses for a few and taking a breath, do it. What I have learned is that regardless of what I am dealing with, forward motion always takes me into the next chapter, no matter how difficult. Beyond the metaphoric though, I want to keep moving physically as well. I’ve come to realize how important being physical is to my mental and overall health, especially when I was not able to, so now more than ever I’m on a mission to get it done.

    Learning Never Ends

    One of the promises I made to myself this year was to learn as many new things as I could, specifically, things I’ve always wanted to know. And I am pursuing this all for the sake of gaining new knowledge. I have begun and it has been truly rewarding and fulfilling. My mind has opened up to so many new concepts and world’s that I could’ve never imagined before. It also extends to my ability to adapt to the new knowledge and manifesting it in my life. I am able.

    Baked into all of this is a renewed commitment to consistency, something that I have always struggled with (for certain things). I’m awake and I am ready to get it done!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • No, You’re not weird if you like doing stuff alone!

    No, You’re not weird if you like doing stuff alone!

    Alone and Loving it

    Society and the world would have you believe that you are out of place and somehow don’t fit in, if you choose to navigate certain spaces alone.

    So ingrained has this idea become for many of us, the thought of going to a movie on your own scares many people, because it is simply NOT done. I will go further to say that society looks down on doing certain things on your own to the point where, even hotels charge you more when you book a room as an individual and while that may be more down to economics, it reinforces an idea that doing anything ‘alone’ is supposed to be an anomaly.

    Growing Up

    When I was younger it was actually easier to move through the world alone. It was unquestioned as no one naturally expected that I should have a gaggle of friends around me at all times.

    At other times, I was in the presence of an adult carer, so it never occurred to me how important the world deemed it to see me in the company of others.

    But once you start to mature, being alone becomes a liability, in fact as a teenager I was expected to have a friend group beyond school that I could ‘hang out with’.

    Growing up in a household where I was an only child ran counter to this idea though. I learned how to entertain myself with reading, playing, talking with my Mom and once I discovered TV, it was all over, I didn’t need another soul.

    That said, while I do have some anxiety moving through some spaces and places alone, for the most part I’m fine with doing certain things by myself without feeling like something is wrong with me.

    Being an introvert can be a good or bad thing in this regard but that’s another story.

    How quaint…

    I get tickled when people muse about things they are ‘afraid’ to do alone because I feel like we are denying ourselves an experience, simply because someone else is not there, as if by ourselves, we are not enough (did that go too deep?).

    alone

    In general I never want to feel like I am at the mercy of someone else’s interest level, schedule or budget to go somewhere. When I want to go somewhere, why should I let another person’s unavailability or situation prevent me?

    Found myself getting caught in that trap too often before I started to ‘man up’ up and just go to places I really wanted to, alone.

    Want to go see that movie? – GO

    Feel like checking out that bar to have a drink but have no one to go with? – GO

    Feel like spending the day at the beach? – GO

    Doing it alone, even once doesn’t mean that you are an outcast, or even worse, that something is wrong with you.

    I think the biggest thing to get over, was the fear of how other people would regard me being alone in a space where I am surrounded by couples or even groups. The big thing I’ve discovered? For the most part people don’t care and in fact, they’re not paying any attention to me.

    No Problem

    There can be a lot of anxiety and while I’m not calling myself a hero, it does take some bravery to step out on your own and just be, without worrying about being alone. It’s now considered a novelty, a thing to celebrate when persons do something ‘ground breaking’ by dining out alone and that’s ok (baby steps for some peeps).

    It shouldn’t have to be that way but it is.

    We should feel our whole, true selves spending time alone, doing whatever it is that we love, guilt free, no issues.

    We are fine, we are complete, we stand alone if and whenever we choose and when we don’t feel like doing it alone, we do it with others.

    Think my next big thing to conquer is going to a medium sized party on my own and seeing where that leads…

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

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  • Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    Sorry doesn’t fix everything

    I have this unwritten rule when it comes to my relationships – personal, professional or otherwise:

    “The more often that someone has to tell me ‘sorry’ is the more I have to consider the merit of our relationship.”

    Experience and history has taught me that if there’s that one person in your life who always has to be apologising for something, it may be time to let them go.

    Obviously this rule isn’t absolute and I’m quite sensitive to nuance, however I am guided by this principle when it comes to people’s behaviour.

    I learned this lesson from my last serious relationship, a LONG time ago… You’re with someone who after a while needs to constantly be reassuring and apologising to you for some malfeasance, then it may be time to take a serious look at what’s really going on.

    The thing is it may not even be about the person. That person may for all intents and purposes be doing their best, within the scope of what their ‘best’ is.

    Regardless, even at your worst, their best may not be simpatico with what you need in your life.

    Password: sorry

    Professionally, the same applies. If someone is constantly messing up, to the point where they are always apologising, over time, I become less invested in that association or its credibility. It’s about trust and reliability.

    My problem with it is persons use the word sorry as a password that is loaded with expectation. Some of the common expectations are:

    “You should forget about what I did”

    “It should never ever be mentioned”

    “We should act like it never happened”

    “It’s not reasonable for you to expect this to be a lesson”

    “I’m sorry but please don’t remind me why I should do better”

    Some people will say sorry grudgingly but really don’t mean it. They only utter the word because they realize that it is the socially acceptable salve for whatever, circumstance they may have caused to occur.

    And worse still are the offenders who should apologise but never do.

    Most annoying are the persons who are willing to say sorry, over and over again, while repeating the same infraction, over and over again.

    Showing UP

    The Jamaican saying is ‘take sleep mark death’ and I take that to heart when it comes to people’s consistency.

    At the end of the day, it is about how people show up in our lives. Showing up is a term I’ve become more familiar with as I get older. It has taken on added importance, because once you’re out of school and you become an adult, people have to make a much more deliberate effort to mean anything in your life by ‘Showing Up’.

    How many times have you had that good ‘work’ friend and the moment you leave or they leave that place of employment the ‘friendship’ dies?

    The things they do and say to make their presence known in your life, are important. If that continues to be problematic, then gird your loins.

    This whole thing about showing up I’ve come to realize is also important because the people who are consistent, supportive, unwavering and real, tend to be the ones I value.

    It’s the process of knowing and appreciating these people that allows me to let those who don’t show up fall by the wayside.

    It’s all connected.

    Forgiveness

    I’m still learning to navigate forgiveness and I have grown and gotten better at managing expectations of people. Maturity has afforded me more insight on how to deal with people. I now know that it is possible to forgive but own the fact that the person is not going to hold the same place in my life.

    That is absolutely ok, if the situation necessitates it.

    Too often, in the name of forgiveness and maturity, we are forced to play the role of ‘forgive and forget’ and act like it didn’t happen.

    Accepting the imperfections of being human, I get. People won’t get it right all the time, and that’s fine. However there’s a line that needs to be drawn in the sand when you realize that people just aren’t trying anymore.

    Honesty and Communication

    You know, as hard as it may be, all this ‘saying sorry’ can largely be prevented if people choose to be open communicators and commit to honesty. It sounds simple but I realize it’s difficult, because honesty is not as easy as those “Say it with your chest” tweets would have us all believe.

    It’s uncomfortable being honest all the time, because it usually means that someone else’s feelings may get hurt. On the flip side, being honest guarantees that persons are always aware of where you are.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Moving out and Up

    Moving out and Up

    Just over a year ago I made a big step and finally moved out of my childhood home. I alluded to that change here but only now have I been able to fully digest how significant the move was.

    It is one of the best things I have ever done and continues to teach me new things about myself that living ‘at home’ could never.

    The simple act of moving out also caused seismic shifts in my life in other ways because it dramatically changed the way certain people related to me, some for the better and others for worse.

    Love Matters

    Probably the biggest benefit I have experienced so far, has been a renewal of my relationship with my Mom. Living away from her, has made me more aware of her mortality, in a way that I wasn’t before.

    I used to see my mother everyday while I was still at home but in reality, we rarely spoke, because I made it a point of duty to reside in my own little world, consumed by my own interests.

    Now, everything is different because, when I realized that I won’t be seeing her everyday it became urgent that I at least speak with her as often as I could. No week goes by that I don’t see her and even more than before, we have built-in time that we spend going out and doing things together. That, I can treasure because the degree of separation let me know that valuing her now is more important than ever.

    Designing Reality

    Who knew that designing your own space could be so exciting? Over the past year, I’ve been able to curate a collection of items that match my own taste, temperament and comfort level. Just having that level of control has been a joy in itself and it is true what they say, about pushing your own key.

    ‘Adulting’ is even more profound now, when I realize that I am truly responsible for taking care of myself. The ability to do it well is a privilege and responsibility I cherish. Even in the midst of acquiring, I’m also learning to be minimalist, removing clutter and focusing on the things that matter most.

    Make Space

    So now that I’m on my own, I have to be mindful of the temptation to just chill and enjoy my own company all the time. I have to push myself to carve out time and activities that take me beyond the four walls of my abode. For some reason, it’s kinda difficult. I’m never lonely, so I really have to drum up the urge to get up and out of my space and do things. I’m getting a better grip of this, but for a while, I felt almost like a hermit. I joked with a friend, when I initially moved that I was nesting, but having nested I’m now more comfortable planning activities and just taking on the road with my friends. Stepping out of my literal comfort zone is as much for entertainment as it is for survival and when I don’t want to step out, I host.

    In My Zone

    The one thing you become acutely aware of when you live alone is yourself. It’s inevitable, because you will be spending a good amount of time on your own. If I was never comfortable really being alone before, then spending the past year living solo has fully converted me. The most invaluable insight though has been an appreciation of not just my own company but coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the day you are responsible for yourself. Surviving and thriving is up to you as an adult, and while there are those who love and support you, it’s your responsibility. Recognising and coming to terms with my own independence has been empowering and continues to push me forward.

    I’m happy that I had good practice taking care of myself otherwise this would’ve been a much longer post.

    How are you making the most of your ‘alone ‘time? Let me know in the comments.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Letting Go of the Need to Know

    Letting Go of the Need to Know

    It has taken me a long time to learn an important lesson about life and relationships. It is the fact that I do not need to understand or ‘figure out’ why people treat me a certain way.

    I know there’s a popular saying that goes “it’s none of my business what other people think of me,” but I’ve come to realize the value in getting rid of not just the need to know, but the why behind it all.

    There is so much to gain from not having the need to know why people treat you a certain way, especially when it is negative.

    For example, I remember a time when a relationship I was in ended. I was in a lot of pain as I attempted to process everything about the situation. More stressful however, were my attempts to try and figure out why the other person did what they did to hurt me and how they felt about me.

    I became a slave to my ‘need’ for this knowledge, holding it like a warm coal to keep me going, or so I thought. But what I was really doing was placing a burden on myself by trying to discover something that could neither help me nor change what had already happened.

    Can you imagine thinking that knowing why someone ‘broke your heart’ would free you? Yes, it took me a minute.

    Another instance was when a long time ‘friend’ slowly drifted away. They stopped communicating with me, acted like I was the one who made the 180 degree move and went silent, when all I did was follow their lead.

    For years I racked my brain trying figure out what changed? What did I do? What expectation did I not live up to?

    I was hurt.

    It gets Better

    In both situations I was at the mercy of this supposed obligation on my part. Trying to figure out people’s motivation, like a private eye and lawyers piecing together a murder mystery to ascertain motive. But all that was burdensome and simply made me sad.

    So over time I realized that it was fruitless and counterproductive.

    Knowing would not help me anyway and was needlessly tying me to people who really couldn’t care less about me.

    The decision therefore was for me to let go and free myself from this need.

     

     

    Almost instantly I realized the freedom there was, in not having to know why a person treated me a certain way.

    After having a quiet conversation with my ego I also acknowledged that rejection in any form is painful, but it’s also complete, no follow up answer necessary.

    I didn’t need an explanation of the other person’s ‘why’ to move on with my life. In fact, the sooner I let go of that notion, the quicker my freedom will come. Sure, the questions may linger at the back of my mind, but I refuse to be burdened by the need to know.

    Many of us fall into the trap when mourning relationships of trying to figure out the ‘why’ of it all – “why did this person choose to push me aside why does this person treat me a certain way?”

    But this gets us nowhere because it doesn’t change the reality of the rejection and it doesn’t free us from the memory of that hurt. So then what?

    It’s simply not wise to belabour the point.

     Much Better

    The other side of this coin has made my life so much more glorious!

    Listen, when people choose to walk away, I don’t even ask two times why and I refuse to worry about it.

    I’m good. Do you boo!

    If excommunicating me from your life is a positive life decision for you, I don’t need to be told twice. *peace*

    In the same vein, if people treat me a certain way, I am not trying to be their therapist. If it is too much for me to handle, then I’ll handle accordingly. Life’s too short trying to always question why people make certain uncomfortable decisions.

    I recognised just how powerful this stance is when I had to caution my closest friend on many occasions. She was always trying to figure out the thinking behind her tormentor’s motivations.

    “How could they think and behave the way they do?”

    I was always there to reminder her: “That’s not your concern and should not get in the way of your healing and progress, so keep it moving.”

    This was not her battle nor was it beneficial to her, attempting to know that. We live, we learn.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • How to be a Better Person 101

    How to be a Better Person 101

    Sometimes I get all hot and bothered about how terrible people can be, in every sphere of life. It simply amazes me how selfish and garbage we are to each other, in daily life. For many of us, we get to witness the ‘joy’ that is humanity at the place we spend most of our time – work or in traffic.

    We’ve been led to believe that being a good person is as easy as putting on a happy face and saying good morning to every person you encounter in the morning.

    But real life isn’t as simple, because while, being a good person is largely self-determined, managing how we react and respond to others around us, is not quite the same.

    I have a bunch of pet peeves about how we treat each other and there are some simple things that we all can choose to do, as a personal standard, across all spheres of our lives, to be better people.

    I have my own weaknesses and I acknowledge that I am a work in progress, may this be as valuable for me as it is for you.

    Stop breaking your own heart

    How do we break our own hearts you may ask? By breaking the promises we make to ourselves, for ourselves; by not doing things that enrich our lives; by using our valuable time doing things that break us down instead of building us up. There is so much harm that we do to our own person every day. And it seems easy to disregard because it is internal but it’s important. Too often we don’t realize that the journey to being a better person for others begins with us being good to ourselves.

    Figure out Loyalty and be Loyal

    The world considers loyalty a gift that keeps on giving, in fact Confucius said “Be loyal and trustworthy. Do not befriend anyone who is lower than yourself in this regard.” But don’t assume that it’s something that you will know automatically. We all have to figure out what it means to us because, this will determine how we relate that understanding to our relationships with others.

    Talk Truth

    So easy to say, yet, seemingly so hard to do! The lies you tell to yourself, your mama, your best friend, your boss. But if you make a commitment to put a premium on being honest in your life, then it shouldn’t be a problem. This includes dealing with the consequences of telling lies. And half-truths or lying by omission technically don’t count as being truthful. We muddy the waters of our lives by being dishonest. Ripples from lies go far, even when we think there are no consequences.

    Stop wasting people’s time

    You read right. Stop wasting people’s time in all the ways that you do. If you are not interested, let them know. If you don’t want them, let them know. If they can’t fit into your life, let them know. What you shouldn’t be doing is dragging people along when you really have little or no interest in even considering them a valued part of your life.

    Be on time

    Contrary to popular belief, punctuality gives you so much power over a situation. Just imagine having a reputation that is centred on the fact that you are always on time. So for one, you will not be the person who usually waste’s people’s time, but you may even earn the label ‘dependable’.  That counts for much in certain aspects of our lives. Punctuality, just like being well dressed, is a gift that you give to others.

    Add Value

    In your every action and word, are you being a change maker? Can anyone truly say that you add value to their lives? We don’t often look at our lives in this way, but if we all consider that our time is finite, then every moment we have is currency. This currency, we get to decide how and with whom to spend. So how are you adding value with your time and energy? I try to add value to the lives of those I love and share my time with. Lately I’ve realized that I not only have something to say, but I can probably teach others a thing or two as well, my way of adding value, somehow.

    Stop Judging People…

    We make judgements about people based on so many different factors, but really is it worth it? I think I’ve matured a bit because this is something I have to deal with and manage as well. Because, my own judgement and perception of people can sometimes be self-limiting and prevents me from being open to the idiosyncrasies of different people. I’m re-learning how to deal with other people from a distant by simply observing. That’s my strategy though and it keeps me centred and less ‘judgy’.

    Take IG Breaks

    Social media is fun and a great outlet for expression but sometimes, in order to help us be our best selves, it’s a good idea to let go of its tethers. But it isn’t a bad thing to take a quick break from your social media sometimes, specifically, IG. After being force fed a curated visual representation of someone else’s life over a period of time, it’s almost inevitable that some of us will start sizing ourselves up and compare. It’s not worth it. Take a break if and whenever you need to focus on yourself and just thrive in your own aura.

    better person

    This is a not panacea or even specifically advice just my way of being less of a trash person. It takes work, but we can do it.

    What are some of the things you are doing to be a better person?

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Know Thyself

    Know Thyself

    Sometime ago I was at home, having a mind muse when the thought “Know Thyself” popped into my mind. It was like fate inserted that timely reminder into my psyche to get me gathered.

    Of course, as musings go, I tweeted it out and it connected with a number of people.

    It seems we are always being reminded by life to know who we are, for ourselves. It is important and vital.

    Every day we go about our lives and typically we are in constant contact with other members of our communities – work, school, gym, family, etc.

    But what I’ve realized is that people are always trying to decide who we are, based on their perception and just how they experience us each day. It can be tempting to accept and even feel comfortable with these distinctions. Who doesn’t want to be considered ‘Lit’?

    Knowing who you are, fo’ real isn’t just something nice to say, it is a conscious examination of every facet that defines us and our actions.

    I Know Me

    I am an introvert.

    For a time, I felt comfortable saying that I was shy, but shyness didn’t fully account for some aspects of my personality, that went beyond how I felt around people.  It was more all encompassing and definitive.

    Shyness, people can get over, but I was different. I recognised that it took more out of me to attempt to make friends or even get to know people. To this day that’s still an issue, which has decreased over time, but is still evident.

    thyself

    Sadly, many people misconstrue my introversion for other things… dislike, disgust, disdain, aloofness even – when really I may just be too distracted trying to keep my ‘ish’ together.

    Nevertheless, I make no excuses.

    “There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” ― Tennessee Williams.I know myself and therefore I am unbothered by how people respond to that aspect of my personality; I know, I usually don’t mean people ill will, and therefore I try not to beat myself up about it.

    I’m a communicator, by profession.

    And while I acknowledge the irony of this, being able to compartmentalise aspects of my personality helps.

    The ebullient Communications professional asks all the questions, speaks into the microphone but someone who is also quiet and appreciates alone time.

    Standing my ground

    As I have matured and grown older, it has become easier for me to stand my ground and remain unbothered about other people’s issues with my idiosyncrasies. After almost four decades of refining and being truly honest with myself, it is safe to say, I don’t give a damn.

    But standing my ground also comes at a cost.

    There is the clear and present danger of me being misunderstood and misinterpreted by some folks. Most recently I have learned the value of truly standing in my truth and letting that do the talking.

    That includes accepting certain personal shortcomings and fully understanding that I am imperfect and a work in progress.

    Just Be

    It is because I am so aware of who I am, why I firmly reject labels which seek to oversimplify, and dilute the true essence of who I am.  I am more than what someone can throw at me in a phrase that seeks to define me.

    There is a joy that comes with knowing that you never owe another soul an explanation for who you are and the important choices you make.

    In knowing and fully acknowledging who I am, I have been able to come to terms with so many things that have occurred in my life over the past few years. The good that manifested from hard work and perseverance and the bad that was unearthed when the life decided to show me what was lurking under the surface.

    Probably the best part about knowing who I am is the fact that it makes any decision to change, that much easier. As I outlined in this post in June change is what keeps me driven and excited about life. I’m still learning, growing and changing. Some will like it, some won’t.

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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  • Change Everything!

    Change Everything!

    I’ve been absent but not missing.

    What started out as a one month blogging break eventually turned into a two month sabbatical.

    The break became necessary as I used the time to manage some monumental changes in my life.

    By far the biggest change that took place over the past two months was planning and implementing my move from one living space to another. Leaving the nest is a big deal because it is a meticulous gathering of your entire physical life from one space to the next and it is equal parts emotional and tiring as you strive to jump from one rock to another, while carrying a bunch of stuff you have acquired along the way.

    The whole experience paired with some other observations, have given me an opportunity to focus on change and why it is so vital for myself and all of us to accept.

    I often hear the statement: “The only constant thing in life is change” but right now, I could wax poetic for hours about change and all the wonders of newness!

    “The only constant thing in life is change”

    Change is the fertilizer that keeps me growing and every time I get an opportunity to evolve I take it.

     

    I have always been willing to accept change, because many times in my life, I had no choice but being willing to accept and acclimatize to change, always meant looking for that silver lining.

    There are many people who perceive me to be happy-go-lucky, positive and optimistic, and for the most part, their perception is correct, however that attitude is grounded in my willingness to always deal with changes as they come.

    People are People

    By far the most challenging changes I usually have to deal with is the shifting sands of loyalty from some of those closest to me, whether friends or family. It is always difficult when the actions of some people in your life cause you to take a closer look at them and how they fit into your life.

    Where most people seem to have a problem is when they have to make a decision to change course in a relationship, because culturally some of us have been taught to hold on until something detrimental happens that proves that the worse has occurred.

    I have adopted a simple principle when it comes to dealing with changes in the nature of my relationships. This includes anything that changes my perception of said relationship and the person – “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Oprah Winfrey

    This mantra has allowed me to really see the people who are part of my life, and acknowledge them accordingly. Sometimes, what I considered “change” was not in fact a shift in behaviour, just another opportunity to really see a person as they are.

    I am always thankful for those opportunities and whenever, upon reflection I ponder on why or how someone changed, I always seek to discover what was always right before my eyes.

    Roll, Roll, Roll

    Changes come into our lives in many shapes and forms and are often unexpected. Unplanned changes appear most daunting because the possible outcomes are always in the shadows.

    For example, changing jobs years ago was a joy, because of the possibilities that awaited me, plus an improved salary offer. But the unknown element did more than just scare me, it served to inspire me to not only give my all and really savour the opportunity to learn something completely new.

    From that experience, I’ve learned that the inverse of my fear and anxiety regarding a challenge will be excitement, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. It can be no other way! Why go through a challenge and not come out triumphant on the other side?

    Change is Good

    Finally, there comes a time when change becomes necessary, because it takes us to the next phase. It’s impossible to get to that unknown place, without accepting and adapting.

    I know many people who are afraid of change because it makes them uncomfortable and disoriented. But in many ways, discomfort usually means that a change is taking place, that more often than not, will be to your benefit.

    Discomfort is often a prelude to growth and that’s important to all of us, but whatever the change, whatever the challenge, just Keep Moving Forward!

    Be inspired, Be informed, Be Glorious!

    Kevin

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